Phobia of the Gyno

[worpeltinger.livejournal.com]

Hello everyone. I've been reading this community for a while and have finally come up with the courage to post my question here. My apologies in advance if this topic isn't appropriate for this forum but I haven't really found another place where I can ask my questions and I haven't found where they've been addressed in other areas on the web (or at least not with very helpful answers).

I've never really talked about these issues so there is a good deal of therapeutic rambling entangled in the following post.

From the ages of 7 to 16 I was sexually abused by a relative. Because of this I am very uncomfortable with being touched and I am very uncomfortable with nudity. I have a very supportive partner that I've been with for several years and he has helped me overcome some of these fears and I'm slowly getting more comfortable having sex and being intimate with him, but I haven't made any progress with doctors.

I'm 21 now, have always experienced very heavy periods with debilitating cramps. 2 years ago I finally worked up the courage to go to the gynecologist and get an exam to get some answers about my condition. I talked with the doctor, and told her that I had a history of SA, that I was very scared and have a mild case of ptsd. She said that she would keep that in mind during my exam so I decided to allow her to do a pelvic. As the exam started I became very uncomfortable and began to cry. It was very painful and I started experiencing flashbacks. I asked her to stop and she told me that she was almost done and refused to stop. After the exam she told me that the reason it had hurt so much was that I had been too tense and that if I loosened up it would have been more pleasant.

I left the office feeling extremely violated and betrayed. I had nightmares about the visit for about a year after it happened. It took about the same amount of time to become comfortable being sexual with my partner.

At that point I made an appointment with another gyno because my periods continued to get worse. This dr. was very nice during our appointments and she didn't push me to have a pelvic exam. I had to have a laparascopy to treat and diagnose my condition. A week after the surgery I had to have a follow-up to make sure that I was recovering properly. When I went in to my appointment the nurse told me that I had to undress. I had a brief panic attack, but decided to try to do it anyway since I felt I could trust this doctor. When the doctor came into the exam room she told me that she didn't have to do a pelvic and I was relieved. I asked her if I could get dressed and she I could when she was done. I understand that she's in a hurry, but she knew how uncomfortable I was with being undressed and she wouldn't leave for 30 seconds so I could get dressed. I was so uncomfortable that I was shaking the whole time she was explaining the surgery results to me that I don't even remember anything she told me. I went home and cried about it for the rest of the day and now have an extreme fear of going to the doctor.

Now I really need to go back to the doctor, my condition is starting to go downhill again because I haven't been treating it because I'm too scared to go to the doctor. I'm getting the feeling that doctors don't really understand how difficult these exams can be for people with a history of sexual abuse. I've tried to explain my situation. I try to cooperate, but it is difficult for me and it will take me some time to get comfortable with the situation. I just feel that if I were to find a medical professional who is more supportive I would be able to make more progress. I understand that I'm not the physician's only patient and they do not have a lot of free time to cater to one individual, i just feel that if I were to have a little more support and if I could find a doctor that would stop an exam if I got too uncomfortable or let me get dressed (or stay dressed) in situations when it's not necessary that I'm not undressed then I could be more comfortable with the situation. When the doctor didn't stop the exam I had a lot of the same feelings and emotions I had after I was raped. I'm sure she didn't intend for that to happen but that's the way it came across to me.

Have any of you experienced these issues? How do you talk to a doctor about them? Is this an unreasonable thing to ask of a doctor? After these experiences I'm completely paranoid about going back for an appointment but I am concerned about my health and I want to take care of myself. In addition to my worry about losing all control during the exam and having my requests ignored I'm worried that it will have a devastating impact on my relationship with my partner (because after both of these visits it took a long time to feel comfortable being with him again). If you had a fear of the gyno how did you deal with it?


thanks for the help and advice, I'm sorry this post was so long.  

Comments

[dipshtt3737.livejournal.com]

FYI your cut didn't work properly. Not sure why.

[worpeltinger.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'm really sorry about that, I'm trying to fix it now

[worthanotherwar.livejournal.com]

what about bringing your boyfriend in to the gyno?
he can support you when your uncomfortable and even if youre too scared too say you are, maybe you could make up a signal for him to know you are.
like pulling on your right ear.

[sadhe-sati.livejournal.com]

Gah, I hate to sound like a pill pusher, but have you tried taking something for anxiety before going? Maybe you could talk to the gyno and ask if they'd prescribe you something to take before the exam? I think that, along with a little bit more understanding from the doctor, might help make it easier for you. Perhaps you could make a list of things you wish for your gyno to know about and accommodations you would like for him/her to make for the exam?

I understand how difficult this must be for you, and I commend you for being able to come as far as you have. Unfortunately it can be difficult for doctors who don't regularly deal with PTSD to understand the severity of it, but at the same time you really should be getting regular exams. I think maybe meeting them half way by telling them what you would like them to do to make you comfortable could be helpful to them. Some of them simply just don't understand how traumatic a pelvic exam can be for someone with a history of sexual abuse.

Good luck with everything; I hope it works out. <3

[marionravenwood.livejournal.com]

Gah, I hate to sound like a pill pusher, but have you tried taking something for anxiety before going?

I can't speak for the OP, but for some people this makes them feel even more helpless, since on top of everything you're drugged too.

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

Do you have a close friend you could bring with you?

[archangelbeth]

Many times -- and this is not fair, nor right, nor any blame towards you -- we have to take a lot more charge of our health than we "should." I.e., don't ask the doctor "can I get dressed now?" Practice saying, "Okay, I really need to get dressed now before I have a panic attack. Please give me 30 seconds here."

The one who didn't stop when you said was treating you like a kid. "It's almost done!" She probably has no experience with someone who's had past trauma, but that's not really an excuse. Filing a complaint might be something to consider.

I'd suggest... If the one that you last went to is someone you can talk to, try telling her what happened when she didn't let you get dressed right then -- perhaps in a letter. You might want to say something like, "Because of my past abuse, being naked is very vulnerable for me, and the power differential of 'me in a paper gown, you dressed' is triggering. I know you have other patients, but please schedule my appointments for extra time so that I can get dressed quickly if an exam isn't needed, or after exams, so that I can be more in charge of my body. When you didn't let me do that, I felt overpowered, overwhelmed, and was having emotional flash-backs to the rape."

It's not unreasonable to ask of doctors, but you probably need to really spell it out for them -- which may be an uncomfortable thing, but I'm not sure you can get a really good doctor otherwise, except by trying a lot of them and getting lucky. If you have a therapist who can write a list of "When you are with Patient X, you must stop if she says stop. You must allow her to be dressed at any time when it is not necessary for her to be undressed," that might be useful to you as well: it's Another Doctor who has quasi-medical records.

If you can bring in your boyfriend, that sounds like a good thing -- someone to act as a "spotter" for you and say things like, "Excuse me, but that's triggering her. Please stop NOW," and hold your hand.

...I'm not an expert in this sort of thing at all, so these are just suggestions, and please pitch out any that won't work for you.

Good luck!

[lupinelullaby.livejournal.com]

Absolutely agreed. Unfortunately, just asking if you can get dressed won't indicate to a doctor that you're having a problem. Most likely she wasn't intentionally dismissing you and probably didn't realize the impact it was having. To them, it's only a short time of discomfort and no big deal. So it's important to really stress to them how much of an issue it is for you.

If you have trouble talking about it, writing it all down may be easier. And a written out note gives a little reminder to the doctor whenever she looks in your chart.

A note from a therapist is a wonderful idea as well.

It's sad to say, but doctors can become a little desensitized over time. They give hundreds of exams and it's all very routine to them. Sometimes it can be hard to find a doctor who thinks outside of that and can be truly understanding to individual needs, especially given the 'get em in and get em out as quick as possible' mad-houses most doctors run.

Good luck! I hope you get the treatment you deserve!

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

Just thirding these two comments. Both are awesome advice.

It's YOUR body and your health. You do whatever you need in order to be safe and comfortable.

[marionravenwood.livejournal.com]

This is a brilliant comment; absolutely spot-on.

[whatwe-know.livejournal.com]

I think this post is perfectly appropriate for this forum! I am glad you feel like you can come here for help/advice/support, etc.

Now your situation is tricky, like others, because of course these doctors (i hope!) are not trying to harm you or make you uncomfortable...it's just that they don't realize the impact of their actions, and they are in such a routine and it's hard for them to give individualized attention, to an extent. It's always easy to say you should just 'speak up' but I understand that it's hard when you're already in an anxious and vulnerable position.

I think if you can it'd be best to make sure to say something beforehand, or like others have suggested, write it all out in a note so you don't have to rely on your memory and courage under pressure. If you are able to speak up beforehand, that could help you say what you need to say before you are on the spot, in the exact situation that you are trying to avoid. So maybe if the doctor knows ahead of time that you will need a minute to get dressed, to feel more comfortable, and maybe with that knowledge they'd be able to eliminate most of these scary situations.

If the staff does know about your history and anxiety beforehand, then they have absolutely no reason not to listen to your request for privacy, expressions of discomfort, etc. (Not that they have an excuse to ignore you ever, just saying if they know more about it, then it's even more ludicrous for them not to listen.) And best case scenario: maybe if the office's staff was aware of how you felt, they might not ask you to undress at all in the future, if it's not needed for the exam.

And yes, like others have said...I think many offices allow partners, friends, etc. to be in the room with you to make you feel more comfortable. Maybe if you could bring your partner, if the doctor didn't respond to your expressions of discomfort, s/he could possibly speak up for you? It sounds like in that situation you might not have the ability to say 'hey I need a minute here, listen to me!' But perhaps s/he could step in and explain, 'your patient needs a minute to get undressed, this situation is making her uncomfortable,' or similar. I think if someone is there to make statements, rather than ask questions, the doctor is much more likely to take heed (though of course it can be hard to muster it up yourself, as I have experienced, which is why having someone else's help might be the best option.)

Ok that was long. And my English sounds so weird lately since I've been abroad and only talking to international students with funny English. So I hope that helps. I'm sorry about the abuse in your past, as well as your current difficulties. Hang in there!

[sutaseiu.livejournal.com]

Pretty much everything that's been said, especially writing a letter. Also, if you're only having a pelvic exam, and not a breast exam, maybe you could talk to your doctor about being able to wear a shirt and skirt during the exam? A loose enough skirt is easy enough to push up and out of the way, but you'd be dressed again quickly enough, if you're only missing your panties.

[waitingonsnow.livejournal.com]

I really feel you on this - I'm also a survivor of abuse, and I just about had a nervous breakdown when I finally went to get a pelvic for the first time.

I agree with all the suggestions made here, but also - have you tried going to a rape crisis centre? That's what I did, when I needed to be checked out, and not only was the gyno who worked there absolutely wonderful and extremely experienced with working with abuse survivors, but she was able to recommend me to other doctors with similar experience.

Also, this sounds trite, but have you tried taking a "security blanket" into the appointment with you? Someone on here suggested that to me, and it really helped. Just a little charm, or a little stuffed animal, or something that you can reach out and touch? Something with significance to you. It will help you feel safer, but it also can help with the dissociative symptoms that make you feel like being touched = the abuse happening all over again. You can touch your charm and say: "I didn't have this with me when the abuse happened, and so it can't be happening now. This is just an exam, and it won't hurt me. I have this [..] with me, and that proves I've moved on and I'm safe now."

It may not make a difference, but these are things that helped me. Good luck, sweetheart. <333

[wide-eyedchild.livejournal.com]

*hugs* Feel better! Everyone here has given some really good suggestions.

Good luck!

Subject Line Request

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Could you please edit your post to include a descriptive subject line? This will help other members use your post as a resource in the future. For more information on what we mean, take a look at this part (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#VP.27s_Courtesy_Checklist_for_Posting) of our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ).

Thanks!
Tori

For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
contact_vp

[pruesaysit.livejournal.com]

I just wanted to wish you lots of luck. I'm 27 and I drag my mum to nearly all my doctors appointments with me because of an Anxiety Disorder. Having her there with me makes me feel so much more at ease. I'd really suggest finding a close friend or family member who can be your advocate at these appointments. Someone who can hold your hand during a Pelvic and can identify signs that you're uncomfortable and can ask the doctor to stop if you can't voice it yourself. Good luck!

[worpeltinger.livejournal.com]

Thanks for all the encouragement and helpful advice. I've thought about taking my partner with me for my exams but I haven't decided if that would make it better or worse. I didn't take him the first time because I thought that she would listen, and then after that I've been uncomfortable with the idea of taking him with me because it feels like, for all intents and purposes, he would be watching me get raped. I know it's crazy and far out there and I've been really trying to change the way that I think about it...but that's just one thing i can't quite get over.

Another question: Is it normal for the doctor to ignore you when you ask them to stop? I just want to know if she did something wrong and if I should anticipate similiar scenarios to occur during future appointments.