Condom came off, should I get tested for STI's?

[earthquake-girl.livejournal.com]

So this is so embarrassing and I don't know who to talk to. I had sex with my B/F last weekend for the first time, after 10 months of dating. We used a condom. It seemed like he had problems staying erect though. I am not 100% certain he even came, though he says he did. Second time we had sex, the condom came off midway through because he was not very hard. He didn't come in me, he pulled out right away, but he was def. inside of me without the condom for a second. It was really embarrassing and we didn't really talk about it. I don't know if it was just me or what, and I was too embarrassed to ask him. The third time we used a condom, but again, he was not staying very hard and it was slipping off. It was really awkward, and we switched to oral and he did come, but it was strange because he was not very hard.
I am afraid that I got a STI from the second time. I can't stop thinking about about it, and I wonder if I should go get checked. I am so embarrassed though. And I don't know how to ask or talk to my B/F about this. I don't even want to have sex with him again right now because I'm afraid it will happen again. (The not having a very hard erection and condom not staying on thing) It's killing me because we took things slow, and I'm in love with him, but I don't know what to do, especially if I have an STI because of it. I got chlamydia three years ago from my husband and we got divorced because of it. I'm afraid my Dr. will think I'm a slut or something if I ask to get tested again. How do I talk to my B/F about this? Is there something I can do to help him stay hard? I feel so low right now, like I never want to have sex again.

Comments

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

Perhaps this STI risk evaluation tool (http://www.scarleteen.com/infection/risk_1.html) will be of some use to you.

Sounds like there's a lot going on, and I'm sure you'll get lots of fab responses from other VPers to address those bits. :)

[ravon.livejournal.com]

How about suggesting to your boyfriend that you both go and get tested so you know you are both clear and in future it wont matter as much if it happens again.
There is no point beating around the bush.. just come straight out with it!

[kaelstra.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I agree with Ravon. Just both go get tested and say it's for reassurance purposes in case an accident happens again.

You really shouldn't be embarassed or afraid to talk to the guy you're having sex with about sexual things. Hell, tell your boy that you got an STD from your husband, and you just want to be sure it doesn't happen again. (You don't have to tell him that, but it'd be a good 'excuse' to get you both tested)

I think the reason your guy is having trouble staying hard is probably the condoms. My fella had the same issue for a long time. It's just fact that it's harder to feel anything at all, so the peen loses interest, ha. It's no slight at you or anything, or even a reflection of his attraction to you-just some guys have a real fit staying hard in condoms.

[strand3d.livejournal.com]

So you've been with him for ten months, were either of you tested before engaging in sex? I know that i always get an STD test before i have sex with anyone, but if you or your boyfriend have no had one before this encounter, than it would be a good idea to both get tested. I doubt your doctor will view you as some kind of slut, my doctor always asks me if i want a test every time i go, it's no big deal to me. Besides, if he/she does, get a new doctor asap!

Also, it's really important to have open communication about these kids of issues. I would suggest trying to talk to him about it. I know it can be hard, but just be honest with him and non-threatening and it should go over okay. I'm sure you'll feel better once you guys talk about it.

[mandaryn.livejournal.com]

I think your doctor would actually be proud of you for asking to get tested again while being with a new partner!
You were doing the "right" thing by using a condom, it's not your fault that it came off during sex.

[littlesillymoo.livejournal.com]

You've been given lovely advice as to the STD/I part...
Quickly, first time sex usually sucks, especially if you're both virgins. It can put a lot of pressure to "perform" on a guy, which can lead to simply not being able to keep it up. I'd say to talk to him about it, get tested (both of you!), and continue to take things slow. If he masturbates, ask him to hold off for awhile, see if increased horniness helps. I wouldn't let it discourage you from sex with him, especially if you are in love/do love him. Good luck with it all!

[slow-awakening.livejournal.com]

She says she's not a virgin, she was married and got an STD from her husband before which is why it makes her afraid to confront the BF and go see a doctor.

[laurenoid.livejournal.com]

Oh, don't worry! Your concerns are totally normal and rational, and I promise you that nothing is horribly wrong. First-time sex (and sometimes second-time, and third-time, and eightieth-time!) sex sometimes is less than stellar. It's not out of the ordinary at all to experience some awkward stumbling points like the two of you did last night. But major kudos to you for feeling a bit concerned and evaluating your risk. It would be great if the two of you could talk about your experiences--last night, and in the past, like you mentioned. Try joking about it a little bit and admitting that it feels a bit awkward and embarassing--I bet that will help him feel safe talking about it openly with you, too. Love is full of all this crazy stuff. I wonder if there might be somewhere in your area that the two of you could go in together to get tested. That way you can continue a dialogue about your sexual health after you leave the office, you know, talking about what your doctor said and how to approach sex in your relationship. Finally, please don't worry a bit about looking like a "slut." Having sexual partners is not innately slutty, it's your choice and any qualified medical professional has an obligation to respect that and help you out. Good luck, and really, don't worry!

[twentymilehike.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend and I had the same problem the first time we had sex. I thought that maybe it was me at first, even though I knew that he was crazy about me. As it turned out, he was pretty nervous, and that can do the trick. Now that we have been together a long time and are completely comfortable around one another, we tend to have the opposite problem :) I'm sure that if you don't give him a hard time about it, it won't always be like that.

And don't feel embarrassed about going to the doctor to get tested again. Even though my BF hadn't been with anyonce since he last got tested, he still wanted us both to get tested again as a precaution. It is always better to put your mind at ease than to worry!

[numbersnletters.livejournal.com]

Jeez, you're using some pretty harsh language on yourself. Having consensual sex with someone you love and care about doesn't make you "a slut" -- I personally don't ever even use that word, I think it's damaging to think of women (i.e yourself) in such crude terms. Anyway, a good doctor certainly isn't going to think badly of you for coming to them for health care. If any doctor ever does, find another doctor!

Personally, I think that if you can't talk to your partner about sex, you need to put "being able to talk about sex with your partner" ahead of "being able to have sex with your partner". It sounds like you feel like the responsibility for his erection is completely in your lap, so to speak. You two need to be able to communicate openly about what's working and what isn't. You especially need to be able to communicate about health and safety risk concerns. You're not trapped, you know? You say you are in love with him... but you sound concerned about catching an STI from him. Do you trust him? Do you feel that he loves and respects you? You don't have to answer, it's just stuff you might want to think about.

There ARE people who have gone to school for many years, learning how to help people in your situation. They specialize in facilitating communication between partners, on the topic of sex. They're called sex therapists. You keep your clothes on, it's all about finding your voice and speaking honestly with your partner. Maybe you can look on your insurance provider's website, or ask them to send you the book with a list of providers. Good luck and, woman, love your body!