Question...

[ldygabilan.livejournal.com]

Why doesn't my boyfriend want to have sex with me. I mean... we fool around and do sexual things. But, the actual ACT of sex doesn't seem appealing to him anymore.. ever.

He'll go down on me, use the vibrator on me and he'll even jack off to me. But, he hasn't been in the mood for actual intercourse in what seems like weeks.

It's all fun when he does that other stuff to me.. but I really would just to have him, you know? What can I do? Is this my fault??

Comments

[quixotic.livejournal.com]

it's not your fault.

the only thing that you can do is talk to him about it. try to get to the root of the issue. is he tired? does he have issues with receiving pleasure? is he worried about his performance? there are many things it can be, and the only way to get through it is to talk.

-a

[ldygabilan.livejournal.com]

We've talked about it a few times. He says sometimes he just likes to get off a certain way.

I don't know really what it is.. I guess I could see that. But, I can't help but wonder if what if he doesn't really love me as much as he thought he did when we first started getting serious and his subconscience is giving him guilt and so it's hard for him to actually go through the act of making love since he knows how much that's a symbol to me?

Although, he says he loves me.. I'm just a paranoid freak. heh.

[simian.livejournal.com]

yeah, don't complicate it too much. I can understand his point of view though, even though I'm a woman...

Even though sex with my boyfriend is very satisfying, sometimes I'd prefer just to have oral sex (or 69 with him), or just spend some time w/ myself and a dirty story website :P Other times, I'd rather just give and not receive myself.

If really varies due to stress, energy level, and just horniness at the time. He's probably like that.

I'd say don't stress too much over it, unless he starts ignoring you in other ways too.

[quixotic.livejournal.com]

does he know the way that not having sex makes you feel?

unless he does other things that would suggest that he doesn't love you, i wouldn't read that much into his not wanting to have sex.

-a

[ldygabilan.livejournal.com]

You're probably right.

I'll talk to him about it though, but I'll just let him know how it makes me feel just to double check that there really isn't anything going on inside of his head that he's been trying not to show me.

[bohica-susfu.livejournal.com]

Yeah, that's definately something you need to bring up with your partner. It might be nothing, it might be something major, you never know until you ask. Try to avoid making him feel cornered, though. I wouldn't recommend busting right out with "You don't want to have sex with me", I would instead try something along the lines of "It feels like we never have sex anymore, and I really miss it." See where it goes from there.

Best of luck to you, I know how disconcerning it can be.

[inkster.livejournal.com]

I agree with the talking to him part. The only way you'll know his side of things to ask him.

And because a lot of men (and women) can get defensive about that sort of thing, try to tell him how you're feeling about things and how you see things and then ask for his side of things. If you keep it so that you're just telling him how you feel, rather than pointing out all the things that he's doing wrong or accidentally accusing him of things, it's a lot easier to keep a nice discussion going because he hopefully won't feel defensive.

Examples are, "I feel that I'm less attractive to you" instead of "you find me less attractive" and stuff like that.

Good luck!

[privatized.livejournal.com]

I have a current partner who will on occasion have intercourse, but mostly prefers all other sexual activity, because he feels a sense of guilt with intercourse. Everyone is different. What's going on with him may be something psychological, or physical (some guys can most easily orgasm under one kind of stimulation). Whatever it is, it's not your fault. You gotta allow people to have their sexual quirks, but if you're in a close relationship with someone, there may be ways of compromising where everyone will be happy.

[kreie.livejournal.com]

Some guys just aren't into intercourse. When I met my husband we only had penetrative sex, like, once in three months, because he vastly preferred other things to wearing a jimmy hat or getting someone he was in a fresh relationship with pregnant or... yeah.

[ldygabilan.livejournal.com]

The thing that confuses me is that we used to have it like 3 times a day and we couldn't get enough of each other. I mean, we used just lay around naked all day because we knew we'd be having sex again in an hour or so. Suddenly, everything's changed.

[mejane-83.livejournal.com]

The EXACT same thing happend to me and my fiance.

One of the signs that a man is cheating is a sudden change in how much you have sex ie if you have sex all the time, it's all of a sudden none.. or if it was hardley ever, it's all the time!

I was SURE he was cheating on me.

I talked to him about it the other night. Turns out he has jock itch and was embarassed to tell me, so he just wanted to wait until it healed up.

I put myself through so much resentment and I got SO angry at him for something he wasn't even doing.

Just talk to him.

[jenny-rambles.livejournal.com]

He could be tired or stressed - or both. If hes going through a lot of things in life - family, work, tragic pet things (is it ok to use what I know?) thats going to affect him too.
When my husband and I were first having sex we were like rabbits! Now its "other things" during the week (sexual - but rarely actual sex). Sex onthe weekends when hes had a little time to recover from what the army puts him through in a work day!
We've talked about it - and its nothing to do with me, or him - or his opinions of sex. Hes just tired and stressed and knows he has to get up at 4:30am and work his ass off. :)
If it was you he wouldn't want to do ANYTHING with you ~ especially stuff like going down on you, which is quite intimate.