(no subject)

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

Does anyone else have trouble getting off with a partner? I started having sex when I was 19. I'm 27 now and I haven't had a single orgasm with any partners. I feel like every man I've been with thinks my vag is a penis and a few strokes is all it takes me to get me going. I can't come through PIV sex and I'm so jealous of anyone who can. I enjoy the sensation but it's not enough. Mind you I've never been in a long-term relationship so that might affect my comfort level, since most guys I've been with are usually a one-time thing or at the most it lasts a couple of weeks. Anyway.....some times I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex, especially when the guy is super attractive, but I just can't seem to come and I don't know how to instruct them without hurting their super-senstive ego. Not to generalize, but every guy I've been with seems to need some kind of reassurance that they're "doing me right" and I don't know how to say "no, you're doing it all wrong" without being rude, especially when it comes to educating them about my vag. Any suggestions?

or do you think this is somehting I can only achieve in a long-term relationship, where we have time to get to know eachother's bodies better and trust eachother enough to be comfortable to try anything?

Thanks!

Comments

[whatsherface162.livejournal.com]

I can't get off with my husband using his penis. I have to have be able to rub on my clit while laying on my back sitting up a little. It's a bit uncomfortable for him this way. But that doesn't mean he doesn't get me off or it is any less intimate than a woman who can get off from PIV. When he uses his fingers to make me cum is best. He still plays a part in it and his finger tips can hit my g-spot just right whereas a penis seems too broad. It did take me a few years to make him realize it isn't his penis that is lacking because PIV doesn't get me off. Women are just different and it takes different ways to get us off.

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

Thank you for sharing your experience. and yes....fingering my clit feels really good during PIV sex, and yes it's best when it's his fingers and not mine. I have yet to discover a g-spot. My clit seems to be the only thing that gets me going.

"It did take me a few years to make him realize it isn't his penis that is lacking because PIV doesn't get me off. Women are just different and it takes different ways to get us off. "

- Do you mind if I ask how he came to terms with this? Was he angry in the beginnning? I don't know why, but angry men scare me. Did he feel like he was less masculine?

[whatsherface162.livejournal.com]

He was never angry, it just depressed him and made him feel like a loser. All I could do was reassure him he wasn't less masculine or a loser. We also looked at books and sites for new ideas and stuff about the body and that showed him that women are a bit more difficult to get off than what porn shows. He thought that every man was getting girls off because of what he saw in porn and his friends bragging that they did but he found out that they have the same problems and they were just lying. I think us just exploring each other, looking at real material with real people and their experiences and him not thinking he has to be a porn star helped. Cause I told him big penis or small penis or no penis, you can't just pound away and expect me to get off. Women need more than that. We are sensual creatures, not pigs rutting.

He actually got me off the other night and didn't want anything in return. How cool is that?!

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

That is AWESOME! I'm always the one who gets off and asks for nothing in return. Does your husband have a borther? Lol...or a friend who shares similar personality traits? Haha........

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

Ooops....I mean my partner at the time is ususlaly the one who gets off and I ask for nothing in return, PRE-climax anway....for some reason I assume POST-climax, he's done for the night.

[terryo.livejournal.com]

Post HIS climax, he may not have a hard penis anymore (for a while anyhow), but mouth, fingers, and hands still should be in working order... Besides, I find sharing the glow after orgasm (including continuing to play) is the reward for the climax.

[totheleft.livejournal.com]

Agreed. My husband and I both make active attempts to be as unselfish as possible; this includes each of us occasionally continuing to work on the other even when we're "done".

[whatsherface162.livejournal.com]

Oh and I'm 25 and until a few years ago I couldn't pinpoint where my g-spot was. And wanna hear something funny? Until a year and a half ago, I thought where my clit is, I thought that was my pee hole! I kept wondering why my tampon string would get wet when I peed. So, one day I was curious, looked up a detail image/drawing of the outside of a woman's vag that had arrows pointing to what everything was and I was like wtf, is that where the pee hole is and not where my clit is. So, I busted out a hand mirror and inspected myself down there and sure enough it was just like the picture. LOL! I felt so stupid but I think it's funny now. I have a mound of tissue right inside on top of my vagina hole and I thought that was my clit but I was told that may just be some scar tissue from my hymen.

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, but can I please LMAO.........you're very kind to share an experience taht must have been unpleasant for you to make me feel better.....I laughed so hard. But atleast you found your g-spot. wooot! I"m two years your senior and I"m still on that journey. Wish me luck :)

[whatsherface162.livejournal.com]

Hahah it's fine. I think it's pretty hilariously myself. A friend of mine, after telling her that story, thought pee came from her vagina hole so I was able to educate her too. I encourage women now to take a mirror to your crotch and check it out. Quite cool

[archangelbeth]

Although there are some people whose urethras do get very close, or even slightly inside, the vagina! It's on the statistically rare side, but it's possible. Those people also tend to be more vulnerable to getting a UTI after penetrative sex, even if they urinate right after to flush out bacteria, because the act of penetration irritates their urethras so much, and pushes bacteria in so effectively. O:(

[lunabelle.livejournal.com]

Oh I should have kept reading before I commented! FYI my husband didn't get angry either and luckily he also didn't get depressed or feel like less of a man! To make it worse, I only get off when I'm touching my clit, him touching it doesn't feel as good. He knows he turns me on and I enjoy myself so that's all that matters.

If a man gets angry with you for wanting to have sex the way you like it - that's when you know he isn't the one. In this generation, sex isn't something you must do to make your man happy. He is equally responsible to make sure you feel good and are also happy!

Good luck!

[f13tch3r.livejournal.com]

Yes! I blame tv and movies to a certain extent because they always show women coming quickly simply from his penis inside her when simply that is not the way it happens most of the time.

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

i know, I stopped being able to watch scenes like that because it really depresses me :(