(no subject)

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

Okay this question doesn't actually have to do with any physical malady, but I don't know where else to ask this question. I know   people have weird sexual fantasies but I think I may be sexually perverse. I have two consistant fantasies. One always involves a guy that isn't my boyfriend - generally a guy I have hooked up with - or sometimes even strangers. The other deals with rape fantasies. I don't think I have fantasize about my boyfriend (of over 2 years). Is fantasizing about rape normal? Is fantasizing about other men all the time normal? Maybe I should also add that a guy can't make me orgasm. I can make myself orgasm EVERY time. . . but when it comes to men doing it, it doesn't work. I can show a guy how I masturbate, but even if they do it exactly the same way, nothing comes of it. So it's kind of like every sexual part of me is retarded. If anyone has any insight, I would appreciate it.

Comments

[mercurysmile.livejournal.com]

my best fantasies involve raping my ex-boyfriend, or being raped by a stranger. I figure I'm just sexually aggressive and masochistic. I don't think there's anything wrong with that kind of thing...as long as you don't *actually* rape people (but it sounds like your fantasies involve you being the rapee not the rapist). Too bad about the orgasms though, I don't really have any advice on it :(

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

lol thanks. hopefully i will figure it out.

[jaxygyrlie.livejournal.com]

I fantasize about raping/being raped pretty regularly while I masturbate, so I hope it's relatively normal haha :D

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

Most of mine involve rape, or being completely dominated. My fantasies never include my boyfriend, and I never had fantasies that involved other boyfriends either.

Sometimes, even during sex to push myself over the edge to orgasm if I'm just not getting there, I start thinking about being watched, controlled, etc and it helps me get off in seconds.

I think it's completely normal and healthy to fantasize about such taboo (and morally wrong like being raped)things. It's a healthy way to get those desires out without being hurt/hurting someone.

[whoa-breathe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, I've thought about this, and personally I think rape fantasies are all about dominance. It seems perfectly normal to want someone else to be completely in control from time to time.

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

When it comes to actually having sex though, I enjoy being the dominant one. I think subconsciously, I'm just screaming for someone to take complete control of me though.

[whoa-breathe.livejournal.com]

Yeah, fantasies are wierd like that, sometimes they don't make real practical sense in any way...

[robynchick.livejournal.com]

I think that's normal!
Perhaps you would have more luck with your partner performing oral sex on you? For many women that's the fastest way to orgasm. If not just forget about the orgasm and do what makes you feel pleasure. I've discovered that a little cooperation goes a long way. Have him finger you or touch you in other ways while YOU touch your own clit.

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

that is a good idea that i have tried only a few times. but i can't orgasm while masturbating if he is watching me. i dunno what is wrong with me. and i am not too fond of oral. i dunno why but i think i am uncomfortable with his face all down there. i am such a weird girl.
and we do have sex and all that but he won't believe me when i say that it feels good even though i don't orgasm. guys don't seem to understand that sex can be okay without orgasms.

[beloveddoll.livejournal.com]

I had some issues with fantasies concerning rape. I was concerned that I was abnormal, or it was some sort of premination of the future. I took some time to get comfortable with myself enough to talk to a friend about it, and they actually shared the same fantasy!

I just took that experience and made it wide-spread...

I like the idea of being helpless during sex and I took the opportunity to explore some D/s play with my current boy.

Maybe that's the same for you too?

[paix.livejournal.com]

i think about men who aren't my boyfriend as well. they're fantasies! they're meant to stray from reality :).

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

yea i know but i was just concerned about the fact that my boyfriend is NEVER in any of my sexual fantasies.

[agata.livejournal.com]

The word "rape" makes me feel really uncomfortable. Why not just say... "I fantasize about being dominated" and not "rape"... ?

[lindsey-nichole.livejournal.com]

because some people do fantasize about being raped.

being dominated and raped are two totally different things.

[arbore.livejournal.com]

Yeah, exactly. Mine aren't necessarily being "dominated" (although I LOVE, so it may tie in,) but it's the fact that some women (like I) actually fantasize about being RAPED. Weird, I know haha.

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

i mean being raped is forced to have sex against your will and being dominated is having consenual [sp] sex where ur partner takes control. i agree that it is different too.

[dierdreceilidh.livejournal.com]

Yep it's different. And some people fantasize about being raped.

[housepoet.livejournal.com]

funny you ask this question. I have my one personalized mood icons and this is what I see to mood:horny

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

lol is he looking up a girl's skirt? i can't really see it well.

[mandapants74.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's from The Breakfast Club. He's doing it more to irritate her than to perve out.

[thecrimsondrago.livejournal.com]

You're normal. I have the same fantasies too. You just need to find a guy willing to do it with you. My boyfriend pins me down all the time while I'm thrashing, and the sex is great.

As long as you have at least one safe word that you would never think to call out during sex. That way, if things start to hurt too much, you have a way to get it to stop. Powerless, but not completely. Know what I mean?

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

yea i have heard about doing it like that. i tried it once but i didn't really get me off. i dont think my boyfriend was comfortable with it. and it just didn't seem real. . . he didn't put all of himself into it.

[peaceofpie.livejournal.com]

When I did my first two sexuality education trainings, we learned that rape fantasies are the most frequent ones for women to have. It's totally normal and does not at all mean that you actually want to get raped. It is also totally normal to be accustomed to orgasming in a certain way (in your case, by bringing yourself there) and not be able to come any other way.

[granolagrrrl.livejournal.com]

Rape fantasies are fairly common from what I understand. It's always been my hottest and most occuring fantasy, and felt pretty bad about it sometimes. But I've made peace with it more now. It's not like I'm condoning rape, and I can't really help what turns me on when it comes down to it.

Robynchick gave you good advice. I would add also that for me, the more experience I got with guys, the easier it is. Also, my husband just isn't good at dominating me in bed because he's sort of a bottom himself, and I thought I would never enjoy dominating someone, but I did it a few times to humor him and it was actually pretty fun. Also, it's good give and take.

And never having fantasies about your boyfriend sounds normal, too. Usually when I fantasize about my husband I'm just doing it because I feel bad and I want to give him a chance in my fantasy life, but he usually dissapears before it's all over.

[dierdreceilidh.livejournal.com]

It isn't perverse. I have had the same fantasies, so much so that I explored them and that led me to D/s (Dominance and submission). I discovered I was submissive and have had many successful relationships with Dominating partners. Everyone has their "thing" that gets them excited. Don't let other peoples "norms" stop you from giving and receiving pleasure!

Are you a submissive?

[subonfire.livejournal.com]

Ditto what dierdre said. I have always fantasised about rape. I would hate it in real life. In fantasy, it's about being out of control. Being taken by a strong man. Being desired so much that he can't restrain himself. Being weaker, being feminine. Not being responsible.
Any or all of these. What it isn't, is a desire for actual rape.

I have discovered that I'm a submissive as well. I would suggest you read up on BDSM and see whether it appeals to you. A good place to start is http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm

It's totally normal to fantasise about people other than your current partner. You'd be weird if you didn't, really.

Oh, and the place to ask the question is probably the sextips group.

Good luck.

Re: Are you a submissive?

[arbore.livejournal.com]

Which is the difference between submissive and dominant? I know what the dominant deals with, but put into context, how's it work?

Re: Are you a submissive?

[subonfire.livejournal.com]

I'm just going to quote from "The Castle" web site.

" Submission is the act of surrendering some or all of ones personal power to another person. It's allowing someone else to control your body and behavior within certain preset limits. This must be a willing act on the part of the submissive or the boundaries of abuse have been crossed. The methods and levels of submission are infinite. Each person must decide how much and how far this exchange of power will go but the rules of "safe, sane and consensual" must always apply."

Read more here. (http://www.castlerealm.com/subspace/subspace.htm)

Re: Are you a submissive?

[arbore.livejournal.com]

:) thanks

[arbore.livejournal.com]

Haha oh man, I'm glad I'm not the only one! I experience everything you've just said, and I thought I was so weird for feeling it was "weird" to not fantasize about my boyfriend, and instead, exes, strangers, people I've met at random stores, etc. And with the rape thing, same thing with me. I like being "dominated" though, so I think that's where mine comes from.

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

lol it's good to know i am not a freak for fantasizing this stuff too!

[tilmitt.livejournal.com]

Y'know, your post was just like I would have been writing it. O_o And after reading some comments here I'm surprised that I'm not alone! I fantasize about stuff like that too and very rarely they involve my boyfriend. Most of the time they are complete strangers or fictional characters. And yes, sometimes rape (or rather, domination) is involved too and the whole me being blindfolded and some guy doing things to me and I don't know him or cannot stop him-scene. But while I can fantazise and get aroused about stuff like that, I'm sure I wouldn't get a kick out of that if it actually happened. So it's just in my mind. And I dearly love my boyfriend and would never even consider cheating on him, and that I am sure of. I just have weird fantasies warring against reality. :P

And about the orgasm thing, I'm the same as you on that too. I get really nice orgasms all by myself but I've never had one with my boyfriend. If he tries to use the vibrator on me it doesn't work at all and even him just watching me do it to myself makes orgasming harder. I'm going to work on that though and make myself come in front of him first, then I'll try to teach him to use the vibra on me better and so on and so on... And maybe one day I can actually have an orgasm when having sex with him. :P

[-cestlavie-.livejournal.com]

haha it's so weird how alike our situations are... especially with orgasms.
one thing i worry about with the whole rape fantasy thing is that i want my fantasy to be a reality. that maybe if i was raped i would actually be turned on or something. i know how fucked up that sounds but i think maybe i am crazy liek that.

gosh, being able to have an orgasm thru sex would be awesome. i can't wait til the day it happens lol. i think the guy who FINALLY makes me orgasm like all the time will be the man i marry (j/k. . . i think. . )