(( VaginaPagina ))

two things, both interrealated:

1) i can only orgasm the following ways: vibrator directly on the clit, manual stimulation (during sex or otherwise), oral.

2) in the past, this has never presented a problem. I tend to feel a little ashamed (dissapointed) that i can't get off w/o some kind of help, but i know this is completely normal. all of my past partners have been extremely open minded, and wanted me to do whatever i need to to feel good.

the problem is that my new partner is very threatened by sex toys. VERY. we are considering moving in together, and he has given me the ultimatum of throwing them away or not moving in. he has this stupid idea that i just haven't "tried hard enough" to orgasm the "natural way," he even seems to feel that when i touch myself during sex it insults his abilities. i feel like he is trying to condem me to sex without pleasure, and believe me, i've had enough years of that.
i respect that fact that he wants it to be just "a man and a women" (also, he is the only guy i've ever been with that calls it "making love") but his opinions about what i should be doing with my body insult me. you know what, i call it fucking and when i do it i like to come. period.
he seems to feel threatened by the fact that i have been with other men as well (even though he has been with 14 other women), he constantly obsesses about his penis size and his skills as a lover.
i've done everything i can to comfort him, and actually he is quite good. i just can't relax around him sexually, buecause i feel he resents me for what i need to do to get off. This includes the fact that i have to use lube to get wet enough, another blow to his ego.

What should i do?!? it really sucks that i've found someone i can be with, but he has such big problem with something i really enjoy. i am NOT willing to sacrifice my own pleasure to please him, and i am NOT willing t lie about what i like. i have never encountered this problem before (normally men think sex toys and masturbation during sex are hot) and have no idea what to do.

also, he's commented that i'm "too particular" about what i like. i give direction, because i know what i like. if he doesn't do things the right way i feel no pleasure. in my opinion, he should be glad for the help.

*another point that really hurts my feelings- he compares me to other women. they never "had that problem" and they all "came just from sex." i tried to tell him that most of them were prob faking, but he certainly didn't want to here that. i don't want to feel like there's anything wrong with me, and i didn't really until he made such an issue about this

i don't want to have to lie or fake it, we're all adults here (by here i mean my relationship).

EDIT: most of the assertions that he is controling are pretty much correct, although i would say it stems from a severve lack of self esteem more than anything else (ex. he's a cop, if that gives you any clues). i agree with the advice as far as not moving in, it's pretty muuch how i felt as soon as this issue came up. i mostly posted because i'm so hurt that he was able to make me feels ashamed of pursuing my own pleasure. i hope it's a feeling that won't hurt future relationships.

*********thanks for all the support, all of you guys pretty much articulated the things that i should have been thinking for quite awhile now. best community ever.