(no subject)

[haleyheartshake.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this is the place to come for this but it seems like it is,

        

I want to have sex with my boyfriend for the first time.
I'm really scared but, I know I want to do it.
Its been brought to my attention by a few of my LJ friends
that I havn't "gone down" on him yet, but thats because,
I don't want to touch or suck a penis, it just seems gross.
So I figured another form of pleasure for him would be sex.
[One of the many reasons why I'd want to do it, *to pleasure him*]
anyways, is it bad that I'm wanting to have sex and I havn't even
touched or sucked his penis? Is it nessessary to do that some time
before you ever have sex? Or is it okay not to?

He "goes down" on me all the time, hes constantly touching me
and all that kind of stuff. He says its okay that I don't want to touch
him or any thing like that, he said he loves me and enjoys touching
me and he can't stop and blah-blah-blah.

Plus, aside from me not going down on him, or any thing of the sort,
I also had a few questions about sex. Like, if its your first time how the
hell are you suppose to know what to do?


I hope some one can help me..
Or add me to LJ and read my entrys and help me..
My lj is friends only.

ugh, this sucks.

Comments

[nmbr5wthabulet.livejournal.com]

I, personally, would rather have him inside me than suck him off or give handjobs. Getting off at the same time is much easier for me because all I want to do once I get off is sleep and he doesn't want to go first. Sex is supposed to be fun and about both of you. Don't feel like you have to have sex just because you're not messing with his penis in any other way (I understand if you have other reasons, but you specifically mentioned that one). Go slow, breathe, and (seriously) just enjoy yourself.

[spiffychicky.livejournal.com]

What it comes down to in the end is do what you're comfortable with and don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable (even if it is pleasuring him).
I can certainly understand wanting to have sex instead of oral sex. You have to be in the right kind of mood to have your face that close to a penis =)
There is no "right order" for sex. It's not like a kissing->touching->fingering->oral->sex flowchart. You can go in any order that you want, and do some things and not do others.

My first time, I had no idea what I was doing. I just lay there and let him do the work. But the second time, when I took more of an iniative and just jumped on it was a LOT better. It didn't hurt for me, but it does for some people.

You don't HAVE to have sex or give him oral. It's not like you have to choose one or the other. You can do one, or both, or none at all. Don't feel guilted into having sex because you don't want to preform oral sex.

Do what feels right to you. If you do decide to have sex use protection. And remember, you can always decide that you want to try it and change your mind at any point

[r-nightshade.livejournal.com]

I personally don't do that to my boyfriend at all and I never would. So I think if you are ready to have sex, then go ahead. There is no right thing to do before you have sex other than use protection. ;)

[angabel.livejournal.com]

There is no rule book for sex. I've had friends who have had sex with their partners and never went down on them and vice versa. It's just personal preference, really.

Obviously I can't speak for you, but I'm a virgin too and I'm waiting until I don't feel scared to have sex. For me, feeling scared is a sign that I'm still not comfortable with the idea of sex. Of course, there is a difference between being scared and being nervous, but that's one that only you can define!

It's certainly not bad that you want to have sex before going down on him, but just based on the attitude you have... perhaps trying to go down on him would make having sex later more comfortable for you. If you see his penis as "gross", then why would you want to let him put it in your vagina? I think it'd be beneficial if you tried to de-grossify yourself before deciding to have sex, so there will be less of a chance that you'll regret it later on.

Also, sex shouldn't just be about you pleasing him! It should be a mutual decision for the both of you... that both of you want the pleasure of sex, and have discussed the risks (which is just as important as the act, in my opinion). Have you talked to him about the risks involved with sex?

Whatever happens, just take your time. It's a big thing and you shouldn't ever feel forced into making up your mind if you're not totally ready yet.

[moriah.livejournal.com]

personally I think maybe you should think about why you have issues touching his penis first, there's nothing gross or dirty about them, if you feel unfortable perhaps you're not ready

I'm coming off as a bitch hah, I don't mean to, but I think maybe if you find his penis so gross you're not ready or if he actually *is* that gross there may be something going on down there that you don't really want to come in contact with you

that's my 2 cents, but other then that if you just really really dislike giving head/handjobs and you're certain you want to have sex just make sure you're both comfortable with it and use protection, as a previous user said there's no correct flow of how to approach this, do what you feel is right and if you REALLY feel sex is what you want to do, maybe you'll become more comfortable with his penis afterwords

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[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Well, here's my personal standpoint: while I think wanting to pleasure a sexual partner is a great thing, I personally feel that whether or not you decide to have sex should depend on what you want for yourself, not solely on the other person's pleasure.

Performing oral sex isn't for everyone. I personally love performing oral sex on my partners, and it's part of my belief that a healthy sexual relationship and healthy romantic relationship includes loving and accepting your partner's body from head to toe.

That doesn't mean you should perform oral sex if you don't want to -- and there's certainly no "order" for sexual experience -- but I do think that it's important to be psychologically comfortable with a penis, and accept it as a part of his body and sexual function, before having penetrative sex.

After all, this is a body part that will potentially be inside of your vagina -- which can be a very intimate and even vulnerable feeling -- and if you have feelings that it is "gross" or unpleasant, that might not make for a great experience for you.

My personal advice might be to try and experiment more with your partner before deciding to have penetrative sex. That doesn't need to include oral sex, but it certainly can't hurt to get to know more about his penis and become more familiar with it. Have fun with it, and learn more about how each other's bodies work!

As for the first time -- well, as many people will tell you, it's pretty common to have no idea what to do your first time! I know I didn't, and many men and women didn't either. :)

Remember though, there's no one "way to do sex." The basics are there -- penetrate the penis with the vagina, and include thrusting... but things like positions, how you want to move or react is something that can take time and experimentation.

That's part of why being very familiar and comfortable with each other's bodies is so important... it helps you "figure it out," so to speak. :)

Now that you are considering having intercourse, it would be a great time to sit down with your partner and discuss things like contraceptive options and STI protection. Would you like to use condoms, hormonal birth control, or another method? Do you know how to use those methods correctly -- for instance, how to properly put on a condom to ensure it doesn't break?

Then there's other things -- like do you want to use store-bought lubricant to ease penetration? What position would you like to try first... missionary is obviously a basic, but a lot of people enjoy girl-on-top for a first-time experience. Now's a great time to find out all that stuff so that when you do decide to have sex, you're prepared. :)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

...And by "penetrate the penis with the vagina," obviously I meant "penetrate the vagina with the penis." Though I'd pay good money to see it done the other way around!

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Me too!

When do tickets go on sale? :P

[socloseicantsee.livejournal.com]

I know you got a lot of great advice, but I had the same thing happen with me when i first started having sex.
Don't worry about touching him down there until you feel comfortable.
Personally, I was having sex with my boyfriend for about 6 months before I started giving him head.
And that's not saying that you should give him head at all.

When it comes to having sex for the first time-- it just comes to you. Once you are in the mood, your body will tell you what to do. Yeah, it might be a little akward and clumsy at first...but it gets better.

Anyway..have fun! Keep relaxed, and don't give him head until you are ready!

[archangelbeth]

Personally, I would find it useful to get to know the guy's anatomy with hands before doing other stuff -- you know which way it tilts, and you can grab it and aim it better if he's poking you wrongly, and you can put the condom on, which may keep the guy's interest better than if he's putting it on himself. You can also be watching to make sure that it looks like it's on properly and has no rips.

But hey, I think it's just the bestest "joystick" in the universe, and really fun to hold onto, so I'm biased.

A clean penis is actually pretty nice to touch, I think -- it's going to be soft, like garment leather. An erect one has the most unique combination of "hard" and "give" to it -- very comfortable to squeeze. The shaft, at least, should start pretty dry. If your guy doesn't do a lot of pre-cum, the head may be dry as well. If he's recently washed and dried off, there should be little to no sweat odor -- though there probably will be a sort of "musk" that... Hrm. Just smells like penis, to me. I don't mind it, though I wash my hands after, of course.

Now, after all that? Go at your own pace. If you get used to having the anatomy around, you may decide it's the most fun toy in the world. Or not, and that's okay too.

(And definitely, please don't push yourself into anything you're not ready for -- which includes intercourse as well.)

[aesoploveee.livejournal.com]

You're talking to a new non-virgin. :) I just gave mine away yesterday to my boyfriend of nine months. I have never performed oral sex on him or him on me because he's actually not that into it and neither am I. (he's more into wanting to do it to me, haha) While I totally respect someone's decision to give/receive oral, I agree with queensugar that it's definitely not for everyone so as long as you and your partner have no qualms about it, then what someone else defines as 'normal' is moot.

I have given him plenty of handjobs before. However, I dunno how much knowing each other's body parts helped when we had sex. We were both virgins and definitely still incredibly awkward, hahaha, and we love each other deeply. Just goes to show that no amount of planning can prepare you exactly for the real thing.

While it was sort of difficult and not at all smooth like the love scenes in movies, I really wouldn't have changed anything at all. I felt so close to him and it was perfect. You won't know what to do, and that is the truth. You're going to fumble, possibly not be able to get the condom on, and I even had to guide him in because he had no idea what to do. ;P

But as long as you're comfortable together and truly care and respect one another, I'm sure it will be a wonderful experience. I know it was for me. We didn't have any lubricant on hand, but I'd recommend lots of foreplay beforehand to relax you and get you in the mood. Otherwise you may be too nervous or your vag might just not be ready. Above all, treasure your time with him and have fun!

Before we even got to this point, my boyfriend and I had a long talk. About what we were comfortable with sexually, uncomfortable with. What protection we'd use, etc, etc. It really eased my mind and made me feel way more confident about sharing my first time with him. I've been on HBC for a few weeks now and we decided to use a condom though we're STD free because we just felt more safe that way (from babies).

I think you need to think about your decision by yourself as well! I asked myself a bunch of questions before we took that step in our relationship and I think it really helped. "Do YOU want to have sex? Why do you want to have sex? Is there anything that you don't want to happen during sex? Is there anything you do want to happen? Is it for you and him both, not just one of you? Have you discussed all of these questions with your significant other? Etc, etc, etc"

One thing that I might add just as my own opinion. Don't have misconceptions about your first time. It's not always a precendent for the rest of your sex life. It's not all fireworks and orgasms. In fact, I didn't even orgasm because we were both so new to it. For me, though, it wasn't about the orgasm, it was about the emotional, physical, and spiritual bonding of being with him. Not to say you won't orgasm, of course, some ladies do I'm sure, but just be realistic. It's a lot less disappointing and a lot more relaxing (for you both!) if you don't hold it as the "do or die" moment. :)

[righteousbean.livejournal.com]

If you don't want to touch a penis, with your hands or otherwise, why on earth would you be comfortable with having a penis inside you?

Before you think about having sex you should look into why you think a penis is gross, and then take it from there.

There's no chart as to what you should or shouldn't do. No check list when it comes to sex, but if you make the choice to have sex, you should be comfortable with his body parts as well as your own.

If you're scared, you should wait. Don't have sex ONLY because you want to pleasure him. He will not have any pleasure in having sex with you if you're uncomfortable or grossed out by a penis.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Ok. So...I never had put my mouth on a penis when I had sex. For me, personally, its a little more intimate (and weird) to put someone else's parts in your mouth than someone else's parts in your parts (or visa versa). I don't know why, but I have never understood the idea that oral sex is less of a "big deal" or less intimate than intercourse.

I do think that it helps a lot to get to know someone's body before you have sex though. Which probably means touching his penis/balls (and I don't necessarily mean to give him pleasure or get him off...just touch it a little!) and also LOOKING at them! Know what's down there before you get all up and friendly with it. ;)

Here's what I think about losing your virginity. When you think you are ready, then don't do it...but figure out what kind of birth control you would use if you did do it. Then go get that birth control, and start taking it (if it's a medication) and/or having it available when you see your partner (if it's a barrier like a condom). Talk about sex with your partner. Other commenters have covered this really well. I know its hard, but its so important, and will really pave the way for you to have a good sex life. At the very least, discuss whether you are both ready, and whether you'll be using condoms etc. THEN! You can think about actually having the sex. Don't do it until you can't wait any longer! Don't do it if you're wondering what to do...do it when you can't keep your hands off each other, and just want to rip his clothes off!

I know that sounds a little silly...and that's not what I did when I lost my virginity...but I just think its a good idea to do it when you're just bursting at the seams WANTING it!! :D