"Protected Sex" and ageism... wow, this became a rant.

[natane.livejournal.com]

just a thought...
the phrase "protected sex" really bothers me because i think it's a misleading term.

most of the time, "protected" really connotates "sex with a condom" (or dental dam, but i'm speaking from a perspective of someone who has had sex only with men, so bear with me on this). at least in my experience.

it implies that sex minus a condom is sex with a risk of STDs (which is true in some cases but not in all). sex without a barrier method, no matter the situation, is defined as "unsafe". so no matter what you may use besides a barrier method and how committed of a relationship you may be in, you're having "unprotected" sex and not being "safe".

by extension, barrier methods are seen as the only "safe" way (pregnancy-proof), which kinda annoys me, because you can have sex without a barrier method and not get pregnant. there's about 242556554 other methods of not getting pregnant besides a condom. some of which work much better than condoms!
I apologize for the misleading statistic in this paragraph. I was not trying to provide incorrect information, it was merely a typo. I have removed it since others have more detailed explanations in the comments. Thanks.

ugh. i don't know. it just seems like a really prejudiced and limiting term to me. and i'm getting really sick of being tutted at for having "unprotected" sex by various doctors (all of whom have KNOWN i was on birth control). yes, i didn't use a freaking condom. that doesn't mean i'm unintelligent, being "unsafe", or wantonly risking STDs or pregnancy. yes, i know what they are. yes, i know how to use one. yes, i know the benefits of condoms (and the risks and drawbacks). yes, i can stand up to my boyfriend and tell him to use one, please do not advise me on how to do so.

although some of that attitude, i think, is based on the fact that i'm 18, and therefore, of course, couldn't
- have a committed relationships. cause, ya know, us teenagers just go from relationship to relationship and cheat on each other all the time, and know nothing about fidelity or serious relationships. i'm just sleeping with the entire football team.
- in which both of us are STD free. cause of course we'd be too immature to think about stuff like that, and stay safe and get tested. and all teenage boys are cheating on their girlfriends because they have that masculine high sex drive *gags*, so i should be making him use a condom cause he'll give me something!
- and have no risk of pregnancy*. because, you know, teenagers are all just having sex and half-assedly using the pull-out method, and half of the girls want to get preggers anyway, to keep the guy.

obviously i agree with none of the stereotypes i quoted above. i meant them in sarcasm.

i'm so sick of assumptions based on my age. if i was twenty-five, would doctors act in the same way towards my "unprotected" sex? possibly. probably not.

thoughts? apologies for turning this into a rant. it was at first just a thought about condoms and "protected sex" and i started thinking about instances in the past that emphasis has been put on condoms in my life.

* i will admit there are times in the past i have had a risk, or at least thought i had one, and did not use a condom - and hormonal birth control is not 100% foolproof. so i guess it's more of "an extremely low risk".

Comments

[natane.livejournal.com]

i made a typo, i have edited to reflect that and i apologize.

i feel that your tone here's a bit agressive, but i'll assume it's the internet fuzzing things. it does that sometimes.

actually, not all STDs are going to stay dormant for a year, unless i've really been educated badly. which is possible. and i'd like to see backup for that statistic - the one that half of all sexually active people have an STD. this would certainly depend on what was considered an STD, also.

yes, we have been tested, thanks for the concern. i have been in situations in the past where i did have condomless sex with someone who hasn't been tested, and as atlanta0jess says, i don't think that implies anything about my intelligence or the intelligence of my partner.

i disagree strongly. as a teenager, i can tell you they know more about condoms than anything else. this is because condoms are so heavily pushed (not in offical sex ed classes, but otherwise) and don't require a prescription, making it easier for many teens to obtain them than other types of pregnancy prevention. i have never met someone my age who doesn't know what a condom is and how to use it. never.

i have met very few people my age who know about other methods of pregnancy prevention, and the real statistics of condom failure or STD transmission rates. and i'm in an abstinence only state.

[natane.livejournal.com]

HPV is a harmless STD in most cases and the concensus i've seen is that if you've had sex, you most likely have it. that's why that stat bothered me.

i disagree. every sexually active person i know knows what a condom is and how to use it. no, i don't sit down and have a conversation specifically about it, but it comes up in conversation. i have met no teen that actually believes in the two-condom myth. it's in fact a joke among teens, in the sense that only a stupid person would use two.

again, i don't think i've ever heard the idea that a flavored condom is edible.

i've been around a lot of different teens, of different genders, financial and regional backgrounds, races, ages under 18, etc. i promise you, it's not just that i associate with a certain group of people. teens know about condoms.

that doesn't mean we see them as accessible, necessarily - they are expensive, which is hard when you don't have income of your own or are on a very limited income. it's also often hard to buy them simply because it's pretty obvious you're walking up to a register with condoms, and anyone can see. free condoms are offered in some places, but those can be troublesome to get to, too.

but they are, to a certain extent, more accessible than other pregnancy prevention methods. they don't require the consent or knowledge of parents, whereas for many teens, prescription birth control does, although it shouldn't. paying for it is really expensive and although some states subsidize it not all do. if you're on parental insurance that means getting their approval to get on it. and they're just more well-known. safe sex = sex with a condom. that message has been beaten into the heads of almost anyone in america at this point, i think.

[natane.livejournal.com]

** not that only a "stupid person" would actually use two, that's just the point of view i see.

and the flavored = edible idea would be overcome pretty quickly by anyone who's sexually active and using them... i think perhaps you're confusing myths from young adults or tweens who aren't sexually active or educated with the real views of those who are.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

... so why should doctors ever bring up ways to protect against STDs.

While I agree that there are plenty of people (regardless of age) who don't know comprehensive information about STIs or condoms, I don't see where natane was suggesting doctors should never bring up protection against STIs. Rather, the wording in her original post suggested she objected to being "tutted at" or otherwise negatively judged for making an informed choice not to use them.

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

It's a tricky thing, because I think knowledge of correct condom use really varies, probably by region as much as age. It's clear that most teens you know have been educated about condoms, and that's great! I wish that were the case for people, not just teens, anywhere. I know teens in the area I grew up in really don't know much at all about condoms, probably because of a lack of education in that particular school system, as well as other regional influences. I'd say it definitely varies! That said, you're right that it's unfair to assume that teens do not know about condoms or safer sex.

I'd argue that doctors should respectfully broach the subject with anyone who is sexually active, though possibly with an emphasis on the newly sexually active, which may translate to teens or younger people quite frequently. There's definitely a difference, though, between a health care professional treating you like you are inherently dumb or irresponsible and politely, respectfully asking if you need or would like any information on safer sex practices or if you have any questions, etc.

[natane.livejournal.com]

i think that in my generation, though, it's hard to NOT know about condoms - in the US at least. they have a definite media and societal presence. it does vary, i think, but not as much as popular myth about teenagers would like to have us believe.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I think the vast majority of teens do know about condoms. In my experience, though, the finer points of condom use -- as well as popular perception of condoms -- can vary a great deal.

In my role as a birth control and unplanned pregnancy counsellor at a feminist women's health clinic, I come into contact with enormous numbers of teens that are coming to us for contraception. My experience has been that popular perception towards condoms, including in that age group, varies enormously.

I think most do equate "condoms = safe sex." However, many of my clients come in with a whole bunch of negative ideas and messages about condoms -- everything from "my partner will leave me if I ask them to use condoms" to "condoms aren't at all effective." And I live in a province that has comprehensive sex education.

The difference between me and a health care practitioner is that I have the time and the specific guidance to be able to sit down and really talk with these teens -- we talk about their sexual activity, relationship status, we talk about what they already know, what they wish they knew more about, what their primary concerns are, things like that.

Because of that, I'm able to go into an appointment with a client really working with them to figure out the best strategies to meet their needs in terms of contraception and STI protection, and doing so in a way that makes them feel really empowered and responsible for their own choices.

I think what happens with some health care professionals is that, for either lack of time, or as a result of judgment from previous experience, or stereotyping, or personal views -- they can't or don't really have that conversation, and really spend the time to get to know their clients, their clients' needs, and respect those needs.

And that can be a big problem, I think.

[there-she-went.livejournal.com]

This doesn't make your friends an accurate cross-section of society any more than the friends of a rich kid in Beverly Hills is an accurate cross-section just because those are the only kids that kid associates with.

Wait, what? What are you implying here because I can tell you it's wrong with a large amount of certainty.

[natane.livejournal.com]

that those rich kids only associate with other rich kids.
it's not true at all.

[there-she-went.livejournal.com]

Yeah, it's really not. I don't have a single friend from Beverly Hills, and I'm from Beverly Hills!

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

I think all she's saying is that if you take any given person "A", the people that "A" knows are not going to be an accurate sample of the US/World/Whatever population at large. Which is almost certainly correct.

I, for example, know a disproportionately large number of people in Central New York. I know a disproportionately large number of highly educated people. I know a disproportionately large number of people who are on facebook. I know a disproportionately small number of people who are Christian, or Republican, or in poverty.

None of that is bad...it just has to do with the social circles in which we live, and the very real and inescapable fact that we are located in a specific geographic location, in a specific time. We cannot help but associate with a skewed sample of the population.

[kimie-catclaw.livejournal.com]

i have never met someone my age who doesn't know what a condom is and how to use it. never.

Whereas.. how many times a day do we get questions here in VP about how hormonal birth control works? Not just from teenagers, either.

[natane.livejournal.com]

exactly.
people ask questions about condoms when they have problems with them - breakage or allergies to latex or size issues.
they don't ask what they are, where they go, or what their purpose is. because they know.

i think it also has to do with the fact that condom companies have a pretty big image in the media (tv commercials especially!), whereas other pregnancy prevention methods, well, don't. besides hormonal birth control.

the closest i've ever seen as a question about condom usage is people asking how to put them on with their mouths (which i don't think i am nearly dexterous enough to manage, haha).