Period/Sex question?
Feb. 17th, 2012 12:00 am![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
princessmange.livejournal.com posting in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
vaginapaginaHey guys :)
So I was wondering...
I'm a huge worry wart and I'm like so obsessed with being extra extra careful during sex that a lot of times I ruin the mood for my boyfriend. I'm not on birth control because I can't tolerate it. But we do use condoms.
Anyway,
He insists that I can't get pregnant during the first couple days of my period if we have unprotected sex and he pulls out.
However this still worries me.
Is he right? Or should I stick to being overly cautious?
So I was wondering...
I'm a huge worry wart and I'm like so obsessed with being extra extra careful during sex that a lot of times I ruin the mood for my boyfriend. I'm not on birth control because I can't tolerate it. But we do use condoms.
Anyway,
He insists that I can't get pregnant during the first couple days of my period if we have unprotected sex and he pulls out.
However this still worries me.
Is he right? Or should I stick to being overly cautious?
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no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:03 am (UTC)Are condoms an option? I'm not trying to belittle or judge your birth control habits but there are more reliable methods than pulling out!
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 08:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-18 06:12 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:12 am (UTC)If you can't tolerate BC, have you considered a IUD? Or perhaps vaginal sponges?
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:16 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 06:57 pm (UTC)(frozen) no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:25 am (UTC)http://en.wikibooks.org/wiki/Human_Physiology/The_female_reproductive_system read the "The Female Reproductive Cycle" section. tracking temp, texture and such has been used as a way of preventing pregnancy... probably better than just relying on pulling out. (yikes!)
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2012-02-18 04:43 am (UTC)I understand that the OP might not be comfortable with it -- and it's totally their call in their own life -- but as I mentioned in my comment below, there are people who make educated decisions to have barrier-free sex on Cycle Days 1 and 2. I did it for about 4 years as part of using fertility awareness (only with ejaculation in vagina). I'm not sure if you intended it this way, but saying "that doesn't sound like a good idea at all if you dont want a kid" is dismissive of people who've made a careful decision to do just that.
I'm not suggesting that it's the right choice for everybody, but neither is it inherently a bad decision.
(frozen) no subject
Date: 2012-02-18 05:55 am (UTC)(frozen) Safe Space Reminder
Date: 2012-02-19 08:20 pm (UTC)If you'd like more information on safe space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#Safe_Space), please refer to these items in our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ):
You are more than welcome to make a post over in
Caroline
For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:32 am (UTC)Basically, the factors look like this: Even under sperm-friendly conditions (aka, open cervix and fertile quality cervical fluid), sperm are not likely to survive more than 3-7 days in the uterus. In sperm-unfriendly conditions -- of which menstrual blood is one -- the average lifespan is more like several hours. Most ovulation happens 10-16 days before the next period, and the ovum is only viable for about 24 hours. For someone with a shortish cycle (say, 24 days) and an average luteal phase (the time between ovulation and the next period, let's call it 14 days here) are unlikely to experience ovulation before Cycle Day 10. It could be longer for someone with longer cycles.
Adding to that, withdrawal -- even with typical use -- is something like 72% effective as contraception over the course of a year.
For most people, pregnancy in those situations would be statistically unlikely. That said, I know there can be a big gap between "statistically unlikely" and "I feel comfortable relying on that as my birth control."
First, you do not have to have sex under any contraceptive (or other) circumstances you're uncomfortable with. "This makes me uncomfortable" is plenty of reason to want additional contraception in those times. Additionally, if you're interested but still wary, it might make sense to do some more in depth research -- reading something like Toni Weschler's Taking Charge of Your Fertility might give you a better idea as to whether this is something you're comfortable with for you.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:48 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 08:22 am (UTC)I've taken exactly that risk on plenty of occasions, but I was aware it was the risk I was taking and I was okay with it. If you're not okay with it, don't do it.
If he's insistent that he wants to have condomless sex... well, that's kind of not-okay if he's being pushy. You could just suggest he get a vasectomy, though. That tends to remind men that they could be the ones making themselves infertile. ;)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:40 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:46 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 05:46 am (UTC)There are different types of birth control pills out there, I am not sure if you have tried a variety. I have to use a monophasic pill where the dosages never change or else I can't tolerate them either.
There's also an IUD.
I'd suggest talking to your doctor about other options. But in the meantime, do what makes you feel safe and comfortable when it comes to sex.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 06:22 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 08:09 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 06:28 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 06:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-18 06:08 am (UTC)Because although there are some considerable drawbacks (no protection against STIs, for example), withdrawal is reported to be 96% effective when used perfectly, according to this table from Contraceptive Technology (http://www.contraceptivetechnology.org/table.html).
Many people believe that pre-ejaculate fluid (AKA "precum") contains sperm, but all available studies suggest that's not true at all, since it's a fluid that does not originate from the testicles and that is used primarily for lubrication of the male's urethra to prepare for the release of semen.
Trouble can crop up when two consecutive rounds of penis-in-vagina sex occur without the penis-wielder having flushed their urethra by emptying their bladder between sessions.
You can read more about the stats and pros/cons related to withdrawal in this Vulvapedia entry about withdrawal (http://vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=Non-Hormonal_Birth_Control#The_Withdrawal_.28Pull-Out.29_Method), if you're curious.
Again, to reiterate: it might not be a method that works for everyone, but it certainly is a legitimate form of birth control and works for some people.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 06:53 pm (UTC)This table tells you the actual pregnancy risk of various forms of birth control: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_birth_control_methods#Comparison_table
Now, to be clear, any time you have PIV sex, there's a *chance* of pregnancy, whether you're using the birth control pill, condoms, pull out, tubal ligation, an IUD, something else, or some combination. But the chance in the scenario your boyfriend describes is quite low. In fact, the chances are lower than if you are just using condoms in the middle of the month.
But there are plenty of reasons that people might not want to choose any given means of contraception. For instance, if your period is sometimes spotty in the first couple days and you don't feel confident saying which days are the first two. For instance, if you aren't sure that your boyfriend has the self-control to pull out in time. For instance, if you prefer to use condoms because you can check them afterward for breaks.
It's all about what you're comfortable with. If you aren't comfortable with going without condoms, then keep using them.
no subject
Date: 2012-02-17 09:02 pm (UTC)(frozen) no subject
Date: 2012-02-20 02:53 am (UTC)(frozen) Safe Space Reminder
Date: 2012-02-22 01:39 am (UTC)We can't speak for the OP, but it's always appreciated here in VP when someone who receives a safe space reminder apologizes for their words.
We want to clarify that it is possible for you to have expressed what you said you wanted to say without this part:
NOOOO it is not a good idea to just trust some idiot man
Whether you were referring to the OP's partner specifically or to a hypothetical man, name-calling isn't okay in VP. The warning you received was in that spirit -- to make sure that those who identify as men would not feel unwelcome or unsafe in VP after reading a comment like yours. Moreover, while you were perhaps being flip, someone does not become an idiot (about vaginas or just in general) because they are a man.
Your last sentence ("I also apologize for not knowing that there is a particular written tone you must write in while talking about sex, vaginas and penises") might bear some clarification from us, too. Certainly you are welcome to use whatever tone you like when you are discussing sex, vaginas, and penises outside of
Lastly, we want to remind you of the appropriate channels for protesting/discussing VP maintainer actions: you can contact us privately via email (vpteam @ vaginapagina.com) or you may contact us publicly in
In that spirit, we will now be freezing this thread. Again, if you'd like to talk further about your safe space reminder or VP's guidelines, you are welcome to email or make a post in
Thanks for understanding.
--alex
for the VP Team (http://vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-22 02:01 am (UTC)