awkward 1st time sex, condom, uk BC question

[elanor-g.livejournal.com]

Hi, I'm a long time lurker to VP and I know you ladies give great advice.

My thing is this, my boyfriend and me have started taking our relationship to the next level.  Today we attempted having sex but didn't work, the thing is he's not that experianced but niether am I but I know what gets me goin.  He's just pressin buttons randomly, I tried guiding his hand to where I like it but its kinda frustrating, any advice to share?

We were using the durex performa condoms, whats everyone's experiances with them?  Any sugestions on what brand of condoms to get?  

Oh and is BC in the uk free on the nhs?

Comments

[imnotyourstarx.livejournal.com]

as far as figuring out what you like, i would say just experiment with yourself. treat yourself to a nice vibrator! if youre too young to visit your local sex shop, there are fabulous online sites. i *love* babeland.com.

to teach HIM what you like, well, just tell him! go for a walk and talk about it. its really not as awkward as it sounds, once you start talking.

i HATE performax condoms. nasty things, really. i generally do like durex brand best, but i would stick with the regular ones. if youre worried about him finishing too quickly, well, hes young (im guessing) and a virgin, so hes going to be fast, end of story. dont resort to weird substances inside condoms to help him improve. hell get better over time, once he gets a bit more used to sex and all. dont worry!

dont know anything about the uk bc system, im in texas, usa. best of luck!!!

[annmari123.livejournal.com]

Yep, birth control is free on the NHS regardless of age.

[hearthsock.livejournal.com]

holy shit i wish the US was like that

wow

[annmari123.livejournal.com]

The NHS pick and choose though. A single prescription charge is £6.85 regardless of whether your medication is worth 65pence or £65.

[leyo.livejournal.com]

Patience is probably the most important thing -- it will get better, when you're very comfortable with each other and know what you both like! And talk about it. Try to explain (gently, not accusingly) what it is that you'd like to do. Sharing fantasies with each other can be fun -- you can tell him a sexy story, detailing all the things you'd love him to do for you. That's both hot and educational, heh.

You might just need a bit more time to be able to relax properly together. Good luck!

(yes BC is free on the NHS -- no prescription charges or anything)

[archangelbeth]

Knowing what sort of things you like is useful, because then you can tell him better -- and learning what he likes is useful, because then you can say, "Okay, this? This is a lot harder/faster/slower/lighter than I like." Compare it to what gets him going.

Another thing to do is spend some time just, well, massaging. Like up from one foot or ankle and sort of explore and not... push buttons randomly. *grin* A slow and methodical course of "study."

Only condoms I've used long-term were Naturalambs (which are not deemed effective against STIs/STDs, but we've used 'em for over 10 years without breakages).

Luck with the practice!

[glitterybabe.livejournal.com]

You can also get condoms free on the NHS as well, you can get them from the family planning clinic or your GP can give you some.

[thought-ribbons.livejournal.com]

Keep trying! my bf abd I just started having sex a few months ago. it took practice for him to know what I like, how etc. lol men an me frustrating-they get "mad" (or frustrated with themselves) when it takes you longer than they do to "Get it going". Just keep trying and he'll figure it out eventually.

My Bf REALLY hates durex performa. (really they all seem the same to me). but the best advice is for you to buy small packs and try the different brands until you find one you both like!

Good like!

[daddysaysto.livejournal.com]

My favorite advice, if he hasn't done this already, is to get his face down between your legs and get his bearings. Let him poke around a bit. Help him find the vagina, point out the clitoris, let him move your labia around, gently tug here and there and see what looks like what and how everything works. And while he's down there, he should pay the favor back by spending a little oral time down there.

More than a good time, it's good for him to literally SEE where everything is and have him touch you so he can see what his fingers are touching and where he needs to move when he's reaching down there when he can't see (like when he's trying to guide his penis into you). Plus, while he's down there, take the time to let him watch you masturbate. Have him take over a couple times and let him explore, then guide him back to doing what you want and what works best. CONSTANTLY praise him when he's doing this.

Guys, especially teenaged guys, are like puppies in that we will do anything as long as we're being told what good boys we are and how much you like what we're doing and how strong and smart we are. Once he's used to all the positive feedback, you can back off a little bit from it to let him try to figure out how to get that same response, and when you give it to him again, he'll redouble his efforts to hear it again. It will take a little more time, but by training him with this positive reinforcement, he'll do whatever it is you want because he'll want to see you smile and hear the praise and admiration in your voice.

By the way, this isn't even remotely supposed to sound like I'm being condescending toward men. It's simply true that, in general, we appreciate being praised and will go to extraordinary lengths to be seen as useful and very able to satisfy our partners.

[elanor-g.livejournal.com]

Thankyou, Reading your reply all I can see is my bf down between my legs with a magnifying glass and me holding a leash, I know it sounds stupid but I know what you're saying :D

[daddysaysto.livejournal.com]

*snickering* Well, I dunno about the magnifying glass, but the leash sounds like fun!

But hey, if your guy is into magnifying glasses, go for it! *giggling*

That's okay, when I was writing it I kept seeing little stickers that said "Hello! My name is Labia Majora" "Hello! My name is Urinary Tract"

[miss-heni.livejournal.com]

As for BC - yeah it's free on the NHS, just make sure that when you get your prescription the doctor clarifies (by writing or drawing the 'woman' symbol on it) that it's for contraceptive purposes. Otherwise, costs normal prescription costs (£6-odd) unless you're under 18 and in full-time education or a uni student with a magical special form... hmm yeah I know a lot about UK prescriptions ;)

aaannnd also I don't like performa condoms and neither does my boy. We use featherlite which he says feel best, and it's all good.

[elanor-g.livejournal.com]

Thanks for all your replies, it is slowly getting better tho, its a learning curve for both of us atm.

Thats again you guys have been great

[abitofanenigma.livejournal.com]

BC is free from the GP, although it may be worthwhile to find a family planning clinic in your area to visit. Because they deal with BC specifically I find it's much less awkward than the doctor (though the doctor isn't all that awkward, I just find it takes more time).

Also, here in Scotland at least we have the 'C' Card, or condom card. You can apply for them at various locations and it means you can walk into designated chemists and pick up a bag for free, rather than having to trek out to your FP clinic or GP and make an appointment. I'm sure they have the same kind of thing in England too.

[abitofanenigma.livejournal.com]

Oh, and on the performa thing, my boyfriend and I used them (they were the regular brand at our student clinic, I wonder what they're trying to say about students?) My boyfriend hated them, they contain a mild anaesthetic to numb the head of the penis to make the guy last longer, which he didn't like, also the width of the condom is slightly narrower than the regular durex (52mm as opposed to..I can't remember) and he found them too tight around the penile shaft.

One you get a hold of free condoms, you usually have a few varieties to choose from so maybe take a variety and try them out.