Anonymous Post - Difficulty in Vaginal Penetration

[free-me07.livejournal.com]

Hi! As you probably know, from time to time the VP Team makes posts on behalf of people who wish to remain anonymous or who do not have LJ accounts. This is one such post. Thanks in advance for your helpful comments!

P.S. For more info on anonymous posts, see this link.

Lissie
For the VP Team
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I have a load of vagina problems all of which come down to the fact that I cannot insert anything into my vagina - so no tampons, no PIV sex. I tried getting an annual exam twice and both times no luck. The doctor told me to return after I had sex - advice that initially depressed me but now just makes me angry. I need help on two things:

1. I have tried to insert very thin vibes and a single condom covered finger with lots of Astroglide but no luck. I also tried this during my period when I would be more lubricated but it did not work. I feel like my vagina has this small opening like between the couch cushions but no 'hole' as such. I am very frustrated with this and am considering that I have a thick hymen for some reason. I tried to look using a mirror and a flashlight but just see a small triangular indentation but no vaginal opening.

2. I have an appointment to see a new doctor. I am worried that I will not be able to tell the doctor what my problem is and that she will end up thinking that I just need to 'relax more'.

Is there any specific language I should use when I speak with the doctor? Is there some drug they can give me to help me relax? And, can I ask about my hymen. My ex-doc would never answer any of my questions about my hymen, and I felt too humiliated to press. I somehow felt that she was judging me because of my abstinent upbringing (which was due to not being able to manage PIV sex and not religious
reasons/upbringing)

Comments

[shortpixy.livejournal.com]

I was in a similar situation, and when I went to a new doctor, I was told to explain the problems I've had in the past, and ask her to use the smallest possible speculum. That seemed to helped.

I also used meditation during the exam, to completely relax my body, which also seemed to help.

[sonnetxxix.livejournal.com]

Maybe try talking to her while you are clothed and feel more comfortable and tell her all of the above. Then, when she's ready to do the exam, take off your clothes and just let her examine you. That way, you won't have to do much talking or try to remember the things you want to say when you are uncomfortable. Maybe just doing something like that will work.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Maybe if you're nervous about communicating clearly with the doctor, you could write down your concerns, and just give them to her to read. That way you won't get embarrassed and not mention something that you'd been wanting to mention. Making a list for yourself to reference might also be useful.

[fuzzipoo.livejournal.com]

I was going to say just that. Write everything down! It's a lifesaver when you get nervous as soon as the doc walks into the room...

[archangelbeth]

1. If you're not inserting something, your vagina isn't, well, a rigid opening like into a bottle. The interior walls will squish together. So that indentation is probably the opening. Which doesn't mean that it might not be a very small opening!

2. I would start out expressing interest in a hymenotomy [essentially, surgical breaking of the hymen] -- at the very least, that's a nice, large, medical word which can get you started asking about such things. I would also suggest saying that your previous doctor would not discuss this matter with you, and that's a reason why you're not with that doctor anymore, if you don't get a good response from the first.

(Please don't feel humiliated. It's not your fault! I think it's very irresponsible of a doctor not to talk about parts of your body with you! If this one doesn't, either, trying to find another one might be a good idea -- but I hope this one will be more responsible and helpful.)

One way to get started is also to link your question to one of the answers to the standard doctor questions, such as, "How are you doing?" You can say, "Overall, okay, but I am really interested in a hymenotomy. I'd like to be able to try tampons some day." (Or something like that.)

Other tactics that might make it easier to discuss the matter could be writing it down ahead of time -- condense it into something that you can read in a few seconds, say. Then you have your script if your mind goes blank (as mine very well might at times!), and if you bring it along, you can even hand it to the doctor and say that you feel very shy about asking this, but the problem is one that concerns you greatly.

As for relaxation... I think some people take a bit of ibuprofen before going in.

Good luck! I hope that some of that helps.

[ahmadinejadftw.livejournal.com]

There's no reason why your doctor shouldn't be able to answer your questions. This is obviously a problem and she should be able to help. Worst case scenario, I know some women actually have an operation to remove the hymen if it's too thick to naturally be stretched/broken/torn/removed/whatever word you want to use.

Write down what you want to say/ask if you think you might get too nervous/embarrassed to ask when you get there. And try to remember you're not the only one who's had this problem so there's no real reason why you should be embarrassed.

Good luck.

[pinkdramon.livejournal.com]

The language you can drop to see if your gyno knows what they're doing, includes but is not limited to vaginismus, if your snatch is spasming out and preventing insertion, or vulvodynia, if it just plain hurts way too much. Both conditions are treatable. Might need physical therapy, or dilators, or medication.

It's entirely possible to have a thick hymen. You've gotten periods before, right? It sounds like you have. Because if you've gotten periods before then I would expect that you do have complete or pretty much complete ovaries, uterus, cervix, and vagina. So in that case it would be there - just in need of some help.

[in-a-safety-net.livejournal.com]

I don't think that a gynecologist would be the person in charge of administering that kind of medication... tranquilizers, or anti-anxiety medication.

[kaelstra.livejournal.com]

All doctors should be capable of prescribing drugs. My general practitioner prescribed me Xanax as a "mood lightener" so I could get through a mole removal, because I get that anxious about surgery to the point I can't breath and I start crying uncontrollably. The Xanax fixes that and makes me not at all scared or nervous.

[laurensellscorn.livejournal.com]

You are paying a medical professional to find out what's wrong with you; you aren't there to be judged or have your concerns shrugged aside. If people will complain to a waitress earning minimum wage about the way the food they paid for turned out, why is demanding service of a highly-paid professional less common? Going in with this mindset helps a lot!

In addition to the excellent suggestions above (using a list is very helpful) you might ask to have a nurse in the room with you, especially during the exam. It can feel easier to have someone by your side so it doesn't feel so one-on-one, and is the best substitute to bringing a trusted friend/family member with you.

I had hell getting diagnosed. Trust me, I got all the relaxation lines, all the "it's all in your head"'s, was made to feel like utter crap. If your doctor proves incompetent despite your best efforts, leave after asking for your payment back in the front office if you had to pay in advance. If they refuse, ask how to lodge a complaint to the doctor's superior.

Then get on the phone and call around to any doctor covered by your insurance, and ask the doctor or nurse how many women with chronic vulva pain they see (use terms like vulvodynia, vestibulitis, vaginismus to test to see if they know what they're talking about) and do not make an appointment unless you're convinced they can help you. You don't deserve any more wasted time or money, not to mention disappointment!

I'm hoping for the best for you. Wish you could update us, but I understand why you want to stay anonymous.

[cheshirepurr.livejournal.com]

I had the same problem. I thought it was just an issue with relaxation, but no matter what I tried, nothing seemed ot work. After going to three different doctors, they determined that I had a microperforate (tiny opening) and septate (divided by a band of tissue) hymen. I eventually had all the stubborn bits surgically removed.

If you feel like your docs are judging you or not answering your questions, look into a visiting a new one. As OB/GYNs, they've pretty much seen it all in the way of genitals, so don't feel embarrassed to bring up anything you may have on your mind.

Hope everything goes well.