(TW) Update on my sister's child abuse case

[rebeccagrace.livejournal.com]

Hello VPers.

I wanted to give an update about my nephew's child abuse case. I called child services today to get an update on the case. The person in charge of the investigation told me that they had closed the case due to lack of evidence. I am so, so upset. The person basically told me that I was the only person who had come forward and that everyone else had said that it wasn't that bad, and/or they hadn't seen anything. I was made to feel like I was almost making it up, to cause trouble. The person was like, "Well, no one else has corroborated your story, so..."

I don't know what else I can do, VPers. I tried, and now I feel like I have failed my nephew and it just makes me ill. I am already under so much stress from the whole thing, and then just to be told that there was no case basically because there were no marks or bruises just makes me feel awful. She won't get the help she needs, and my nephew still has to live with her...and...it's awful. I feel like I haven't made the slightest difference. 

Wow, I'm sorry...this kind of turned into a pity party for me, and I didn't mean it that way. I just feel so bad, and scared for my nephew. What more can I possibly do? There is no way on earth I will ever be allowed to see my nephew or niece again after this, so I've lost them...therefore I have lost my ability to protect them and nurture them. I am sad. 

Comments

[gryphonwing.livejournal.com]

Oh damn. :( **hugs**

The silver lining here is that if there's another complaint, from someone else, this will be on record - and the next complaint will be taken more seriously than it would otherwise.

Sometimes when you've done what you can to take care of others, you need to focus on taking care of yourself. **hugs**

[slinkslowdown.livejournal.com]

everyone else had said that it wasn't that bad

Any amount of abuse is bad and unacceptable, there's no such thing as It's not that bad. :(

[nightchild01.livejournal.com]

I hate to say it but I'm really not surprised at the result. You did what you could, you can at least tell yourself that. And what the other poster said about how if someone else makes an accusation against them it will be taken more seriously is also true. However, unfortunately, CPS can't really do much unless more than one person comes forward about child abuse accusations or there's serious injury or pictures/video of the abuse taking place.

You still did a good thing for your nephew.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

You did the best thing you knew how to do...and that's all you can ask of yourself.

Are you sure your sister won't let you see your nephew anymore? Will you hear second hand about things that happen? You may be able to still call and make a report if you were to hear of something again in the future. The other thing you might consider is giving other people in their life a heads up. I don't know if the kids go to school or anything, but if there are any mandated reporters involved you could just let them know that you have seem abuse and that they should keep their eyes open.

Please, know that you did the right thing. If nothing else, you sent the message that child abuse is not ok - and that's important. It may help your nephew to just know (some day) that someone DID speak up for him. That's important.

[aylaelphaba.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry to hear that! I can't believe the agency would just drop the case because only one person witnessed the abuse! Isn't one enough?!

Is there a different agency or organization you could contact?

[sabishii-kirito.livejournal.com]

I'm so sorry. Sadly, cps is a joke in many jurisdictions. I was taken away twice because of my mom's ex, eventhough he wasn't living with us anymore and we both had restraining orders against him. The second time, I was taken away when I called the cops on him for breaking into our house. Meanwhile, our across-the-street neighbor who was on crack and molested his daughters (possiby son as well--his suicide note alluded to some stuff apparently) didn't even warrant a case worker visiting their house despite the poor living conditions (the house was literally leaning at an angle, and there was cat poop everywhere).

I'm sorry that it seems that you're in a similar, POS jurisdiction. I was really hoping that things would turn out for your nephew. It's really angering, especially the "not really bad/not bad enough" attitude. Really? Abuse is abuse is abuse, and if you see anything, it's going to be worse when you aren't there to see it (directed not at you).

Please keep an eye on him if at all possible. I'm not a praying person at all, but I'm really hoping/wishing that he gets out of that situation. It's not your fault at all; you did what you legally could. If you took him yourself, you'd be arrested. Then possibly no one would be there who actually cares. You are doing everything that you can, so please don't beat yourself up.

[archangelbeth]

I don't know what kind of investigation went on, and this is most definitely a crappy thing to do that can only cause family resentment in the short term (and maybe the long term), but it is possible you might bluff your sister with, "If you don't let me see my nephew and niece at least occasionally, I will call child services on you again." I'd use that as a last resort, if at all.

If the kid has any other caregivers, especially daycare or kindergarten, then definitely alert them that you saw that and ask them to be extra-vigilant.

*hugs*

[rebeccagrace.livejournal.com]

I'm afraid that I might have made everything worse. I just talked to my mom, who confessed that she did talk to the cps workers and told them that she didn't see anything. She also said that the other things she had seen weren't that bad. She told them that she's seen them make him stand in a corner with his hands up on the wall for a long time, for misbehaving. She told me that she told them these things, but apparently it wasn't enough. I don't even know. My mom is rather upset at me right now for the whole reporting thing anyway. She said it was my fault this whole thing happened for a "simple pop on the tummy". Now I feel like I have irrevocably broken things because I reported. No one else is taking it seriously...I am starting to feel as if I am crazy. Where were the people who said they've seen things too? Why didn't they tell them what they saw? When will it be "bad" enough to warrant help from them? I am caught in the middle and so devastated right now. I feel like I am the only person who even tried to do the right thing. I'm still getting crap from my mom about what happened on Thanksgiving, and my sister is the one who not only started it, but reported it! My mom says it's very selfish of my husband to want to press charges against her, and she maintains that what my sister has been doing is not that bad, and that "all parents do it." This is really causing me some serious anxiety here. IDEK. I...just....argh.

[rebeccagrace.livejournal.com]

Also, I wanted to thank you all for your words of encouragement. I am deeply grateful.

[msmoonshade.livejournal.com]

It will be hard, but I think the best thing to do would be to cut ties with your family - for now. You can't win in this situation and your mother is being selfish and manipulative by not backing your play AND trying to convince your husband to not file charges against your sister. She physically attacked your husband. That's way more drama than anyone should have to deal with. You did what you thought was right for your nephew and that's all you can really do for now. Listen, no one should get a pass for treating you like shit just because they are family. For your own sanity it may be best to give them all a wide birth. Focus on your own life and make that what you want it to be - that is totally in your control. The rest is out of your hands unfortunately. :/

[storychick.livejournal.com]

Keep this in mind -- one report doesn't make a track record. But if she gets reported again -- and she will, if she keeps it up -- then there is a history there. After 2 or maybe 3 reports, there is corroboration. And in the meantime, she knows she is being watched, so she may well be on better behavior. Please don't think you failed, you did the right thing and it is unfortunate it played out the way it did, but that wasn't in your control. You did what you could do, and can hold your head high because of it.

I'm sorry you are having to deal with backlash from your family. Sometimes people don't like what they see in other people's eyes, but that is on them, not you. You can be confident and know you did right, and they are just feeling guilty because they can't.

[killertatertots.livejournal.com]

do you know anyone else that for sure saw things happen? call them and lay it out, explain that they need to grow a conscience and call in.

[rosehustle1.livejournal.com]

You haven't failed him, the rest of the family has. You did a brave thing and tried to protect a little boy. I'm sure when he grows up he'll remember that you were there for him when no one else was. He'll probably feel betrayed by the other adults but he'll trust you.
My advice would be to record everything you see take place. Write down dates and times and thorough descriptions. Also if you could secretly record some of these violent encounters you would have more concrete evidence. I suggest you also contact a child abuse advocate who can steer you in the right legal direction. Do not give up.