sex after baby?

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

Hello vulva-loving superstars.

I gave birth two months ago. I did everything I was supposed to by way of pelvic-floor toning but when push came to shove and my 20-hour home birth was nearly over, I pushed my baby out so hard and so fast that I tore. The midwives and I decided not to place any stitches and just let it heal on its own. The tear itself is really only about an inch and a half long, and it's pretty jagged. Now, everything is healed up and to my knowledge, everything is fully functional. However, I am terrified of having sex again. Don't get me wrong- I want to, badly. It's just that the scar tissue from the tear makes the tissues feel so firm, like they have absolutely no give anymore and I'm scared of the logistics. Prior to babyage, I had some pain when having sex with my husband because there's also a bit of a size issue there.

How does one get over this? How does one function normally sexually again? Can anyone relate to this?

TIA.

(PS- I checked the history and I couldn't find anything like this. If there is something I missed, please link me and I'll read away)

Comments

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

I see a midwife.

I have an appointment tomorrow, actually. I'm planning on asking her what she thinks about it- and if she thinks it's normal. Other people I know who have given birth have said that what I describe is typical, and many have resumed sexual activity before their 6-week (in my case 8-week) check-up.

[ellie-desu.livejournal.com]

Just out of curiosity, why do you only see a midwife?

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

I believe there is a finite link between midwifery and feminism, and being a woman I try to keep myself in a feminist/pro-woman frame of mind as much as possible. Midwifery is (in my opinion) the longest-standing form of female-to-female care. I feel that midwives empower women to learn about their bodies and appreciate their function more than the gynecological field which (again, in my opinion) is based on a patriarchal medical system which seeks to supersede women's knowledge and perpetuate fear and mistrust in femininity.

I'm strange. Don't mind me. If you're interested in reading more about the link between feminism and midwifery, try google-searching both terms together- you'll find a host of knowledge and opinions about it.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

PS- the aforementioned beliefs are part of the reason why I'm freaked out by the tear thing. I don't do well with fear.

[ellie-desu.livejournal.com]

I'm all for midwifery and feminism, but not even annual exams? Then again, my idea of an annual is just to have a doc test me for cancer (and STDs if they insist), make sure the plumbing is in order, and refill my HBC prescription. I also had a golf ball sized cyst removed from by my cervix, so I kind of had to go in and get it removed surgically.

What I learn about my body and sex I've learned from places like this and from other women.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

I do annual exams with a midwife. If the midwife detects a problem that is out of her specialty (ie: normal women's health issues) then I'd go to an OB/GYN.

[jennifer0246.livejournal.com]

primary care doctors, nurse practitioners, midwives, and gynecologists can all perform "annual exams", whatever that means for you and your health (breast exam, pap smear, STI testing, contraception, prenatal or preconceptual counseling, etc).

[classical-wolf.livejournal.com]

So, when I'm on my own (21 now, in college), I could choose a midwife instead of an ob/gyn from everything from annual exams --> birth and even after that? So I'd never have to see a gyno again (not that I'm against it, but I am learning lots about midwives from this post) unless something was out of the midwife's ability (a serious complication, cyst, whatnot)?

[geminigirl]

If you've got health insurance, you would need to see what the parameters of your health insurance are, but effectively, yes, a midwife could take care of all of your well woman care, for example. I use an OB/GYN for pregnancy and for managing PCOS because I'm high risk, but for well woman stuff, and for things like a yeast infection I see midwives, NPs or PAs who work in the same office as my obstetrician.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

Most midwives are "overseen" by an OB/GYN (this happens to piss me off greatly...) but many insurance companies cover midwives just as they cover doctors. Midwives deal with all but the most serious of issues and I find them to be more personable than doctors. Since midwives are trained experts in normal women's issues, they're able to identify issues if they exist but (especially with pregnancy/childbirth) tend to be less clinical and more laid back than their MD counterparts. Having a midwife does not necessarily mean that you're going to suddenly jump into homeopathy or home birth- but it does mean that you're willing to save the other first profession of women. :)

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

And just to add to this, you'll find some midwives who are more "doctory" and some doctors who are more "midwifey." It really does depend, but yes: all these well woman care items can be performed by a variety of folks. :)

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

I like to call those medwives. I've found a lot of them are CNMs.

[oboegoddess.livejournal.com]

I've never been pregnant, but it's perfectly normal to get exams from a nurse midwife (usually supervised by a gyno I think). My last exam was by a midwife, mostly because I could see her sooner than the doctor at the office and I was like, hey, cool, I'd like to see a midwife!

She was very knowledgeable and I actually felt like she treated my problems better and more thoroughly than gynos I've seen in the past.

[ellie-desu.livejournal.com]

I saw a NP for my first two annuals, but then needed a doctor for my third one because of the d00m cyst.

[elettaria.livejournal.com]

It's arguable whether annual exams are actually necessary. They appear to be the norm in the US, from what I've read here. They're not the norm in the UK. I suspect there's a lot of unnecessary medicating and treatment in the US because the healthcare system there is money-led, and I haven't heard that British women are having trouble because they're having gynae exams on an as-needed basis rather than every year.

[ellie-desu.livejournal.com]

The over medicating thing is a given, but I think it's a good thing to have a doc check over the girly bits and run a pap test. I've never had them randomly give me a medication of do unnecessary procedures (except Planned Parnethood did an STD test when I told them it wasn't needed, but I think that may be a standard policy to run it, and my surgery was waaaay necessary). Annuals, at least for me (and I think it may be what you make of it) are just simple check ups and prescription refills.

At least where I am you have to go back every 12 months to get your HBC prescription renewed.

[poppleshatesyou.livejournal.com]

It's not that strange, midwives are great! (well the majority of them that i have met at least)

Also, many midwives do well women exams that include pap smears and things.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

Mine does!

[darlingmiette.livejournal.com]

You're not strange! This link and reasons you mention, I'm sure, are big reasons why many women choose midwifery care and homebirth in the first place, I certainly did.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

I randomly checked your journal and found that you're pregnant. Is it your first? If so, please please please do not let the contents of my post put any inkling of fear or doubt in your head. Natural childbirth was 100% amazing and even with the tear, I never, ever would willingly do anything to the contrary!

[darlingmiette.livejournal.com]

Yes, it is our first baby :)
And don't worry, I wasn't put off by your post at all.

I am very confident and secure in my decision - I look forward to this birth so wholeheartedly, I don't think I've ever been so excited about anything before. And I've never imagined my birth any other way than at home and naturally.

Anyway, in regards to your post: I would rather risk a tear at home surrounded by loving, honest people than have an unnecessary episiotomy and 39084309 stitches in a hospital.

[advaya.livejournal.com]

Because midwives rock. duh :)

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

Totally

[lovey-dorlaque.livejournal.com]

Pregnancy isn't a disease and the common medical profession tends to treat it as such. Midwives simply assist in the birth process because the body does all of the work with or without modern medicine.

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

Right. <3 midwives

[storychick.livejournal.com]

Why see a surgeon for a general health check? :)

Also, my midwife spends way more time with me, and actually cares about my mental health as well as my physical health.

Why NOT see a midwife? :)

[ever-abstract.livejournal.com]

See, this is how I see it as well. I guess a lot of people aren't used to the concept.

[habibekindheart.livejournal.com]

I went through the same thing with my last one, and eventually the scar tissue softened up without me having to do a thing. My son is 5 months old and I haven't worried in about it in at least a month.

I understand the 'size issue', we didn't have problems with the scar tissue.