"Protected Sex" and ageism... wow, this became a rant.

[natane.livejournal.com]

just a thought...
the phrase "protected sex" really bothers me because i think it's a misleading term.

most of the time, "protected" really connotates "sex with a condom" (or dental dam, but i'm speaking from a perspective of someone who has had sex only with men, so bear with me on this). at least in my experience.

it implies that sex minus a condom is sex with a risk of STDs (which is true in some cases but not in all). sex without a barrier method, no matter the situation, is defined as "unsafe". so no matter what you may use besides a barrier method and how committed of a relationship you may be in, you're having "unprotected" sex and not being "safe".

by extension, barrier methods are seen as the only "safe" way (pregnancy-proof), which kinda annoys me, because you can have sex without a barrier method and not get pregnant. there's about 242556554 other methods of not getting pregnant besides a condom. some of which work much better than condoms!
I apologize for the misleading statistic in this paragraph. I was not trying to provide incorrect information, it was merely a typo. I have removed it since others have more detailed explanations in the comments. Thanks.

ugh. i don't know. it just seems like a really prejudiced and limiting term to me. and i'm getting really sick of being tutted at for having "unprotected" sex by various doctors (all of whom have KNOWN i was on birth control). yes, i didn't use a freaking condom. that doesn't mean i'm unintelligent, being "unsafe", or wantonly risking STDs or pregnancy. yes, i know what they are. yes, i know how to use one. yes, i know the benefits of condoms (and the risks and drawbacks). yes, i can stand up to my boyfriend and tell him to use one, please do not advise me on how to do so.

although some of that attitude, i think, is based on the fact that i'm 18, and therefore, of course, couldn't
- have a committed relationships. cause, ya know, us teenagers just go from relationship to relationship and cheat on each other all the time, and know nothing about fidelity or serious relationships. i'm just sleeping with the entire football team.
- in which both of us are STD free. cause of course we'd be too immature to think about stuff like that, and stay safe and get tested. and all teenage boys are cheating on their girlfriends because they have that masculine high sex drive *gags*, so i should be making him use a condom cause he'll give me something!
- and have no risk of pregnancy*. because, you know, teenagers are all just having sex and half-assedly using the pull-out method, and half of the girls want to get preggers anyway, to keep the guy.

obviously i agree with none of the stereotypes i quoted above. i meant them in sarcasm.

i'm so sick of assumptions based on my age. if i was twenty-five, would doctors act in the same way towards my "unprotected" sex? possibly. probably not.

thoughts? apologies for turning this into a rant. it was at first just a thought about condoms and "protected sex" and i started thinking about instances in the past that emphasis has been put on condoms in my life.

* i will admit there are times in the past i have had a risk, or at least thought i had one, and did not use a condom - and hormonal birth control is not 100% foolproof. so i guess it's more of "an extremely low risk".

Comments

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

It's a tricky thing, because I think knowledge of correct condom use really varies, probably by region as much as age. It's clear that most teens you know have been educated about condoms, and that's great! I wish that were the case for people, not just teens, anywhere. I know teens in the area I grew up in really don't know much at all about condoms, probably because of a lack of education in that particular school system, as well as other regional influences. I'd say it definitely varies! That said, you're right that it's unfair to assume that teens do not know about condoms or safer sex.

I'd argue that doctors should respectfully broach the subject with anyone who is sexually active, though possibly with an emphasis on the newly sexually active, which may translate to teens or younger people quite frequently. There's definitely a difference, though, between a health care professional treating you like you are inherently dumb or irresponsible and politely, respectfully asking if you need or would like any information on safer sex practices or if you have any questions, etc.

[natane.livejournal.com]

i think that in my generation, though, it's hard to NOT know about condoms - in the US at least. they have a definite media and societal presence. it does vary, i think, but not as much as popular myth about teenagers would like to have us believe.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I think the vast majority of teens do know about condoms. In my experience, though, the finer points of condom use -- as well as popular perception of condoms -- can vary a great deal.

In my role as a birth control and unplanned pregnancy counsellor at a feminist women's health clinic, I come into contact with enormous numbers of teens that are coming to us for contraception. My experience has been that popular perception towards condoms, including in that age group, varies enormously.

I think most do equate "condoms = safe sex." However, many of my clients come in with a whole bunch of negative ideas and messages about condoms -- everything from "my partner will leave me if I ask them to use condoms" to "condoms aren't at all effective." And I live in a province that has comprehensive sex education.

The difference between me and a health care practitioner is that I have the time and the specific guidance to be able to sit down and really talk with these teens -- we talk about their sexual activity, relationship status, we talk about what they already know, what they wish they knew more about, what their primary concerns are, things like that.

Because of that, I'm able to go into an appointment with a client really working with them to figure out the best strategies to meet their needs in terms of contraception and STI protection, and doing so in a way that makes them feel really empowered and responsible for their own choices.

I think what happens with some health care professionals is that, for either lack of time, or as a result of judgment from previous experience, or stereotyping, or personal views -- they can't or don't really have that conversation, and really spend the time to get to know their clients, their clients' needs, and respect those needs.

And that can be a big problem, I think.