Eep

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

Soooo I have about zero experience with sex. I've made out with guys, and that's it, until now.

Recently, I just started sort of maybe kind of seeing this boy, and we've been fooling around. It's all fine and dandy and lovely, except for the fact that I'm kind of self conscious about my pubic hair. I don't trim or shave or wax or anything, since I've never had a need to before, and now I'm super worried he's going to think I'm super gross or hairy.

This is exacerbated by the fact that every time we start getting intense and a little more "hands-on" with the making out, he says that he really wants to go down on me. He's probably said this a million times now, and I am so freaked out that if I say yes he'll be totally squicked out by the hair.

I'm not THAT hairy of a person: it's not like a jungle down there or anything, but I just want to trim and make it a little neater, but I have NO IDEA how to or where to even begin or what it's supposed to look like.




...so, yes, this is my neurotic, over-thinking side showing through. Help?

/tl;dr

Comments

[shadowobsessed.livejournal.com]

Welllll, I'm too lazy to shave down there, and my boyfriend certainly doesn't seem to mind. Plus, shaving gives you an increased risk of contracting STD's, and I don't like the bumps, so I'd rather not. How about you talk to your boy-friend-person and ask him if he's comfortable with it? Instead of keeping worrying secrets from each other, it actually feels quite nice when you can talk things out with each other and communicate your boundaries. :)

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

What a rational response to my oh-so-frantic post. That does make the most sense, doesn't it? I will admit to a ridiculous fear of talking about these subjects, though. I'm the sort who gets red and flustered and ends up sounding like a total moron. It's something I'm working on. He's been exceedingly patient and nice about it though, reacting to my total lack of experience and naivete with no judgment, candid answers, and a calm demeanor, so I should really take advantage and get over this silly fear I have of talking about this stuff out loud.


On another note, do you trim at all then, or do you just leave it alone?

[shadowobsessed.livejournal.com]

eh, I used to trim, but I pretty much gave up. I save that sort of thing for if I'm going swimming or whatever. Really, I'm just lazy.

and honestly, it takes a lot of work to be fully honest and say those types of things. I thought that I'd never be able to ask someone out, but I've done it. Now I'm comfortable with telling my partner what I like or dislike, or what I'd like to try, so we can have a better experience. Once you get over your silly barriers, it makes things quite easier and you'll have wished that you did it sooner. :D If you love them and they love you, I'm sure they'll accept whatever you have to say, no matter how silly sounding it might come out.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

Ahhh yeah...did the hair end up growing back more than it was before, or was that never really an issue?

Yeah, in the relationship realm I'm a complete wuss. Go figure, I can go up to complete strangers and ask them to donate money to a cause they've never heard of before, but I can't even ask someone I like about something like this.

And hahahaha it can't quite be classified as love, I don't think...we aren't even officially dating. We just have an almost explosive chemistry that makes it hard to concentrate on anything else.

[roseant.livejournal.com]

"Plus, shaving gives you an increased risk of contracting STD's"

Probably if you shave right before and you cut yourself. This probably wouldn't happen with an electric razor.

sti risk

[shellyday.livejournal.com]

i've heard this as well that having the genital area be more bare can lead to increased STI risk. does anyone have a source for this? would this be because the hair would provide somewhat of a barrier to the other person's stuff? any thoughts? i know of course, that if there is broken skin that would pose a risk. but ideas on intact bare skin?

Re: sti risk

[shadowobsessed.livejournal.com]

I think it's only dangerous if there are small cuts from shaving. I don't see a reason of it being dangerous if it's just unbroken skin next to unbroken skin.

[arseaboutface.livejournal.com]

IAWTC.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

That's fair...I guess I'm over-thinking this (not an unusual thing for me). I just freaked out so much about it!! Thanks for the reassurance and the grounding words. (:

[awriterswindow.livejournal.com]

If you are comfortable with your pubic hair, then your partner should be too! Why not ask him?

If you want to trim it, skimming a razor over it has worked for me. I've also tried scissors, but that's a touch more complicated. With a razor, if you don't press down much, it will just trim things up a bit. But only do that if you want to, not because you feel like you need to.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the tips!! I might try that...I do have another question though: does cutting/skimming with a razor make it grow back faster/longer/etc?

[jenn-possible.livejournal.com]

It won't make the hair grow back differently, but it can feel "rougher" because you've cut the tapered end off into more of a flat shape, which doesn't feel as soft. It's difficult to explain without a visual :)

But anyway, that's why a lot of people prefer waxing - since the hair is pulled out at the root, it grows back tapered and feels softer.

As far as what you ought to do about your pubic hair, it's really up to you. Personally, I think that having more hair gets in the way and decreases my sensitivity, but that's just me. Some people are the opposite, and no hair is too sensitive for them. I generally wax, but if it's been a long time between waxes, I trim with nail scissors.

Also, shaving does not increase your risk of contracting STIs. I suppose it's possible that blood/semen borne pathogens could enter a cut from shaving more easily, but that seems a little unlikely, especially if you're using condoms. A lot of the more common STIs, like herpes and HPV, are from skin-to-skin contact anyway.

[awriterswindow.livejournal.com]

Waxing really really hurt me. But perhaps that's just me. I got bruises.

[sutaseiu.livejournal.com]

I worry over this a lot too, but there's really no reason for it. Most people I know don't care, and if they do, they're pretty up front about it. Also, if you're comfortable with it, you can always ask him to do the trimming/shaving for you.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

I don't know if I have the balls to ask about that, hahahah, but thank you so much for the comment and suggestion (:!!!!

[ilovedavidbyrne.livejournal.com]

Most guys do not care, if he has felt your hairs and expressed the interest in going down on you, just don't worry about it. You might want to do a pube-tug to get any loose ones out, but other than that don't worry about it.

If you are still worried about it get a little electric shaver, a thing that leaves about 1/8-1/4 in of hair, I have one and love it, no ingrown hairs, no itchy long pubes in my panties. Perfect.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that seems to be the general consensus. I don't know why that didn't click in my head before I freaked the fuck out about this issue.

Does it feel stubbly or anything after that, though? and how quickly does it grow back out/how often do you do it?

[fear-regret.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I was the exact same as you actually. I've only had sex with two guys and the first guy was just...ugh, he doesn't count. Haha, anyways, so when my current boyfriend and I started doing things beyond making out, I realized that I should do something about my pubic hair as well. I don't like the completely -shaved feel, so I just use scissors and trim the hair until it's really short. And you can use a razor to clean up specific areas if you want. Good luck!! <3

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

How short is like, a good length though? And what's the easiest way to do it? Do you just kind of grab scissors and go at it, or is there some sort of rhyme or reason to doing it??

Ahhhh I overthink things too much, hahahaha!!

[fear-regret.livejournal.com]

Haha, it's no problem. Trust me...you don't wanna know what went through my head when my boyfriend told me that he wanted to go down on me (at the time, the ONLY thing I'd ever done was sex in missionary...nothing interesting whatsoever). I was like, "Freeze and RE-WIND!"

Anyhow, I cut it pretty short...as short as I can get it without actually shaving it off, if that helps. And yeah, I just grab scissors and go at it. Was that helpful?? =)

[vronwe.livejournal.com]

If you want to trim, do it in the shower with small, sharp scissors. You don't have to take a ton off, but if you want to, you should start by taking off a little at a time. When you're done, make sure to rinse really well to get all the hair off.

[hastoknow.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't know why this seems so strange and hard/confusing to me, but I just can't wrap my brain around it X_x

[archangelbeth]

Another way to trim is to get a guy's beard-trimmer and run it along. It leaves, on me, a short, soft stubble. I rarely nick myself with it, and when I do, I hardly notice except I might have a spot of blood or something. (I tend to do a "reverse landing strip" like this, standing over a small wastebasket to catch the falling fur, and then hop into the shower...)

[donnajuanita.livejournal.com]

oooh, clever. I've cut myself as well, and I don't think I've ever felt more ridiculous. "I just hcked at my lady bits with scissors..."

[whitearab.livejournal.com]

shaving is a pain in the ass. I started shaving about 4 months ago, and I am starting to think I need a new option because I hate the stubble and the redness (my skin is super sensitive). Electric razor-ing I have heard good things about, so I may try that next...

or if I get the guts I will wax. (ow).

I shave most of the pubic area, leaving a strip over the middle. The strip I keep trimmed down to the contours of my body shape. I just do this because if I let it grow out I really AM a bloody jungle. :P I basically just think about what it would be like to go down on me, and trim/shave accordingly.

[trbulnt-spnstr.livejournal.com]

I used to shave and let me tell you dove deoderant is like a goddess. After you shave if you put it on you won't get redness or bumps. It is amazing!

That being said being jungle can be awesome too!

[lupinelullaby.livejournal.com]

Everyone else has already given great answers! But I'd like to share how I trim.

Usually after my menstrual cycle I'll clean up a bit, for comfort reasons mostly, because I am quite hairy (dark coarse hair at that). I just take a pair of small beard trimmer scissors and trim the hair down short. It feels a bit rougher this way, but it keeps it neat and out of the way. How short you want it is totally up to you. After that I'll shave the 'bikini line'. Basically, any hair that is outside the V of my pubic area. I don't shave much more than that usually, because having dark, coarse hair that grows incredibly fast makes shaving very uncomfortable. I get ingrown hairs and it feels very stubbly usually within the same day, heh.

If you'd like to get an idea of what different styles of shaving look like, if you're comfortable with the idea, you may want to look at some pornography. Although porn should rarely be a real life guide, I have noticed that quite a few different shaving practices are used. From completely bare to just barely trimmed to funky shapes like hearts and stars.

And shaving doesn't cause hair to grow in thicker or darker. That is actually a myth. =)

[oursadhearts.livejournal.com]

This. Definitely. :D

[bezsmertni.livejournal.com]

In addition to pornography, a gallery of photos of female genital piercings can be helpful. I might be wrong on this, because I don't typically use photos to masturbate, but I reckon piercing photos might also be less touched up than porn.

[lupinelullaby.livejournal.com]

Oh! Excellent idea! I remember it was a piercing photo that let me know, that yes... the majority of women do get those red bumps. I'm not alone. And it doesn't make me gross. Whereas porn often airbrushes photos to make the skin look perfect and spotless.

[yourmarian.livejournal.com]

i'm lazy about this so i just shave it all off. for a while i did the landing strip but it takes too much attention.

[voyevoda.livejournal.com]

My guy actually LIKES hair down there. First time with him I shaved. Key thing is talking to them. *lol*

Now, though, I only trim with a razor (basically run a normal razor over top of the pile of hair a few times) and maybe shave off the sides/around the main 'going down' spot. It gets a bit itchy the first few times you do it, but you quickly get used to that and it dulls. :) But key is to do what you want to do. I'm happy enough with just a patch, and he still gets what he likes.

[miss-girl.livejournal.com]

most guys are just happy to be down there haha. and if that doesn't convince you, here's something one of my guy pals said and I thought he put it best: "you can pretty much get over anything if you like someone enough."

good luck ;]

[kuni-bob.livejournal.com]

If it makes you feel any better, I didn't even know that hairless was a popular option until I was 24, so I was au naturel until that point...and I had had a few long-term boyfriends, none of whom seemed to mind that I was wild and woolly. I was au naturel for awhile after that, too.

Trimming is always an option if you feel like doing a bit of grooming, but I agree that if he's been feeling what's down there and still wants to go, chances are he does not mind one bit. :)

Good luck and have fun! (Not to be creepy...lol!)

[kuni-bob.livejournal.com]

*"hairless" should have been "hairless or trimmed"

[ilikerivers.livejournal.com]

Do whatever you feel comfortable with. You don't have to trim if you don't feel like it. I tend to leave my bush full and don't do anything with it. I like it and my girlfriend likes it too. I have quite a wild soft jungle. You or your partner can hold the hair out of the way during oral sex. I think it's nicer than trimmed or shaved because sometimes that feels prickly. If I really want a change, I buzz my hair down with an electric trimmer, but I only do from my clit down and my bikini line and leave the mons hairy.

If you do decide to trim, do it carefully, either through a comb with scissors or with an electric trimmer (they are about $20), and do it a few days before the sex so it doesn't feel quite so trimmed. You can also condition or rub a gentle moisteriser on your pubes so they are even softer.

[theoceanpisces.livejournal.com]

I have always had to shave the bikini line because I was a swimmer, so I have been doing it since I first got pubes. I shave with the grain though. The top of the triangle is about 3 inches wide, just so you have an idea. A few years ago, I started trimming what was left and was surprised at how much I liked that. Dried discharge and blood doesn't get stuck to my pubes and that makes me feel a bit more fresh... hahaha I probably trim it down to 1/2 inch or shorter. I do leave it a bit longer on the mons because my boyfriend complains if it is all too short. He likes to smell my pubes...

[aeryn.livejournal.com]

One thing I will say is that if you do shave, do it a few days before you meet up with him again. Sometimes I would shave and my ex would go down on me and the rough hair would irritate his face!

[trbulnt-spnstr.livejournal.com]

I can understand your nerves! When I first started getting more physical with people I had no clue what to do with my pubic hair. I started shaving bc the person I was sleeping with liked it even though I didn't at all. It didn't feel good when I was getting touched. Now I trim, and I do it with scissors not an electric razor, (although both work great! I'm just sharing my personal experience). I like trimming bc I know when I go down on a girl it's sometimes hard to get her clit if there's too much hair there-it's just not that sexy to push pubic hair away from your face for me, (although some people don't mind at all which is also awesome!).

I know it can be really scary and nerve racking to talk to someone about what they like, and what you're willing to do, but I would try to do that. First, I would think about what i was willing to do, and give the person those options. Whatever works for you though!

[paperispatient.livejournal.com]

I have friends who shave everything and I have friends who don't trim even a bit. I'm towards the barer end of the spectrum, I shave some and trim what's left because I think it looks nice and tidy, and I like that. I shave my "bikini area" hair into a nice little triangle and I shave some of the hair that's on my vulva, and for the rest I get little nail scissors and just trim it so it's short - I find it more comfortable in underwear and I like how it looks. I think most guys, though, are going to be so happy that you're getting naked together that exactly what your pubic hair looks like will not be an issue - and if you really wanted to know what he thought, like others have suggested, just ask him! I've never had anyone comment on mine, good or bad.

[oopsiedaisies7.livejournal.com]

This is exactly what I would have said, so just read this comment twice.

(But as an addendum, I shaved off all of my pubes as soon as my boyfriend and I started getting frisky, because I thought that's what he would like. I kept it like that for a year (!) until I got sick of shaving everything. And as it turns out, he likes the triangle or my natural hair more than shaving it all off because it gives him something to play with.)

Normal?

[alice-007.livejournal.com]

Well, I think any guy (or girl) should be honoured to visit your 'private neighbourhood', and it should be just that - YOURS!

If you want to see what choices other girls have made, take a look at the "Everyday Bodies Project", here at VP!
http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/tag/everyday-bodies-project-posts

Any time I hear some girl say "I'm weird 'down there'!", I show them this, and a few other sites, an most of them realize that there is a LOT of variety, they're all different, and all NORMAL - and so is she!

Part of me worries about the current 'Bare' style, because I sometimes feel that girls are trying to meet 'Porn Star' standards, and there's something a little 'creepy' about people expecting girls to look 'Pre-Pubescent', by being hairless. Then again, for some people it's about their own comfort, how the bareness affects their 'sensitivity', easier to keep the area clean and fresh, and a lot of other reasons.

Going Natural is, well, 'Natural'! That's how we're designed, the amount is genetic (Thanks, Mom, Grandma, etc), and actually the hair kind of keeps your personal 'scent' natural (I don't want a flower garden down there, myself), for a lot of people the hair ADDS to sensitivity (brushing across just the hairs can be 'Ooooh!, in a good way) - Plus there's the whole "Low Maintenance" concept, which is a big 'Plus', and the lack of razor burn and ingrown hairs! We're all different, but that's a GOOD thing, IMHO!

Lately, I'm 'Middle of the Road', Natural but Neatly Trimmed, and I use a standard drugstore men's beard trimmer to keep things 'under control', and a little 'edge trimming' for appearance sake in bathing suits, etc, and it makes ME feel 'Well Groomed', like why I trim, pluck, and contour my eyebrows.

I think it should be like your hair style, style of makeup, clothing style, everything that's usually visible to the public - Whatever YOU are comfortable with! I think it's a part of my personality, and no-one else can tell me what's right for ME! I certainly take my partner's preference into account, but that's just one small factor that goes into my decision - It's MINE, dammit, you wear yours your way, I'll wear mine my way!

BE YOURSELF, and be happy with your own choice! 99% of your partners will be fine with it - and you really don't want to be with someone in that 1%, because next they'll want to decide your hairstyle, clothes, makeup, and pretty much take over your life, and that's NEVER Good!

Have Fun with your New Boy, and remember, he's the lucky one, for being allowed in your 'Magic Garden'! =D

ps: Oral is a LOT of Fun - ENJOY! *giggle*

[khongashes.livejournal.com]

i highly recommend this: http://www.amazon.com/Remington-BKT-1000-Shape-Bikini-Trimmer/dp/B0000BY85E/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=hpc&qid=1227977704&sr=1-1

not a shaver.. a trimmer!! (keeps the skin in tact, but removes the bushy feeling --removing the batteries while not in use will make the device last a ton longer, i've already had mine for a couple years and it still works splendidly, my boyfriend uses it too LOL)

i personally think that it's a bad thing that women live in a world where their bodies are expected be a certain way i.e. shaved all over etc. etc. etc. etc.

however, the most important thing is not changing the world if you dont think you can. but rather feeling comfortable about your own body and self. if bushy pubes make you uncomfortable about your body/self, then you should be able to do what you can to/for your body/self in order to be OK

[eatmorepi.livejournal.com]

This was so me before my first time too. I ended up asking him, and he said he didn't mind but it's "easier when it's bare" or something to that effect. I wound up shaving my labia and leaving some on top. Eventually I just started shaving all of it.

Now I wax but it's truly just my personal preference. I've grown it out a few times and he doesn't seem to mind either way. I think it is a bit more pleasurable for him when he goes down on me for it to be smooth, and I get that - I don't like kissing his stubbly face as much either =P

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Take comfort. If he's ever put his hands down there, he knows there's hair. And apparently, he still desperately wants to go down on you. Keep that in mind, and then go to TOWN!

[bezsmertni.livejournal.com]

Ask him. I've had two of my partners actually trim my hair, so they got it to the length they preferred, and recently I've started sugaring (a less painful alternative to waxing). Just keep these two things in mind:

1. It's nice to please your partner, but your pubic hair grooming should definitely feel like your own choice and not societal pressure.
2. Your partner should be ok with whatever you decide.

While my current partner was pretty much ecstatic when I started sugaring, he never had a problem with a full bush, either. I think as long as there aren't loose hairs, not trimming at all isn't a big deal.