2 Weeks after first time; nervous about tonight!

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Hi,

So, my husband and I got married two weeks ago. We both decided to wait until marriage, so we were virgins on our honeymoon night.

It took a long time, there was quite a bit of pain for me (both with my inner muscles and with tearing my hymen, which I felt tear two different times and I still am not sure it's completely split), but we were about as relaxed as could be, laughed about it, and had an intimate first experience.

But after that, while on honeymoon, we tried two other times and I was just too tight/too much in pain (more from the tear, I think) to continue all the way. We did use lube (I'm sure our first-timer clumsiness didn't help), but I felt so tight that it was really not a pleasant experience. Despite all the foreplay in the world, once he started going in, the pain killed all of that for me. Anyway...

So immediately after honeymoon, I got my period, and he's a little grossed about about sex with that, which is fine with me, so today, we can finally try again.

The thing is, after two weeks, I still don't think my hymen has healed. It still hurts like hell (especially when I pee or try to clean down there), exactly like a new cut, and when I feel down there I can feel the spot where it is still raw. It sort of feels swelled a bit, right at the entrance; I didn't have any problem with tampons or anything but it hurts a lot - it's just irritated. It doesn't seem to be healing at all, and it hurts to have anything even slightly grazing it, so I am really afraid of how much it is going to hurt to have him trying to penetrate.

Sorry for the graphicness, I just hope that might help with answers. I guess I want to know how long this is going to take to heal, anything I can do about that specific pain (something to numb), if it's safe to use lube on an open cut, and if anyone else had a similar experience?

Comments

[frecklestars.livejournal.com]

I would recommend no lube on an open cut. Give yourself a few days, because as much as it sucks, re-tearing a wound to try to be intimate again just isn't worth it. At least in my opinion; my first time hurt quite badly, and afterward I didn't wait for a little while (and wish I had). Good luck! And congratulations on getting married! :)

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much - I'll have to have a talk with the hubby and see what he thinks. I know he'll be understanding and patient even if I have to make him wait a little longer! :)

[frecklestars.livejournal.com]

That's a good relationship right there.

[akimova.livejournal.com]

I'd say go see a doctor - you shouldn't be in that much pain after 2 weeks. Also for the tightness factor, maybe warm up to full-blown sex with fingering?

[missjecka.livejournal.com]

I agree with this.

I have a few friends who told me about their first time, and they weren't sore for more than a few days after breaking their hymen. (In my case, mine was already broken before I started having sex, or I wasn't born with one, so I don't have any personal experience with it.)

To the OP: Definitely go to a gynecologist about this, and best of luck!

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for both of your input. I think if this doesn't heal in a few days I'll go get looked at, but it seems like maybe it wasn't my hymen at all...ah, so embarrassing to not even know about my own body!

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

When you say you feel an open cut, do you mean inside your vagina? Your hymen is on the inside but the area between your vaginal opening and your anus is your perenium.

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Um, sorry, maybe I have the terms wrong? It's right on the outside of the opening; I've always had a bit of skin there and since I distinctly felt it tear twice as he went in further, I sort of assumed that that had to be the hymen breaking that everyone talks about?

It's maybe right on the edge of the perenium; it's close enough that when I place toilet tissue down there, it rubs it and hurts terribly.

If it's not my hymen, I'm even more confused.

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

A hymen is inside the vagina. It is always torn by the time you start to menstruate because it would block the flow if it wasn't but sometimes it will tear more if it is intact by the time you have sex. The vaginal opening can knick when you first have sex. I know mine sure did and it stung for a couple of weeks, and it can knick when you have a baby, but that's not actually your hymen. It's just your vaginal opening being stretched beyond what it is used to.

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Okay, this sounds like what is going on. That's a relief, to be sure, especially since you say you hurt for a few weeks...if I can ask, did you wait until you were all healed up before you had sex again, or did you just go ahead and tough through the pain? I guess I'm feeling a little stuck either way; I'm either going to have to deal with the pain, or potentially re-tearing if it heals.

Thank you!

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

To be honest, I was 14 when I lost my virginity and because I didn't drive, I had to wait a few weeks to have sex again anyhow, but I would definitely wait it out and find other ways to have intimacy if I had to deal with it now. You don't want more tears because eventually it is going to put stress on your sex life... not to mention hurt like hell. If it isn't healed up in a few more days, I would go see a doctor. I don't want to scare you and I have no idea how bad your tear is, but a lot of times when the perenium tears during childbirth, a doctor will stitch it. It's probably not torn nearly that bad but it wouldn't hurt to get it checked.

[aggiebell.livejournal.com]

I'd highly recommend waiting until you heal, because the physical conditioning of "sex really hurts" can stick around for a while, and that's no fun, especially since of course you want sex to increase your trust and intimacy with your husband, and not be a chore or a burden or suffering. After you heal, stretching with fingers before intercourse should hopefully keep you from re-tearing anything.

[fleurdiabolique.livejournal.com]

Actually (and I quote from http://www.coolnurse.com/hymen.htm (http://www.coolnurse.com/hymen.htm)), the hymen is "located outside the vagina. The hymen is a layer of tissue, just like the tissue around the opening of your vagina that partially conceals the vaginal orifice." Most hymens do have an opening naturally, which develops just prior to birth.

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

There is no piece of tissue on the outside of the opening, ever. She is talking about her actual skin around the outside of the opening, as in reach down your pants and feel your vagina and it has a tear, not a piece of tissue just inside the vagina.
This is graphic but it shows where the hymen is. It is not where she described.
http://www.rotten.com/library/sex/hymen/

[my-neighborhood.livejournal.com]

Sorry but you're describing exactly how the hymen is outside the vagina. It partially covers the opening of the orifice. The pictures do not depict a hymen inside the vagina. As in, in the case of an unbroken hymen, you feel it right over the opening, it's not something you would have to insert a finger to feel.

Perhaps it's just your wording that's confusing me and you actually are describing my thoughts :P

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

She is trying to describe a tear on her perenium. It's not actually on the vagina, but on the vulva around the vagina. By outside the vaginal opening, I mean away from it. She can easily touch it when she wipes, whereas, the toilet paper shouldn't be able to get at the end of the vagina unless she's REALLY digging. lol

[my-neighborhood.livejournal.com]

I see. Then, that would make sense in her case I guess, it would explain why it hurt so much and for longer :|

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Okay, after Googling both terms and looking at some diagrams, I most definitely tore my hymen, I'm almost positive. I laughed at the "really digging" comment, I don't think that's a problem but maybe if it's hurting me that much it's more inflamed down there than I thought. At any rate, I guess that means two weeks is two long and I'll be calling the doctor tomorrow just to be on the safe side.

Thanks to you both so much for your help in helping me clear that up!

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

She can easily touch it when she wipes, whereas, the toilet paper shouldn't be able to get at the end of the vagina unless she's REALLY digging.

I admit I'm a little confused as well. The hymen is located directly at the entrance to the vagina, not inside (the page you linked describes it as "covering" the vagina); just as the perineum is not located "on the vulva" but below the vulvo-vaginal area. The hymen and its remnants (which can hang on for years -- I still have a few bits) can certainly easily be contacted with toilet paper during wiping.

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

The perenium is the thing I have an 11 year old scar on from childbirth... I know where it is, but it was the best way to explain it to her without a diagram and a pointer for her.

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that definitely sounds like what I tore. I guess regardless, I just don't know if I should let it heal which seems like it is going to be a long while, or if I should just um, deal with it?

Thanks for the information!

[sareena99.livejournal.com]

No, you don't have to just *deal* with it :)
How about you ask your dh that he just plays with you for now, using his fingers to GENTLY stretch you. I would also suggest going to see your GYN first, just to make sure that everything is OK.

[my-neighborhood.livejournal.com]

The above comment is right, you shouldn't have to just "deal with it", as in you can be more gentle and slow at first or work up to it with fingers. On the other hand, you unfortunately do have to kind of deal with the pain :P When I tore my hymen it hurt like a bitch for a day or two, I had to kind of waddle around slowly haha, and then stung for oh, a week?

I mean, it's normal for it to hurt for a decent amount of time but 2 weeks is rather long.

[fleurdiabolique.livejournal.com]

I think I agree with some other commenters here -- if it's been this long and it hasn't been healing well, maybe it's time to get a doctor to take a look at it.

[kaelstra.livejournal.com]

Actually, hymens aren't always "torn" by the time you start getting periods. Many hymens naturally have small openings in them however in case they don't actually get torn before that point.

However, a lot of times, hymens will get torn/broken long before sex doing other things-but it's not as if nature deliberately plans this, it just kind of happens, but has nothing to do with your ability to menstruate. Only women with completely inperforate hymens will have an issue with blockage, all other hymen times can allow blood to pass easily enough, some can even accommodate a tampon being inserted while not actually breaking the rest of the hymen.

[scien.livejournal.com]

The hymen covers the outside of the vagina. And while the vast majority of hymens have enough of a hole to let blood through during menstruation (ones that don't are called 'imperforate hymens' and require minor surgery), that doesn't mean it can accomodate penetrative sex comfortably.

[dailybecoming.livejournal.com]

usually the hymen does not need to be *broken* to allow for menstrual flow.

The hymen is located at the vaginal opening not really inside the vagina. Although some people consider the inside of their vagina anything between the outer labia (lips) so in that case i guess yes it could be considered inside the vagina

Usually the hymen has its own opening which is explained by wikipedia under Types of Hymen's - there is a rare type of hymen that is called "imperforate" which wikipedia defines "hymen completely covers vaginal orifice; will require minor surgery if it has not corrected itself by puberty to allow menstrual fluids to escape"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hymen

I would suggest google-ing Hymen and looking at the different pictures and such - it would help you understand what is happening and maybe you can learn a few tricks to make sex with the hubby easier or how to care for the torn parts of the hymen better.

[foureyeddarlin.livejournal.com]

Congratulations on your marriage!

I would also recommend seeing a doctor: in general there is a large blood supply to the genitals, so minor wounds should heal quickly. That you are still experiencing pain is a concern.

[archesophos.livejournal.com]

Thank you for the advice. I think if it's not better in a few days I will definitely do that.

[superjen.livejournal.com]

yeah, it does sound like you tore your perineum, so i would go see a doctor and make sure everything's okay down there before you continue.

in terms of sex really hurts... take it real slow. you might want to ask your husband to gently stimulate you with his hands, both inside and outside, and really, however you like. just make sure his nails are trimmed and filed and that his hands are clean. if he's up to it (and if you are) oral might relax you enough to take penetration.

the most important thing, i think, is to engage in a lengthy foreplay. lots of making out, touching, talking, etc. it makes the experience far more relaxed and gives you time to get completely aroused, making your vagina more likely to accommodate a penis.

ps- congratulations on being hitched. enjoy each other!

[kaelstra.livejournal.com]

Despite all the foreplay in the world, once he started going in, the pain killed all of that for me.

[scien.livejournal.com]

Definitely no sex until it stops stinging and hurting, wait til you're healed. If it doesn't stop soon see a doctor about it.