MMMMonday double feature! Street Harassment

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

Hello, Superstars!

It's MMMMonday, and this is the second of two special posts we have for you today. (See the previous post to the community for the first, a special guest post by Morgan of A Trip To The Morg, or follow this link!)

This week we're thinking about street harassment. Have you experienced it? Do you have ideas about how to challenge it?

As Ms. Magazine notes, "Sharing stories to raise awareness is what the upcoming International Anti-Street Harassment Week is all about. Street harassment can only begin to be curbed after more people are aware, first, that it happens; second, that it happens a lot; third, that it happens to most women and girls and many men in the [LGBT+] community; and fourth, that when it happens, it has a negative impact on the harassed people’s lives." We think it also has a negative impact on our communities.

In that spirit, from March 18-24, over 100 groups in various countries will work to call attention to this global problem. Some things folks might be doing are: hashtags, radio campaigns, street theater, protests, arranging sharing circles, speaking out in public, and more. Participants can choose whatever approach they think will be most effective for them and their communities.

Please feel free to share your stories about street harassment. Has it happened to you or anyone you know? Do you know people who do it? Do you have general thoughts about it? Are you participating in any local events to challenge it? Or do you have ideas on how to combat it in the future? We'd love to hear your thoughts and get a conversation going--words are powerful and so are you!

mangofandango
For the VP Team
[Bad username or site: @ livejournal.com]

Comments

[io2012.livejournal.com]

I'm a runner, and street harassment is one of my pet peeves. If it is hot, humid, and I'm running for any distance, it only makes sense for me to wear shorts and a tank top. That is the gear appropriate for my sport, and it is very similar to what male runners wear. And yet I know that I will get cat called if I'm running through an urban (or sometimes rural!) area.

I am not "asking for it" by wearing my running clothes, nor do I find it flattering that someone will verbally express their sexual attraction to me via a "Hey baby!"

It makes me grateful for the wintertime when I am so bundled up for my runs that it might be difficult to recognize my female-ness, much less my sexual attractiveness!

[pinkmath.livejournal.com]

I get "cat called" at stop signs and red lights. *sigh* I don't have AC in my car so I don't want to boil by rolling up the windows.

Soo... at every stop sign and red light. I pick my nose.

Apparently it's very unattractive. But now I worry potential employers will see me pick my nose before interviewing with them.

[goldfoil.livejournal.com]

*snrk* good tactic:P

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

i've been fat-shamed most of my life...even when my weight was 115. ok, i get it. yes, i own a mirror, and i know what i look like. (my bathroom in my new home? HUGE mirror over the sink, two closets with sliding mirrored doors. trust me, i know what i look like with or without clothing.)

it hurts. its just plain despicable to call out rude/unkind/hatefilled comments to someone doing nothing more than oh, say, BREATHING. i've lived in places that i couldnt walk to the end of the driveway to check my mail without hearing this sort of mess, and i hate it for anyone.

whether its catcalls or hate filled spew, its all still wrong.

[bludwyn.livejournal.com]

I know how that goes :[
I was anorexic and still had people fat-shaming me at 80 pounds. It doesn't matter what weight you're at, it's a horribly easy go-to insult.

[cellar-closet.livejournal.com]

I have large breasts, and that in and of itself attracts a lot of obnoxious attention - from both men and women. Men think it's okay to gawk, call at me, or make suggestive comments. I remember being followed by a guy who actually (yelling) asked me if he could hold my breasts. Some women snicker, scowl at me, or generally act like I should feel horrible for existing because of the way my body looks. Some have even made me feel physically threatened because they thought it was MY fault that their male partners were staring at my boobs. I've also had to deal with people (both men and women) debating over whether my breasts were real or not.

Sometimes I ignore it, other times I've actually flipped people off, or laughed at them and told them to go to hell. It seems to be worse at places that have a lot of male customers - places like hardware stores or home improvement stores. Sometimes I even have to think twice about what I wear when I go to those places, or I avoid them all together if I'm not feeling up to it.

I try to educate my friends about it, and tell them that a lot of people don't appreciate being gawked at, followed, and cat called. That it can even make people feel unsafe and threatened. Mostly, I've seen good results and most of my friends don't do that (at least while I'm there.)

Overall, I think it's very difficult thing to combat. If I'm in the mood I make it clear that it's not amusing, wanted, or appreciated, but it seems like there's always another group of people the next day doing the exact same thing.

[vitrolic.livejournal.com]

This. Oh THIS.

I remember *mumble* years ago going to my junior prom and having *adult* people out on the street gesturing at my chest, acting as if I had over-stuffed my bra or that my natural breasts were too obscene to have in a very modestly cut dress. I've had guys follow me too and I too have been stared down by women who think because I'm large-chested and in public that I must be after every man in sight... because large-chested women are all like that, dontchaknow? Excuse me but my tits aren't public property and neither is the rest of my body and I'm tired of hearing the running commentary on it because I have the gall to be big-chested and in public and wearing comfortable clothing.

It's hard to deal with because people are relentless and they feel it's their god-given right to be critical of a person's body because bodies, especially female-presenting bodies seem to be public property.

[cellar-closet.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry that you have to go through this, too.

You're right, some act like people with large breasts are somehow unfit to be seen in public, and if we do DARE to go out in public, we'd better be wearing trash bags that hide our bodies. :/

[argyle-skull.livejournal.com]

Sorry for deleting the other post. I just meant to reply to another comment!

[fun-tabulous.livejournal.com]

I was just thinking about this subject today. I get harassed nearly every time I go out (in the summer, anyway). I just ignore it, walk on by, and get called a bitch or something similar for doing so.

Something happened to me recently. I was walking through a parking lot and a guy stops to talk to me. I say I have to go and he keeps driving beside me pestering me. He just wont let it go. Says he wants to introduce himself. He's trying to act all smooth but it's so laughably cheesy. Says I am gorgeous and must tire of the attention. I say, I really must be going. He insists on taking me out. I say that I have a boyfriend, thanks anyway. Walk away fast. He drives away REALLY slowly.

Later that week I am in a completely different parking lot in another area of town, and I see him again! He uses the same cheesy line, not knowing it's me. I say that he's used that before. He says we must be destined in the stars to meet again. I say, yeah sure. I say I have a boyfriend, this isn't going anywhere. He says if we meet again its fate, and we will have to go out then. I say, well I guess we'll see? I have to go now. I leave.

I can't stand situations like this, they make me extremely anxious, as I have social anxiety to begin with. I was trying to be nice, but then I feel that maybe he might get the idea that I am being coy. I don't know what to say without getting him mad? But then I wonder, who cares if he gets mad and says something nasty? Why should I care? But it will upset me, and I know it, and I hate that.

I get a lot of the yells and whatever else too. They really make me anxious. It makes me wish I never went out. I don't feel safe when it happens. I feel vulnerable. I can't stand it and I wish I could make it stop but I don't know how. I try not to wear clothing that shows my body anymore, but in the summer, I have to. I often don't even go out that much in the summer anymore.

It makes me so mad that I am controlled by this!

[aeryn.livejournal.com]

I don't think I would have been able to control myself from screaming "get the f*ck away from me!" and actually kicking his car repeatedly. Especially if it happened TWICE and he wouldn't LEAVE. When I reach my boiling point, I explode.

[fun-tabulous.livejournal.com]

I'm really glad I'm not the only one who hates this. Sometimes (well, okay, a lot) I feel that there is something wrong with me for not enjoying the attention. I feel like normal girls like this sort of thing. My perception is very likely warped, but still, for some reason that's how I feel.

[archangelbeth]

If one is going out with the deliberate intent to "turn heads" and/or "make an impression," then sure, attention is what's wanted! And it's okay for people to want to do that.

But it's also okay to want to not have people do more than notice, and maybe smile.

And it's okay to want people to keep their stares to themselves, let alone their comments or attempts to engage one in conversation as if of course physical attributes are the same as seeking attention. Or, worse, as if of course physical appearance means you're in the supermarket display, to be bought or left behind at whim. O:p

And even more, it's perfectly okay to sometimes want attention, and sometimes want discreet attention, and sometimes want no attention at all!

Please, try not to feel like there's anything wrong with you?

[argyle-skull.livejournal.com]

That is infuriating!!

I feel the same way about going out. I get super anxious. I have gotten to the point where I walk around with a constant scowl on face in an attempt to deter anyone from trying to talk to me for any reason. It is kind of sad but at the same time I feel like I have no other option if I want to leave my home.

[fun-tabulous.livejournal.com]

I don't blame you at all. I've done that, and then guess what? A million men tell me to "smile". Now THAT infuriates me!!

[argyle-skull.livejournal.com]

Hahaha! I hate that!

[aeryn.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I don't know what to do. Sometimes I just want to just ignore it even if they pester me, and other times I want to stand up for myself a pitch a bitch fit. However, I am a petite white female and I would likely be met with "oohhhh look she thinks she's tough!" and I'd likely get into more trouble.

Hell, I politely went up to an SUV that was stopped behind my car in a parking lot and asked them to please move so I could get out, and the two guys inside just laughed and said "ohh, excuuuuse me MISS". When did being a courteous human being go out the window??? I'm just asking you to please MOVE.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Forgive the extraneous (a little) blog link (http://anytimeyoga.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/overreacting/) [note: talk of harassment and victim blaming] but what gets me the most about incidents of harassment are when people -- whether bystanders or people I've told afterward -- have minimized my reaction. Sometimes I get told I'm overreacting, as if my response didn't match the situation at hand (usually from folks who weren't there). Other times, it's treated as amusing (more often from folks who were there). Either way, because of the number of times I've dealt with this, I feel comfortable saying: Street harassment is not something cute, amusing, or little.

[sabishii-kirito.livejournal.com]

Possibly triggering? Public masturbation mentioned.

My worst experience was the last day I was doing study abroad in Japan. I was wearing a pair of capris and a t-shirt, but apparently having a fitted t-shirt was just too revealing for one guy :-/

He pulled up next to me in his car (I was on my bike). He asked for directions to the hospital. I didn't know where exactly it was, so I just gave him a general direction and said I can't give specifics.

He started shaking, so I started to get worried that he was having a seizure or something. And then he said something. I couldn't quite hear it, so I asked him to repeat it.

"Your boobs are big."

And then I realized that he was masturbating at me.


I rode away in the opposite direction as fast as I could and just stood at a major intersection crying for like twenty minutes. Japan is usually a very safe country, so I didn't expect that to happen at all. I know it's not my fault that it happened, but it still shows you that you can never be too cautious, especially when in a foreign country.

Even after going home, I didn't feel safe by myself for the longest time. Even though the guy didn't come after me physically, it was still a very upsetting situation for me, and I didn't get over it for a long time.

[sabishii-kirito.livejournal.com]

Oh, forgot to mention.

I went to the police to report it. All I was told was that the area it happened in is known for perverts (which led me to believe that they weren't going to do anything to catch whoever has been doing it).

I told the cop what the guy said, and after that the cop would not stop looking at my boobs. Seriously frustrating. Especially since I never got that sort of attention in America--I'm on the smaller side there, but in Japan? I guess I'm pretty large. Culture shock of its own right there.

[buttcrackderby.livejournal.com]

Good god. I'm pretty accustomed to seeing naked hey touching themselves while running through park close to where I work in Tokyo but never something really direct like what you experienced.

Where were you living in Japan?

Just last night I got on a mega crowded train and I was wearing a skirt. The train was so crowded I got shoved in front of a guy sitting down (totally normal so far) and couldn't budge anywhere else. This guy starts to pretend he's falling asleep, throws himself forward in his seat, doubles over, all the while feigning exhaustion, then starts trying to look up my skirt with his head practically between my legs. I was horrified so I pulled out my ipod touch and told him "I am going to film you, then show it to the police at the next stop." Luckily he leaned right back up into his seat. But FFS people...

[sabishii-kirito.livejournal.com]

D: Holy crap, that is so... jalkdfjal. I don't know if I could have handled it that well.

I was living in Tsukuba at the time.

[goldfoil.livejournal.com]

on the same topic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5P4eVjwVd_U&feature=share

[goldfoil.livejournal.com]

hmm i hope people assume good faith with me posting this, i just thought it was a fun video. It was sad to me how much i appreciated these men publically objecting to sexual harrassement.

[lupinelullaby.livejournal.com]

I have extreme social anxiety and am grateful that I've never experienced any form of street harassment...

But there is a part of me that wonders what is wrong with me. I feel like I'm completely invisible most of the time. I wonder how unattractive I must be to have never gotten even the tiniest bit of attention. And then I feel guilty for having those thoughts... it is incredibly heartbreaking to think that a part of my mind judges my attractiveness on how much harassment I've experienced.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

It is heartbreaking! But it doesn't reflect on you at all. All of those feelings are a product of rape culture.

Our culture is always telling us that our sexual attractiveness is super important at all times and that being sexually objectified is always desirable. You may know better intellectually, as many of us do, but emotionally...that split between what you know and what our culture is saying very loudly and constantly can be a difficult burden to bear. It's confusing.

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

I think the prevalence depends partially on the area of a city, or even the region. In all my years in Seattle and Portland (OR), I only recall a handful of street harassment incidents--and most of them were in Seattle. Not that PDX is this holy land where nobody gets harassed; I just apparently haven't been in the "right" place at the "right" time. Alternatively, I just haven't noticed it when it's happened!

It has nothing to do with attractiveness, and everything to do with the attitude of the harasser.

[misspaigeb.livejournal.com]

Whenever I'm street harassed I usually challenge it with my middle finger, a loud "fuck you" or "fuck off." Mostly because I've never actually been in a situation where I felt threatened by the harasser, they were far enough away from me/in a car or something that I didn't feel like I'd be putting myself in danger by doing so. But every time I've done that, the men always seem so taken aback. Like, Jeeze What'd I do!? Like they aren't even aware that it could ever possibly be offensive. I even remember being 15, walking to the pool near my house with friends and being cat called from a car. I yelled "Yeah, fuck you!" or something and the guys were like o_o they couldn't believe it. Haha. But I also live in an extremely conservative, mostly white small-ish midwestern city. I'm sure reactions to that would be different in other parts of the world.

I know Sex and the City isn't exactly a feminist's treasure trove but there is a scene where one character keeps getting street harassed in NYC by these construction workers. Finally one day when they say something to her, she's like "Ok! Yeah! You think I'm hot? Come get it!" And all of the guys are like woah lady I'm married, chill out, and act all embarrassed.

In general, I think when street harassers get any kind of response it sort of catches them off guard. They're treating the women they harass like objects, so it's not surprising they don't expect them to respond.

[sullenduchess.livejournal.com]

I actually wrote a post about this on Sunday prompted by what happened on Saturday night: http://thepuppydog26.tumblr.com/post/19523284968/to-those-about-to-harass

Basically, my friend and I were walking on the sidewalk (around 10 PM), going to check out my favourite pub in town, see if it was too busy considering it was St Patrick's day... Anyway, on the way, there were some guys hanging out on the sidewalk, likely just out of high school age. I was already pretty anxious about having to go through their group but assured myself it would be fine... And then was met with a barrage of "ohhh fine women, lookin for a good time, ladies ladies ladies". And that's where I lost my cool and told them "you ever see me again, you do not fucking talk to me like that, you should never fucking talk to ANYONE like that, you fucking assholes". And then we turned around to go back home because I had NO interest in being out anywhere. Oh, and they shouted out calling us bitches and uptight and all sorts of crap like that for a solid couple hundred metres after we turned around. Ugh. I'm feeling better about it now but honestly for the next day I was just scared to go out. I felt so vulnerable. This week was just a bad week for this kind of stuff...I swear every time I was outside after dark (I'm talking like 7:00pm) I had some guy calling out from his car or harassing me on the sidewalk...and now that the weather's hot it's even worse, because I don't feel comfortable to wear clothes that might be more weather-appropriate, since I'm worried if I wear a skirt or shorts it'll just make the harrassment worse. And it shouldn't be that way! Ugh.

[brytewolf.livejournal.com]

Kinda the opposite, but still relevant to the conversation. I was running some errands in Wal-mart last summer, and two guys walked past me - one of them leaned over and kept repeating to me "boy shorts, boy shorts, boy shorts".

I was wearing a pair of comfortable, baggy shorts that hang to my knees. Apparently, because I'm female, I'm required to wear tight exposing shorts that leave nothing to the imagination, and this man felt it was his responsibility to tell me so.

I'm a white girl with a booty, and I will never, ever wear anything that brings more attention to it than necessary. It's bad enough that when I'm in raggedy clothes, my hair a mess, no makeup on, and pumping gas and I get asked out by random men who don't even know my NAME, have talked to me for a total of 5 seconds, and are twice my age.