nervous about sex

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

I have been dating my boyfriend almost a year now, and we both enjoy having sex with each other but within the last 4 months or so I have become very paranoid about getting pregnant. Because of this I haven't been enjoying sex as much, and don't want to at all sometimes just because I am so afraid of getting pregnant.

We use condoms every time and he's very careful with using them, but I still can't seem to shake the thought in the back of my mind. I spoke with my doctor and because of some past health problems in my family she said I shouldn't be on hormonal birth control.

Also, I normally weigh about 115-120 and anytime my weight fluctuates or I think something has changed about my body, I automatically think I'm pregnant and start to freak out. Lately I've been feeling kind of sick, and I freak myself out even more then.

I'm just wondering if anyone has any pointers on how I can keep my mind off this and start enjoying sex again. Or if anyone has had similar experiences and what you do about it?

Comments

[franticalities.livejournal.com]

you cold try fertility tracking along with using condoms. knowing when youre body is or isnt capable of getting pregnant will give you great peace of mind.

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

How would I go about doing this?

[franticalities.livejournal.com]

do some googling/reading about FAM, which stands for fertility awareness method. If it sounds like something that might b e helpful to you, then i highly, HIGHLY recommend getting yourself a copy of the book Taking Charge of your Fertility, by Toni Weschler. It is fantastic and will etach you all kinds of great stuff about how to take control of your own fertility.

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

thank you very much!!

[franticalities.livejournal.com]

no prob, keep us posted!

i think FAM is really great!

[eclare.livejournal.com]

Could you do an IUD?

[eclare.livejournal.com]

Oh - and this is kind of a broader question - I know that diaphrams are not en vouge anymore because they're not 100% - but what about using them as a back up method? Or would it be like having two condoms - increase likelihood of breakage?

[serve-the-lord.livejournal.com]

Forgive me if I'm wrong, but I heard that doubling up on condoms can actually increase the likelihood of breaking...feel free to correct me if I am mistaken.

[eclare.livejournal.com]

That's what I'm saying...that's bad. Does a diaphram plus condom = bad in the same way?

[serve-the-lord.livejournal.com]

I'm a college student, and severely lacking in sleep...hehe, I'm sorry. I read that completely wrong. I thought you were offering the doubling up on condoms idea as an alternative to the idea of a diaphram and condom.

I'm starting to feel like Diaphragm girl :)

[amyrebeccah.livejournal.com]

Also because of past health issues in my family, I shouldn't take HBC, and I can't have an IUD either for other reasons.

Diaphragms are compatible with condoms. There isn't a whole lot of friction and the diaphragm latex is much thicker than the condom latex (fewer sensation issues). My doctors have approved this method. Combining the two makes it much more reliable, and I'm more than happy with it.

[serve-the-lord.livejournal.com]

OP, for what its worth, I'm experiencing the same anxiety. I'm taking hormonal birth control, and have tried having sex without condoms, but I was so scared that I had to make him put one on. I think almost every woman who isn't ready for a baby yet feels this type of anxiety, particularily when they're new to sex. I lost my virginity in March, and I'm still scared, even though I know the likelihood of using birth control AND condoms will result in a very, very low chance for pregnancy.

[astarlitnight.livejournal.com]

Probably not the answer you want to hear, but I was the same way and the only thing that put my mind at ease was not having sex. Ever.
Its not impossible, and it doesn't make your relationship any less meaningful.

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

how did you bring it up with your boyfriend? and was he completely open to the idea at first?

i've kind of brought it up before...but he doesn't seem to completely understand. he also kind of thinks if i don't want to be having sex with him, i might be getting it else where.

[astarlitnight.livejournal.com]

I just said "We're not going to have sex anymore, 'kay?".
Of course he was open to the idea... he loves and respects me, not to mention the fact that he doesn't want to be a parent, either.
Look, if he doesn't trust you/respect you enough to not have sex with you, then he's not really a good boyfriend, is he? Even if my boyfriend didn't understand completely why I didn't want to have sex, he would respect it.
If he breaks up with you, its really his loss, is it not?
Don't stress it. Do what feels right FOR YOU... your body is not something he has a right to in any means. You get to decide if he gets to have sex with you. Period.
Don't be afraid to say no!
Okay I'm done. That was long.

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

very true. thank you. :)

[ellinht.livejournal.com]

On the other hand sex can be a very important part of a relationship.
I love having sex with my boy because it is a way for us to connect on a deeper level. Him and I are both very paranoid people too but we are very careful with condoms and he withdraws before he ejeculates (even with the condom on) which eases my mind and his. I tried HBC but it didn't work for me and no where will give me an IUD but I am still on the look out for different options. Unfortunatley FAM isn't an option for me because my periods are all over the shop.

:) I hope I helpped a little.

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

thanks very much. i feel like it's an important part of our relationship too. i really like connecting with him on that level. so thanks for letting me know you feel the same way.

[velochicdunord.livejournal.com]

Educate, educate, educate yourself. Tori Weschler's _Taking Charge of your Fertility_, which talks about Fertility Awareness is an excellent way to avoid your fertile days or, if you want to conceive, to take advantage of them. It involves keeping track of your body temp at a consistent time each day, and charting it. Takes some discipline.

For about $20 - $30 at the drug store, in the baby supplies and prophylactics section (condoms and others) you should be able to find a saliva scope. This is a little gizmo for checking the hormonal changes in your saliva that indicate a fertile period - or not. It's pretty simple; a ferning pattern or crystalization indicates that you're fertile. No pattern is a pretty safe inidcation that you're not.

If you use those two in combination, you'll be very aware of what your body is doing - and not doing.

On other topics, is there any reason that you're _not_ using a birth control method beyond condoms? The anxiety is not going to go away until you feel you have a firm grip on things. Anxiety is your body and mind's way of saying "danger! danger!"

[bloody-words.livejournal.com]

thank you very much for the information. understanding more would help ease my mind. thank you for the pointers on where to get started.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

You can try:

- Condoms + spermicide
- Condoms + diaphragm
- Condoms + withdrawal
- Condoms + FAM
- Condoms + IUD

Or heck, condoms + spermicide + diaphragm + withdrawal + FAM, if you so chose. Avoiding sex on days you're most likely to be fertile plus having him withdraw even while using the condom might help bolster your confidence.

Backaches, slight fever, nausea, slight weight fluctuation, etc. can all be caused by a billion different things and don't have to mean pregnancy. In fact you can think of pregnancy as being one of a hundred different things that could be causing any weird little symptoms... so, any time you feel a little off, 99% of the time it's going to be because you just happen to feel off, not because you're pregnant.