a question for older women or anyone with info

[iconotakeu.livejournal.com]

I am 42 and I see a big difference now in regard to my vaginal discharge when aroused. I know I will never have what I had at 20 or 30 but it's not the same, during arousal I do have discharge (depending on my level of arousal this may be little to a lot) mostly it's somewhere in between but I've found that after the fact (after orgasm, no matter what state of arousal) it comes out a lot sometimes leaving me to think where were you during. I have no idea why this is and was wondering why this is and if any other women who are in my age range experience this.

Also, I've always heard women peek at 40 which was not my case at all. My sex drive was the strongest between 13 and early 30s - is this "peeking at 40" a myth? I know women who have told me "oh at 40 and beyond I became so sexual and my sex drive went through the roof" which is not true for me at all.

Also I was never one for cuddling, though if a partner wanted to cuddle I did, but now I'm more into cuddling and being sensual. I still love sex don't get me wrong but the experience of sex includes things I never felt was really necessary for me. People have always told me my outlook on sex was more male than female which I agree with, so all this is something that's very foreign to me, thus it's confusing as to why I feel this way now.

I was told by my doctor it could be the start of menopause, I often wonder if in 10 years will I be dried up and just want to cuddle which is a frightening thought.

Any women have advice, information or any older women who are willing to share would be very helpful? Because I do worry about this.

Comments

[onevoiceinside.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if this applies to me because i'm 29 but i can definitely relate to what you're going through. I think there's statistic evidence regarding women and sexuality but also it depends on the woman. i think that as long as you want to be sexually active, there's no reason why you can't be at any age. sometimes womens' emotional needs change and maybe yours are just changing. instead of being confused, just be accepting of what you are craving. snuggling is very important, it releases oxytocin which is the same chemical found in chocolate which releases endorphines which makes you happy. so if it makes you happy to snuggle with a trusted partner then by all means, do so.

i am 29 and have had a lot of problems with my reproductive organs in the past couple years. i notice a lot more discharge before/after my periods than i used to and i have ovarian cysts which come and go and when they are present they hurt a lot which brings on more discharge than normal and heavier periods. it sucks because it's been at least 2 years since i've felt "normal" and i think that this is going to be my new normal from now on.

i hope i have helped, at least a little bit. take care.

[digitaljenni.livejournal.com]

It is possible that it might not be age related, things like thyroid issues can have an effect on this! This is something that changed for me in my mid-20's due to developing Hashimoto's Thyroiditis.

[keptgirl.livejournal.com]

I am very wet and feel it's raw vegan, colon cleansing and detoxifying, exercise as well as using maca smoothies to balance my hormones.

I am actually a lot more orgasmic and wet now than I have ever been; and I've always had a high sex drive.

I'm actually 51 (most people think I'm in my early forties so don't tell anyone.) ... fasting, a raw vegan diet high in fresh greens and good fats--like coconut oil--along with maca or you can also really get amazing results with Dong Quai root.

Let me know if you want to know more. I haven't entered menopause at all but my menses have changed some.

My point of view is that I'm on a "reverse the clock" journey for a while now that I've begun a series of colon cleanses and gallbladder flushes. I just stopped drinking black coffee and am focusing on wellness but that includes erasing wrinkles.

I don't like cuddling much because if I'm seeing someone I prefer it to be a sexual relationship. Otherwise it's platonic, I figure. And at that point I'm already really busy with community and work.

Also it's worth mentioning that I have my hands on people all day, six days a week doing bodywork so maybe that's why my needs for cuddling are way down on the bottom of the list and my needs for sex are way high.

[red-girl-42.livejournal.com]

I think there are way too many factors involved in female sexuality to make a universal statement like "women peak in their 40s." Some women do, some don't. I think I peaked in my 30s in terms of libido but the sex I have now--while less frequent--is extremely satisfying in terms of quality.

I'm almost 41 and I definitely don't lubricate as much as I used to. I'm also a lot like you in that I used to have a very "male" attitude about sex (had lots of casual sex, didn't require a lot of emotional connection or cuddling, could get aroused really easily) but now I'm only interested in sex with someone I love and I'm much more into the snuggling. I think part of it is simply that I've explored a lot sexually and just don't find it as fulfilling anymore without the deeper connection.

Menopause can definitely lead to more dryness. Having sex regularly can help some, but if not lube is cheap and plentiful. :-) Plenty of post-menopausal women have amazing and fulfilling sex lives so I wouldn't worry about that too much.

What I have learned is that your sexuality *will* change over time, and not always in ways you expect or particularly want. Don't get too stuck on trying to be the sexual person you used to be or you won't see all the great things about the sexual person you are becoming. If you find that cuddling and sensuality are more pleasurable to you than they used to be, then explore and enjoy those things rather than worrying about why you suddenly want them.

[begintohope.livejournal.com]

Disclaimer: I'm only 19 so my opinion might not mean anything to you! However, I've been fascinated by sexuality since I was a kid & have frequent conversations with my 56-year-old mom about her experiences in comparison to my own.

I've heard that women's peak is supposedly at age 36 on average. (Note that this is an average, meaning you could totally peak way earlier, way later, or both!) Recently I read a theory somewhere that the reason this happens (other than hormonal factors?) is that the vaginal walls get thinner as you age, so if you're G-spot's been really buried in there your whole life, it's around this time that you might start to get more sensation out of stimulating it.

As for the issue of your lubricant (or lack thereof) - I'm not sure what kind of sex you're having, so it's hard to tell whether you're already naturally doing this, but it might be a good idea for you or your partner to find the wettest spot inside you (once you're already turned on) & try to spread some lube around from there. I sometimes find that my lubrication pools inside me in a certain spot, leaving my opening comparitively dry, which can make penetration annoyingly difficult even if I'm super turned on. It needs to be spread around a bit.

Beyond that - there's nothing wrong with using store-bought lube! I know tons of people who use large amounts of lube every time they have sex & say it has positively & massively changed the way they feel about sex. Just make sure you get a kind that works for you (i.e. no glycerine or other yeast-infection-provoking ingredients; no oil-based lubes if you plan to use condoms, etc).

[archangelbeth]

I just hit the 40 mark (and where is my fast mount, darnit? I want my fast mount! and when I'm 60, I expect a flying mount!), and I haven't really noticed much different of my libido that hasn't been there since I had a kid. (Having a kid makes for interrupted time, and that's even when they're older... (*spousal smooching* Phone: *ring ring* School: "Your kid forgot her class folder that has her vitally important homework in it...") Also, it's harder to lose the Mommy Brain that's busy thinking of everything that needs doing.)

If it's financially feasible, I'd do a hormone check -- estrogen, progesterone, testosterone, and thyroid, yes! -- if only to relieve any anxiousness you might have.

As for the rest? Well, sensuality's nice, too, honest! O:> If you keep up sexual activities and are intellectually turned on by them, then even if you do wind up needing commercial lube, you probably won't wind up just wanting to cuddle.

[adriana-is.livejournal.com]

I'm in my 50's and I still have moisture and desire so whoever keeps stating that women "peak" at a certain age needs to shut the fuck up. ;)

You may be peri-menopausal but that's not something to worry about either unless other symptoms start to display (abnormal bleeding, spotting in between periods, etc) then go to your OB-GYN asap. If this is something that really concerns you, talk to your OBGYN. I have an amazing OBGYN and she answers all my questions.

[patchworkorange]

I am 41. I have noticed a change in my lubrication, but you also have to keep in mind that I recently had a hysterectomy and I've been battling BV for about 2.5 yrs. Sometimes I can't remember what a normal vagina feels like :)

I would say my sex drive peaked a couple of yrs ago. But again, I consider myself still healing. My sex as it is, is great. Never better actually. If I was stuck with this difficult vagina and this sex with it's exquisite orgasms for the rest of my life, I'm good :D