I really feel you on this - I'm also a survivor of abuse, and I just about had a nervous breakdown when I finally went to get a pelvic for the first time.
I agree with all the suggestions made here, but also - have you tried going to a rape crisis centre? That's what I did, when I needed to be checked out, and not only was the gyno who worked there absolutely wonderful and extremely experienced with working with abuse survivors, but she was able to recommend me to other doctors with similar experience.
Also, this sounds trite, but have you tried taking a "security blanket" into the appointment with you? Someone on here suggested that to me, and it really helped. Just a little charm, or a little stuffed animal, or something that you can reach out and touch? Something with significance to you. It will help you feel safer, but it also can help with the dissociative symptoms that make you feel like being touched = the abuse happening all over again. You can touch your charm and say: "I didn't have this with me when the abuse happened, and so it can't be happening now. This is just an exam, and it won't hurt me. I have this [..] with me, and that proves I've moved on and I'm safe now."
It may not make a difference, but these are things that helped me. Good luck, sweetheart. <333
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Date: 2008-08-26 03:28 pm (UTC)I agree with all the suggestions made here, but also - have you tried going to a rape crisis centre? That's what I did, when I needed to be checked out, and not only was the gyno who worked there absolutely wonderful and extremely experienced with working with abuse survivors, but she was able to recommend me to other doctors with similar experience.
Also, this sounds trite, but have you tried taking a "security blanket" into the appointment with you? Someone on here suggested that to me, and it really helped. Just a little charm, or a little stuffed animal, or something that you can reach out and touch? Something with significance to you. It will help you feel safer, but it also can help with the dissociative symptoms that make you feel like being touched = the abuse happening all over again. You can touch your charm and say: "I didn't have this with me when the abuse happened, and so it can't be happening now. This is just an exam, and it won't hurt me. I have this [..] with me, and that proves I've moved on and I'm safe now."
It may not make a difference, but these are things that helped me. Good luck, sweetheart. <333