Howdy, VPers! As you probably know, from time to time the VP Team makes posts on behalf of people who wish to remain anonymous or who do not have LJ accounts. This is one such post. Thanks in advance for your helpful comments!
P.S. For more info on anonymous posts, see
this link.
For the
VP Team
contact_vp
Hello everyone, I'm in a bind.
Recently I had sex with my boyfriend, who I have been with for four years. We're both in our early 20's and I am in school and he is about to start taking classes and has just left his former job to go back home and help his mom out. Our relationship is great.
My mind however, is not.
You see, I suffer from anxiety disorder and I am going out of my mind with worry. We had sex, we used a condom, condom didn't break, he didn't ejaculate and no problems during withdrawal. I ended up actually starting my period the day I lost my virginity (yes, I was able to tell the difference between virginity blood loss and my period) and while on my period, continue to have sex WITH a condom. Only on one occasion when we had sex did he actually ejaculate and he pulled out way before he did (WITH A CONDOM ON. I don't want anyone to think "no condom" when I say "he pulled out").
We only had sex about three times after my period ended which was a span of four days.
Now I am freaking out that I might be pregnant, and of course this can make things very dramatic. Again, we used a condom, there were no visible tears or leaks, and most importantly there was no ejaculation and when there was, a condom was still present but withdrawn properly before semen came out into the condom. Any pre-cum he had coming out was caught by the condom. If he put the condom on the wrong way in his haste, I'd make him put on a brand new condom and made sure he put it on the right way. I checked for air bubbles, during sex I made sure the condom stayed in place, if it was sliding down I asked him to pull it back up. As soon as the lube ran out and things got a little too dry I'd ask him to stop in fear the tension would destroy the condom and also because rubber in my vagina doesn't feel quiet so pleasant during thrusts. We didn't use any spermicide because I heard the ingredient non-oxynol9 agitated some women's vaginas.
I freaked got a pregnancy test and it was negative. However, this was right after my period. Week later, I was convinced that I was feeling pregnancy symptoms, took another pregnancy test and it was negative. My period though, still isn't due till the week after next BUT I figured that if it was two weeks after I had done it the first time and I was pregnant since then, that it would show up positive. I thought I felt symptoms but they all turned out to be something else (sinuses, heavy lifting load, imagined nausea)My boobs are fantastic no swelling or tenderness or anything like that, and I've been running to the bathroom at school checking practically every hour on the hour.
But I still worry I'm pregnant. Even though I was super careful, there was no ejaculation in or around my vagina, nor pre-cum, and the condom stayed intact during sex as far as we both noticed. I read over the facts that condoms are 86% effective for typical use, 98% perfect use which perfect use is what I used. But I hear stories about people still getting knocked up from using the condom perfectly, no ejaculation what so ever, and no tears or holes in the condom. How DOES THAT HAPPEN?!
I'm afraid of being pregnant because I don't want to have to tell my parents that I am and get into some serious trouble with them. I still live with them for school purposes, but they're kind of hoping I'm the first person in the family to go onto to college and finish it on time. We've talked many times before what would happen if I was pregnant, and while my dad has said he'd make me get an abortion my mom said if I were to keep the child that's my call but I'd have to get out. I know if I got an abortion I could never really live with myself out of guilt, and one day I do hope to give my boyfriend children...I'd just like to be married and out of college first. Plus he's just starting college and I don't want to derail him.
So my main questions are (for the short version):
- I was very safe with the condoms, but could I still be pregnant even if there was no ejaculation, the condom was on the entire time, and the one time there was ejaculation it was dispersed in a condom after pulling out.
- 98% perfect use, condoms are effective (which is what I used and then some), the 2% is human error unreported and breaks/leaks, right?
- While I've been advised to get counseling, I can't at this very moment, is there a temporary way to deal with my anxiety issues?
-If by some chance I am pregnant out of all of this, how do I tell my parents and how easy would it be to raise a child and still continue college?
I am having my first ever Well Woman's exam, so I plan to bog the doctor down with tons of questions. As for how the boyfriend is handling this, he's used to my anxiety flaring up. He's trying to do the best that he can in easing my fears. He's a great boyfriend , and has said that I'm not pregnant but if there was a chance that I were, he'd do everything in his power to help me out.
The last time I had sex with the boyfriend was March 17th in case that makes a difference.