a question for older women or anyone with info

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I am 42 and I see a big difference now in regard to my vaginal discharge when aroused. I know I will never have what I had at 20 or 30 but it's not the same, during arousal I do have discharge (depending on my level of arousal this may be little to a lot) mostly it's somewhere in between but I've found that after the fact (after orgasm, no matter what state of arousal) it comes out a lot sometimes leaving me to think where were you during. I have no idea why this is and was wondering why this is and if any other women who are in my age range experience this.

Also, I've always heard women peek at 40 which was not my case at all. My sex drive was the strongest between 13 and early 30s - is this "peeking at 40" a myth? I know women who have told me "oh at 40 and beyond I became so sexual and my sex drive went through the roof" which is not true for me at all.

Also I was never one for cuddling, though if a partner wanted to cuddle I did, but now I'm more into cuddling and being sensual. I still love sex don't get me wrong but the experience of sex includes things I never felt was really necessary for me. People have always told me my outlook on sex was more male than female which I agree with, so all this is something that's very foreign to me, thus it's confusing as to why I feel this way now.

I was told by my doctor it could be the start of menopause, I often wonder if in 10 years will I be dried up and just want to cuddle which is a frightening thought.

Any women have advice, information or any older women who are willing to share would be very helpful? Because I do worry about this.

Comments

[onevoiceinside.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this applies to me because i'm 29 but i can definitely relate to what you're going through. I think there's statistic evidence regarding women and sexuality but also it depends on the woman. i think that as long as you want to be sexually active, there's no reason why you can't be at any age. sometimes womens' emotional needs change and maybe yours are just changing. instead of being confused, just be accepting of what you are craving. snuggling is very important, it releases oxytocin which is the same chemical found in chocolate which releases endorphines which makes you happy. so if it makes you happy to snuggle with a trusted partner then by all means, do so.

i am 29 and have had a lot of problems with my reproductive organs in the past couple years. i notice a lot more discharge before/after my periods than i used to and i have ovarian cysts which come and go and when they are present they hurt a lot which brings on more discharge than normal and heavier periods. it sucks because it's been at least 2 years since i've felt "normal" and i think that this is going to be my new normal from now on.

i hope i have helped, at least a little bit. take care.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your issues, I've heard ovarian cysts are very painful {{{hugs}}} - my emotions are all over the place I don't know if it's hormonal or just me being depressed and walking into a new phase of my life. I'm confused because I always had a strong sex drive and my body matched that, when you get used to it and it changes it's a bit frightening because you have no idea why and if things will be better.

I have to see a doctor to get my hormones checked and if it's that I do believe there are other factors such as the depression I mentioned (which I'm on meds for) - which also change your sex drive but I went through that with them and it came back so I doubt it's still the meds.

Thanks for sharing :) and I hope all goes well with you.

[digitaljenni.livejournal.com]

It is possible that it might not be age related, things like thyroid issues can have an effect on this! This is something that changed for me in my mid-20's due to developing Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I had everything checked about 6 months ago including the thyroid (for an unrelated issue) - everything is fine. But thanks for the input :)

[keptgirl.livejournal.com]

I am very wet and feel it's raw vegan, colon cleansing and detoxifying, exercise as well as using maca smoothies to balance my hormones.

I am actually a lot more orgasmic and wet now than I have ever been; and I've always had a high sex drive.

I'm actually 51 (most people think I'm in my early forties so don't tell anyone.) ... fasting, a raw vegan diet high in fresh greens and good fats--like coconut oil--along with maca or you can also really get amazing results with Dong Quai root.

Let me know if you want to know more. I haven't entered menopause at all but my menses have changed some.

My point of view is that I'm on a "reverse the clock" journey for a while now that I've begun a series of colon cleanses and gallbladder flushes. I just stopped drinking black coffee and am focusing on wellness but that includes erasing wrinkles.

I don't like cuddling much because if I'm seeing someone I prefer it to be a sexual relationship. Otherwise it's platonic, I figure. And at that point I'm already really busy with community and work.

Also it's worth mentioning that I have my hands on people all day, six days a week doing bodywork so maybe that's why my needs for cuddling are way down on the bottom of the list and my needs for sex are way high.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I would love to know more but doubt I could say on a raw vegan diet and as for colon cleansing I've heard they are dangerous because you don't need to be a doctor to do it. I really don't want anything or anyone near there who isn't a doctor.

I'm not in a relationship and haven't been in one for a while, well since my ex who cheated on me dumped me, so I haven't been sexual with anyone but myself for sometime maybe I like the idea of cuddling now.

Do you mind if I friend you?

on doctors

[keptgirl.livejournal.com]

This is a huge pet peeve of mine (but I'm a lot more mellow about it no worries) you see, "doctors" --western medical doctors of the mainstream -- are not trained in how nature heals. They are trained in pathology and the solutions are medications and surgery. That's their toolbox.

Whereas I wouldn't blindly go to just any colon hydrotherapist --I'd look for one with references, a lot of experience and expertise-- the colon hydrotherapist actually knows more (with all respect) than the medical establishment. They memorize every twist and turn of the colon and the one I go to knows all the special reflex points, sort of like reflexology points on the feet, but these are in the colon.

Besides, think about it. It's just water. You're rinsing inside out with water.

I noticed in another post you mention RA ... this condition is worth trying the greens juicing and green smoothies program with colon cleanse to alkalinize. IMHO.

But, anyways, you can clean your colon at home too.

I'm struggling with compulsive eating and overeating. I have a very addictive personality. I'm going to get back into my juices starting now. :-)

I just finished a dinner which I was guest chef for and now that it's over I can at least clear my kitchen of snacks and munchies and get on with my life. Ha ha.

I'm sorry about your break-up. Me, too.

About the friending. I'd be happy to, but mine is mostly about Master/slave relationships, erotic control and other poetic lovely rants. Sometimes not so lovely notice the header "It matters not that I write beautifully, only that I write."

So, I appreciate you asking and I will friend you as long as you know going into it that my worldview might seem odd to you. :-)

And hope you can sort of live and let live with that and same here for whatever you are into, including if you don't like white people who take pictures of their tomatos. :-)

I loved that post of yours, btw, and would never take offense to hear more of that sort of refreshing stuff ... even when I'm the opposite or exactly what you are ranting about.

Still want to friend me?

Re: on doctors

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

Maybe I will try a colon hydrotherapist, but I know no one in NYC who does this, so if you have any advice let me know.

As for food, I also compulsive eating when when I'm stressed or sad or depression - just about any bad emotional reason on top of it I'm Italian and my culture has taught me to eat for whatever reason (happy, sad, lonely, etc) I definitely need to start eating right or rather start a healthy eating life style. Here I am talking about a healthy eating life after I just ate M & Ms and I'm smoking a cigarette (another bad habit/addiction I need to rid myself of).

I understand the Master/slave relationship dynamic, I dated one person who was into role playing (which I love) not really BDSM but a sub-culture of it and one who was into BDSM very seriously. In both cases I was a novice and in the BDSM case I had no idea what it was all about, plus she wanted 24/7 which I also had no idea about even though she said 24/7 I didn't actually think it was 24/7 lol. Plus I have many friends in the NYC Leather/Fetish/BDSM communities, so whatever you write I probably heard it before, seen it, have friends who are into or did it. As for pics of food on your journal is not a problem with me - that was mainly a jab and laugh at some former LJ friends although I still don't get it lol. I also don't get cosplay photography - Give me a pic of an apple any day of the week over that garbage.

I have to warn you, I can be harsh on my journal. In many areas I think very differently from most people and I'm not frightened to express my view(s). A lot of people have unfriended me because of this, I'm not very "popular" because of this.

As for weird Jews, yeah I left because of some Christmas thread that I felt I was being attacked on. I'm agnostic and dislike all holidays nor any religion with it's cultural systems, belief systems, and worldviews mainly because I don't want to be told how I should live and what's "right" or "wrong" - I do believe that if there is a higher power he or she or it has much more important things to do then keep tabs on everyone's personal life. Plus I offended some people there when I said, I was in a relationship with two Jewish women and for one woman I was going to lie to a Rabbi to convert (it as her idea, just to please her family) - they got over the lesbian thing but felt if we were going to be together I had to convert - which was fine by me. But the thread turned out to be about how I didn't understand the faith which I'm sure I don't, I don't understand the faith I was raised in too (Roman Catholic) but then it got heated and I left.

So yeah I still want to friend you, but do you want to friend me lol?

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

I think there are way too many factors involved in female sexuality to make a universal statement like "women peak in their 40s." Some women do, some don't. I think I peaked in my 30s in terms of libido but the sex I have now--while less frequent--is extremely satisfying in terms of quality.

I'm almost 41 and I definitely don't lubricate as much as I used to. I'm also a lot like you in that I used to have a very "male" attitude about sex (had lots of casual sex, didn't require a lot of emotional connection or cuddling, could get aroused really easily) but now I'm only interested in sex with someone I love and I'm much more into the snuggling. I think part of it is simply that I've explored a lot sexually and just don't find it as fulfilling anymore without the deeper connection.

Menopause can definitely lead to more dryness. Having sex regularly can help some, but if not lube is cheap and plentiful. :-) Plenty of post-menopausal women have amazing and fulfilling sex lives so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

What I have learned is that your sexuality *will* change over time, and not always in ways you expect or particularly want. Don't get too stuck on trying to be the sexual person you used to be or you won't see all the great things about the sexual person you are becoming. If you find that cuddling and sensuality are more pleasurable to you than they used to be, then explore and enjoy those things rather than worrying about why you suddenly want them.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

See the thing with me is that I never had casual sex, I only had sex with people I was in a relationship with and the last one was a LT relationship that ended very bad. It hurt me for 2 or 3 years where even masturbating was stressful because it reminded me of my relationship. I did have a strong sex drive and a male atitude but I needed that emotional connection (relationship) to be sexual, though cuddling and stuff was not for me.

As I stated in an answer above I haven't been with anyone since my relationship broke up and although I am no longer in love with said person, though I feel something inside me changed. Now as I age, I'm finding my body is also changing and it frightens me - plus now I have to finally after 5+ years go back into the dating scene and that doesn't make me feel much better, especially since I am a gay woman and the lesbian/gay community is full of 20-something models.

[begintohope.livejournal.com]

Disclaimer: I'm only 19 so my opinion might not mean anything to you! However, I've been fascinated by sexuality since I was a kid & have frequent conversations with my 56-year-old mom about her experiences in comparison to my own.

I've heard that women's peak is supposedly at age 36 on average. (Note that this is an average, meaning you could totally peak way earlier, way later, or both!) Recently I read a theory somewhere that the reason this happens (other than hormonal factors?) is that the vaginal walls get thinner as you age, so if you're G-spot's been really buried in there your whole life, it's around this time that you might start to get more sensation out of stimulating it.

As for the issue of your lubricant (or lack thereof) - I'm not sure what kind of sex you're having, so it's hard to tell whether you're already naturally doing this, but it might be a good idea for you or your partner to find the wettest spot inside you (once you're already turned on) & try to spread some lube around from there. I sometimes find that my lubrication pools inside me in a certain spot, leaving my opening comparitively dry, which can make penetration annoyingly difficult even if I'm super turned on. It needs to be spread around a bit.

Beyond that - there's nothing wrong with using store-bought lube! I know tons of people who use large amounts of lube every time they have sex & say it has positively & massively changed the way they feel about sex. Just make sure you get a kind that works for you (i.e. no glycerine or other yeast-infection-provoking ingredients; no oil-based lubes if you plan to use condoms, etc).

[begintohope.livejournal.com]

*YOUR G-spot, not you're. agh.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I respect anyone's opinion or advice, age doesn't matter so being 19 isn't a problem for me. I'm a gay woman and my sex life right now is me lol. As I mentioned to a few replies here I was in a long term relationship in which I was lied to, cheated on and at the end (maybe the last 2 months verbally abused) and my life as I knew it ended. Because this was a person I thought loved me, she wanted to have a child as did I and we were (as far as I thought and what she was telling me) building a life together.

For about 2 years masturbating was hard because it reminded me of our relationship though I am now 5+ years after not in love anymore with said person but looking at having to go back into the dating scene and restarting everything and this in itself is frightening. I keep thinking no one will ever love me and on top of it my body because of age is changing which is making my emotions go all over the place. I hate to think well here I am at 42 having to go into the NYC lesbian and gay dating scene which is full of 20-something models with a body that I no longer am sure how it will react sexually.

I am on meds for depression and I know they lower sex drive but I have been on them and I'm over that phase (it came back), I actually enjoyed that phase because I did not have a partner, now not so much because I do have a sex drive (not the same but it's there).

As for a g-spot I have never found mine nor anyone elses, I have no idea where it is. I have tried with myself and people and never found it. please nowadays I'm not really into penetration, I was into it a lot at one time but haven't been a fan for awhile now. Maybe I should try it.

Thanks for sharing and for the advice.

P.S. for some reason, maybe because now I might need it - lube scares me lol. God from this reply I sound as if I'm just living in fear which makes me think perhaps I am and maybe that's a major issue in my case.

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

I wonder if maybe the antidepressants are contributing to the low lubrication. Even if you got your libido back up there could still be other sexual effects of them.

If your sex life right now is just you then it's the perfect time to experiment with lube! You don't have to worry about what anyone else thinks and if you don't like a particular one you can jump up and shower it off right away.

Change is always scary, especially when it's your body changing and it's out of your control! So fear is a pretty natural response. However, I think you can view this as an opportunity to explore activities/sensations you may not have been interested in before. Your body is changing but not all of them have to be negative. If you suddenly enjoy cuddling, then cuddle! No need to figure out why you suddenly want that. Perhaps you could look at this period of your life as one of experimentation and exploration, relearning what you enjoy and maybe adding in things you wouldn't have considered before.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

Yeah it could, but porno seems to be working for me now. I was prono'ed out for sometime but I've found since posting this entry that I'm into porno again - so I guess for now that's helping. Lube is still a bit scary for some reason for me.

[archangelbeth]

I just hit the 40 mark (and where is my fast mount, darnit? I want my fast mount! and when I'm 60, I expect a flying mount!), and I haven't really noticed much different of my libido that hasn't been there since I had a kid. (Having a kid makes for interrupted time, and that's even when they're older... (*spousal smooching* Phone: *ring ring* School: "Your kid forgot her class folder that has her vitally important homework in it...") Also, it's harder to lose the Mommy Brain that's busy thinking of everything that needs doing.)

If it's financially feasible, I'd do a hormone check -- estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and thyroid, yes! -- if only to relieve any anxiousness you might have.

As for the rest? Well, sensuality's nice, too, honest! O:> If you keep up sexual activities and are intellectually turned on by them, then even if you do wind up needing commercial lube, you probably won't wind up just wanting to cuddle.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I had my thyroid checked (for an unrelated issue) everything was ok but my doctor does want to do the hormone check. If you read through this tread you'll find there's many reasons why I am feeling this way, I just don't know which one is the "main" one.

Hats off to you, being a Mommy is the hardest job in the world. I don't have children but my sisters do and my niece's do and having my great nieces or nephews for a day or two poops me out. Mom's of the world should get an award because you never get any time for yourself with a child. This is also a sore spot for me because with my ex we (well I was planning to) have a child (my ex was just lying to me about wanting one (well with me anyway), so I do feel sad in this area but life has to go on.

As I stated, there is a number of reasons I came up with, just by reading the replies as to why I am feeling this way (age is only one of many things that can be causing it).

[adriana-is.livejournal.com]

I'm in my 50's and I still have moisture and desire so whoever keeps stating that women "peak" at a certain age needs to shut the fuck up. ;)

You may be peri-menopausal but that's not something to worry about either unless other symptoms start to display (abnormal bleeding, spotting in between periods, etc) then go to your OB-GYN asap. If this is something that really concerns you, talk to your OBGYN. I have an amazing OBGYN and she answers all my questions.

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

"so whoever keeps stating that women "peak" at a certain age needs to shut the fuck up."

Seriously, I heard that my whole life and when I was younger and had a high high sex drive I thought WOW can't wait for 40 lol.

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

I'm in my 50's and I still have moisture and desire so whoever keeps stating that women "peak" at a certain age needs to shut the fuck up. ;

I think I love you!

Some women maintain a high sex drive their whole lives. Some never have one at all. I had a definite peak in my 30s and a huge dip in the past few years, but I'm on the upswing again. Why should I limit myself to just one peak? Maybe I can have another. I'm sure not going to close my mind to the possibility!

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

"I think I love you!"

lol thanks - I'm still wishing for another peak but it seems to be over (at least for the "peek" we get in our teens/early 20s) but I think another peek is on it's way at least somewhere down the line. I believe!!!!!

[patchworkorange]

I am 41. I have noticed a change in my lubrication, but you also have to keep in mind that I recently had a hysterectomy and I've been battling BV for about 2.5 yrs. Sometimes I can't remember what a normal vagina feels like :)

I would say my sex drive peaked a couple of yrs ago. But again, I consider myself still healing. My sex as it is, is great. Never better actually. If I was stuck with this difficult vagina and this sex with it's exquisite orgasms for the rest of my life, I'm good :D

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

lol more power to you. The change in lubrication is a shock even though you're told you're entire life it's coming.