How to get over nerves about receiving oral sex?

[onlygoodbook.livejournal.com]

I've been with my partner (cis-male, I'm cis-female) for almost a year and we have a wonderful relationship and active sex life... and I still can't get over my nerves about oral sex to actually let him go down on me, though he is eager to do so. I love going down on him and so I can imagine that he would earnestly look forward to returning the favor, but I just can't imagine that it won't be a turn off for him. One of my concerns is that I've NEVER had an orgasm. Oral sex is kind of the last frontier. Both PIV sex and being touched by my partner can both feel great, but intense approaching-an-orgasm feelings come and go pretty quickly, dissipating after a few seconds. If oral sex doesn't do it for me either, I am a bit worried that my partner (and I!) will be disappointed. How can I work on my own feelings toward this so that I can relax? I've been sexually active for five years (I'm 23) and I'm starting to feel like there's something wrong with my body. No one is making me feel this way - every sexual partner I've had has been understanding and not taken my inability to orgasm as some kind of deficiency or personal insult, so this is coming from me.

I don't feel insecure or unsure about sex and I have a healthy body image, except for these few square centimeters in this one very particular situation! :-/

EDITED TO ADD: Aiming at orgasm isn't at all the object of sex for me. My partner and I have a great sex life, I think, and I am always happy to be intimate with him. I don't think about reaching orgasm, just enjoying the experience.

Thanks!

Comments

[onlygoodbook.livejournal.com]

Hey, thanks for writing :-)

It may be that I can't see my partner's face while he's doing it and I can't hear him saying anything, so in the absence of that feedback I tend to freak out. I think my upper body also feels kinda lonely, maybe? I'm not sure. But yeah. I feel really, really sympathetic.

Yes, this! That's definitely a big piece of it.

I've never been able to orgasm on my own, so that's one hurdle for me. I know what feels good, but anything that feels good dissipates in seconds so I am barely on the edge, much less over it.