(no subject)

[blind-to-blue.livejournal.com]

I’m 18, have been dating my boyfriend (who just turned 20) for over two years. When we started having sex it was not the most fantastic thing (physically). It was uncomfortable for me and we weren’t using any lube. Eventually it got to be what I would consider normal. However, penetration is always painful. Even if I orgasm before sex, it still is very uncomfortable.

We just sort of put up with it for the first year or so, thinking it would go away. However, it’s now been almost two years since the first time we slept together (and the first time I slept with anyone), and I still experience the same pain. We’ve started using lube, but it hasn’t helped. To put it graphically, I feel like my labia are being pulled into my vagina. I usually I have to pull them out of the way…and I’m fairly sure that I don’t have unusually large vaginal lips. It also just feels like the opening is too tight, even though we usually/almost always fool around before sex.

Sorry for all the details, it just really sucks. Honestly, I think it bothers my boyfriend more than me because he hates the thought that I always have to experience some kind of pain in order to have sex.

If you have any thoughts or suggestions I would greatly appreciate it.

…It just occurred to me that perhaps I should apply lube all over the place, including the outside of my labia. But that only solves half the problem…

I read the memories and found one woman's comment to a poster that she just has to go easy at the beginning of sex. Like, have him enter her slowly and chill for a bit before going at it, so to speak. Is this good advice? I hate to ask it, because I know there isn't really 'normal' when it comes to sexuality, but there is normal when it comes to anatomy. So, is it 'normal' for some women to have to do this, or is there a way I can make sex better for me and my boy?

Comments

[sheisaeval.livejournal.com]

I'm not quite sure if it's the same kind of pain, but I've been having sex for a year and each time penetration always hurts. Then I have to take a min or two to relax and feel better, but then it would feel better.

[lolacat.livejournal.com]

I think the advice you read sounds good. Sometimes I feel the way you're describing when I'm low on juices and my husband wants to go really deep really fast.

So here's what I would try, if I were you (IMO):
1 - do lots of foreplay to get the natural juices flowing
2 - put the lube on you, not him - rub it around your vulva as well as his penis, so that all the parts that seem to be grabby are juiced up.
3 - go in a little at a time, working your way up to the whole thing. this can actually be quite fun!

Outside of that, you might try some finger stretching/labia massage of your own. When women are getting ready to have babies (talk about stretch!) it's recommended that they do some perineal/vaginal massage to soften the tissue and get it nice and stretchy. This might help you too.

Good luck.

Lauren

[redlizzy.livejournal.com]

perhaps along with lube try a variety of positions - backwards for example places all the parts that interact with each other at a completely different angle than missonary position. there are time of the month that i greatly prefer one position over the other for internal comfort/pleasure.

[robynchick.livejournal.com]

Yes! applying lube on the outside will help and should preventa most of your pain. You can also hold your labia back and away until he enters you. It's also possible that your hymen isn't stretching or is too thick (you can still have a hymen and it might be what is causing you pain.) Talk to your doctor or gynecologist and ask him/her what you might do about it!
If it is a particularly tough and un-stretchy hymen they can make a little cut to help you out.

[fumblerette1.livejournal.com]

Go with what everbody else has said, and something else you could try is playing with your clit while your boyfriend penetrates you. My boyfriend is really thick, and I get that same kind of stretching pain you mention every time we have sex. What helps is lots of lube, lots of foreplay, and rubbing my clit as he penetrates me.

[ncsu-lady.livejournal.com]

If the above suggestions do not seem to help then definatly seek medical attention. You realy should not have pain with sex. There is a condition called vulva vestibulitis, which i havve which has similar symptoms to what you are describing.

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

I have vestibulitis / vestibulodynia as well - fun, isn't it?

[thelican.livejournal.com]

I, too, have vulvodynia; it's pretty awful. This condition doesn't seem to get discussed much on this site, but I'm wondering how many more of us there are out there.

How do you guys deal with yours?

[studiouspilgrim.livejournal.com]

i have been having sex with my boyfriend for about a year and a half. When he first enters me (even if i am worked up), it often hurts for a second or two until my body adjusts. However i do quickly adjust and do not experience pain throughout the rest of intercourse (well baring things hitting wrong etc.). Also, after i cum i tend to get quite sensitive and sex can become a bit painful, so if you are orgasming often before sex that COULD be part of the problem.
Also, how often are you having sex? cuz oftentimes if it is very infrequent, it is possible that your vag has'nt been err stretched properly? (if that made no sense i'm fighting with my boy and attempting to finish a term paper...).
So basic advice, try more lube, have more frequent sex, don't cum before intercourse, and go LOW, waitng for a few seconds after insertion, can be a HUGE help. also if the pain is only for the first second or two, thats not that abnormal (well atleast it's normal for me :)).

Now if the pain IS extremely bad, and for the duration of intercourse, or if things don't get better after the advice from the lovely ladies at vagpag, i would highly recomend going to see your gyn, perhaps there is something up that you are unaware of :).

[studiouspilgrim.livejournal.com]

by go low, i mean GO SLOW at first :)

[blind-to-blue.livejournal.com]

Thanks everyone for your advice!

(To the above commenter, yes, sex is infrequent (especially during the school year) because we are in different states. When we're home, there are parents and siblings around. Ick.)

[the-olive.livejournal.com]

I had a pain problem for a while, even though we were having sex pretty frequently. Then my boyfriend was away for the summer, and when he came back, we somehow tore some bit of hymen that hadn't been done away with before, and since then it hasn't hurt.

Also, once my inner labia actually did end up inside my vagina with his penis, and that hurt a whole incredible lot. Oh, man. That really hurt. I got them out of there reeeeal fast. Man.

Also-also, my outer labia and the hair on them can be a source of uncomfortable friction until they get a little slick. I'm definitely familiar with the sensation that they're being pulled in. It's kinda unpleasant, though not painful for me, and I don't really expect that to ever change.

I dunno if any of that is helpful- there's plenty of good advice in this thread. Just wanted to say that there are some curious problems that aren't rare.

[savestheworld.livejournal.com]

what i've found helpful is if the woman controls the penetration and takes her time.

[finding_helena]

I don't think that having the initial penetration be hard and fast is the common model of things... and even supposing it is, if it isn't right for you, do what's right for you. That generally doesn't work for me... I'm rarely as ridiculously slippery as that would require, so we have to go sort of slowly.

And I know what you mean about the lips being pulled in thing. Sometimes when my fiance tries to penetrate me and his aim is a bit off, he kind of starts dragging the lips along with him until I stop him. :P