natural lube & elusive orgasms

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

I'm 18 and have been with my partner for two years. We are very open with each other and comfortable doing and saying anything with/to each other. We've always been satisfied in our sex life.

So here's the problem:
I can't seem to make natural lube anymore. In the beginning, we just had booty calls so I could "rev myself up" for sex and be ready by the time he came to pick me up. But now we are dating and living together so sex happens whenever and I can never get wet enough for penetration without assistance. Is there anyway I can enhance my lubrication making abilities?

And here's problem number two:
I have had a million billion orgasms. But I've never had one with my lover (or any other partner I've had). He does everything- the man has performed oral sex for almost an hour to no avail. It feels good, and sometimes I start to feel the build, but then he'll shift position or my mind will wander and I'll lose it. The majority of the times I orgasm, I am masturabating in the shower. But I know that isn't the only time I can because I've woken myself up due to climaxing in my sleep. As you can imagine, this is very frustrating. Any advice?


Thank you all in advance, I've been watching this community for ages and you guys are wonderful.

Comments

[hetobeto.livejournal.com]

I don't have any advice for you (sorry!), but I wanted to thank you for posting this because I've got the same problem re: having an orgasm with my partner. I'll be watching this thread with interest!

[sicksexfix.livejournal.com]

love your icon!

[hetobeto.livejournal.com]

Thanks! It's a quote from the West Wing, but I find that it is suitable for everyday life as well :)

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure there's anything you can do to increase the amount of natural lubrication, beyond increasing the amount of foreplay. Do you masturbate before sex? It might help, since you seem to know what you like. If that doesn't work, though, that's okay. Are you on hormonal birth control? That can change the amount of lubrication your body produces.

There are many high-quality lubes out there. Some people prefer silicone, others prefer water-based (like Liquid Silk, which works well for me). Glycerin lubes like KY work for some people and exacerbate yeast infections in others. There's a ton of different options, and since you're 18 you should be able to check out your local adult stores for a wide variety. If you don't have anything like that in the area, drugstores have a basic selection of lubes, too.

Do you orgasm outside of the shower and when you aren't asleep? If not, you may start by masturbating and figuring out what works for you, and then trying to relay that to your partner. You might also try using a vibrator, or making sure to engage in clitoral stimulation while having intercourse. This may be something you just need to experiment with and try different things. And always make sure you let him know when something feels good and when you're just getting bored, because girly bits are tricky and what feels good changes day by day or hour by hour.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice. I am on hormonal bc (ortho tricyclen lo) but I've never been able to make an adequate amount of lube without decades of foreplay. I don't orgasm outside of the shower, when I'm awake, but that's not for lack of trying. I get close to orgasm on my own, but it's like sex- feel the build, then it dissapears. Thank you again, though, and when I'm finally off my period, I'll put your advice to good use.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

I forgot to add, for the most part, clitoral stimulation for sex isn't much of an option for the two of us, as my boyfriend is a big guy, and my fingers don't stay where I put them once the thrusting gets going (which is quite hazardous with long nails! eep).

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

If you enjoy sex on your sides while facing the same direction, or doggy-style, in those positions it's relatively easy for the guy to reach around and work on your clitoris. You could also try a vibe on yourself, which would eliminate the scares of long fingernails. :) My boyfriend's big too -- a foot and two inches taller and nearly twice as heavy as I am, lol. *points to icon* It's pretty funny, but somehow, it works, possibly by defying the laws of physics.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Wow you and I have the same exact proportions, height wise, to our -boyfriends. Except mine is 275-280 lbs, which is well over twice my weight.
I heart your icon :)

I know what you mean, defying the laws of physics. Have you attempted standing-up sex? It's possible, but can have potentially hilarious issues involved.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

I think my boy is similar in weight to yours, and I'm 140 so that's just about 2x as much. Thanks! I heart it too, hehe. :)

Ehhh, we haven't really attempted it, lol. I used to have a really tall bed and he could stand while I lay on it, but both of us standing hasn't worked out, since his penis hits above my belly button when we stand in front of each other, hahaha. Do you wear massive heels? Or stand on chairs/telephone books/stairs? I *would* like to try it, I'm just not sure how, heh.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

LOL, same situation. No phone book. I just stand on my tip toes (really, I could make a ballerina jealous) for the whole feat and bend over (it's kind of doggy style ish...except my hands aren't supporting me). You'll get really awesome calves.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

Oh! Yes, we've done that one, or at least a variation where I'm over a counter or couch or something. I was thinking of standing but face-to-face... Joy of Sex says it's doable, and I would love to be able to look down and actually see the action going on, hehe, but unless I get stripper heels (like 6 inches or higher) I don't see it happening, sadly.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

I really don't think my boyfriend and I could ever accomplish that...just way too many size issues that even stripper heels can't fix.

You should get this book, I forget the title, but it's got 52 position from the kama sutra- one for every week. Some of them are just rediculous, and the titles are awesome. Think "flying white tiger" and "archemedes' screw."

[borghalrantipol.livejournal.com]

This thing is wonderful. Seriously. (http://www.sextoys.co.uk/Cock-Rings/Rockin-Rabbit.asp) If you can't find that one specifically at your local "toy store", there are quite a few other similar products on the market, check them out.

Good luck.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

That looks intimidating and exhilerating at the same time ^_^ as soon as I get a job, my first paycheck may just be blown at a sex shoppe... Now to hide all the naughty things from the room mate...

[mercurywingspan.livejournal.com]

i just want to let you know that you're not alone in the orgasam thing. i've had tons of orgasams through masterbation/wet dreams but never with my partner. so yeah, you're not the only one!

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Isn't it just so frustrating?

[hexeengel.livejournal.com]

You might try experimenting, either by yourself or with your partner, and in either case with and without toys, to try and stimulate your G-spot. There are some vibratos specifically designed for this, but also having your partner curve his finger(s) toward the front of your body (like he's making the "come here" gensture, no pun intended :P) can be enough. Best of luck!

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

We do the "come here" thing a lot, and also this fingers-crossed twisty thing that drives me insane, but they don't work. Also, a lot of the positions we use hit my G-spot nicely, but that doesn't seem to do it for me. Thank you, though :)

possible cause for lack of natural lubrication

[arlan-bishop.livejournal.com]

One dead simple thing to check is to make sure that you are always properly hydrated (drink several glasses of water per day). While this might not be the root cause of your issue, keeping hydrated certainly helps. After the occasional long night of drinking (alcohol's a diuretic, of course), I find myself pretty dry and often have to rely on some outside help.

Re: possible cause for lack of natural lubrication

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Thank you. I don't drink a lot of water, but when I do, I find myself having to pee every twenty minutes (which is good for the pee before and after part of sex, but I'm not fond of sex on a full bladder). I don't drink alcohol (just not my thing) but I will start drinking more water, bladder be damned! Thanks <3

Re: possible cause for lack of natural lubrication

[arlan-bishop.livejournal.com]

And don't forget that caffeine is also a diuretic. If you drink a lot of coffee, tea, or such things during the day, you're going to have to try extra hard to keep yourself hydrated.

[hyrkanian.livejournal.com]

I second the advice on staying hydrated, because I have the same lubrication problem if I don't drink enough water thoughout the day. Also are you taking any other meds besides the HBC? What you describe sounds very much like the sexual side-effects of a lot of anti-depressant medications. Getting close to orgasm then having it slide out of reach, low natural lubrication, etc. It's very frustrating, I know from past experience with those problems whatever the cause. And just my personal preferences but I stopped growing my nails long, just keeping them trimmed to a half-inch or so, when they started getting in the way of masturbation and hand-jobs, etc. If you aren't completely dead-set on having long nails, maybe trim them and see if you can get better results from the clitoral stimulation thing.

HTH!

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Thank you very much! I think after this comment, I shall have a bottle of water. Strangely, no I'm not. I've been off of Zoloft for well over a year and a half and wasn't taking it that long to begin with.
My nails are never too long but both the mister and I like to have my nails longer for scratching (and coin picking up) purposes. Really, they're just barely long enough for a French manicure. The only time the nails are a problem are when I'm on top and trying to stimulate myself.

[jananaphone.livejournal.com]

If you can't lube up naturally, please get lube. My boy and I like KY and also quite like ID Millennium, which is silicone-based (less is more!).

My boyfriend can't make me orgasm. I don't like oral; I can't do it with just my hands; he can't do it with just his hands. I need clitoral stimulation, even during sex, to get off. My solution? A small vibrator. I can hold it easily during sex, and I can use it other times too. I love it. It's pretty much the only way I can orgasm.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

We do occasionally use lube but I'm not very coordinated and it gets everywhere. I may invest in a small vibe, though, thanks :)

[solitaryfairy.livejournal.com]

I second this! The little vibe is the BESTEST to sneak in during intercourse. My boy likes it too, cause he can feel it as well! Plus, if you get the right one you can use it for all kinds of things. :)

[wearebarnacles.livejournal.com]

Exactly.

[sarah-mae13.livejournal.com]

I almost always have to use lube. I use Astroglide and I love it.

The only orgasm suggestion I have is checking out She Comes First by Ian Kerner. I found it to be very helpful and my boyfriend did too. And I second the more foreplay.

[sabrarosa.livejournal.com]

As someone mentioned, other meds can also decrease your lubrication. Antihistamines are one of them. Pretty much anything taht dries up your mucous membranes will affect your amount of lubrication.

As far as the orgasming is concerned..

It sounds like perhaps some of what it now going on is some anxiety about not being able to orgasm which can really make it even more difficult to reach climax. I have had similar problems as well. My suggestions are to A) Relax about whether or not you will have an orgasm or not during penetrative intercourse and B) Invest in a nice slimline vibe. I like vibes that are long but slim because they are easy to hold onto during partner sex but will not get in the way.

Maybe after a few encounters where you do orgasm you will figure out a way to have an orgasm during penetrative sex. Everyone's body is different so be patient with yourself and have LOTS of fun exploring the possibilities.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Well, until recently I've never been overly concerned about coming or not- sex is still pleasureful whether or not I orgasm so I never really cared. It's just recently that I've kind of felt like, "Okay, where's my payoff?"

Thank you for your advice though :)

[cthulhulicious.livejournal.com]

Well if you're not doing it already, I definitely think he should spend more time with you in the shower. :-)

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Almost all of my showers for the past month and a half have been co-ed. The problem with that is, in order to orgasm, I have to be in a position that really doesn't allow anyone else in the shower.