Sex and self-consciousness

[attheocean.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this is a silly question, but it's worth a try. I am a 21 year-old female. I am underweight. However, my weight has fluctuated greatly over the course of my life. Because of this, my breasts aren't very perky and sag a little. I am extremely self-conscious about them and sometimes resorted to wearing my shirt during sex with my ex-boyfriend. (Thankfully, though, he was very accommodating. He understood I was self-conscious and reassured me tremendously throughout the course of our relationship. I'm just scared he was a rarity.) My problem now lies in future relationships. As crazy as it sounds, I'm scared I won't be able to find someone else because of my chest (or, at least, someone who will stay). I know guys who are worthwhile probably won't leave a girl because of something she can't control, but there's always this nagging voice in my mind that says that I can't possibly be attractive to a guy if he finds out my breasts aren't as cute and perky as they appear to be. In the future, I'd like plastic surgery, but that's just not a conceivable option right now.

In short, I suppose I'm looking for reassurance. I would like to hope most guys wouldn't leave a girl because of an imperfect chest, but I can't help but doubt myself and future relationships/sexual situations.

Comments

[onychophora.livejournal.com]

The good thing about most boys is they LOVE boobs, no matter what shape, size or texture. I've never met a boy who is picky about what is attached to a girl's chest- I honestly don't think you need worry at all :)

[mari-mac1109.livejournal.com]

Mine are on the saggy droopy side but all of my past partners have seemed very excited to play with them nevertheless. :D

If you are worried, it might be something you want to discuss with someone you think you might get serious with. That way, you could work through it together and he wouldn't try to push you too far.

[gunshotbeauty.livejournal.com]

i agree with what the above said. guys tend to love boobs no matter what they look like but having said that if a boy is willing to leave you over something as stupid as that he isn't worth it in the first place.

[xounlabeledxo.livejournal.com]

oh, honey, you said it right there... "guys who are worthwhile wont leave a girl because of something she can't control." honestly, would you leave a guy if he had a bit of a potbelly, or too much chest hair, or slightly too feminine man-boobs? likely not. dont worry so much! :)

[hope-lecks.livejournal.com]

I agree with the above. My bf says all the time that boobs are boobs and he love 'em in every size and shape. Don't worry. You're gorgeous just the way you are and if a man doesn't like that, it really is his loss.

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

Most guys, when they're presented with boobies, don't start nitpicking or critiquing... they're just so excited, I'd imagine most of their brain is taken up with "BOOBIES! MUST PLAY!"

[https://users.livejournal.com/likeastar-/]

this comment made me laugh. :)

[http://users.livejournal.com/retrospection_/]

its true though. Boys and boobs is like kitties and laser pointers.

[paperispatient.livejournal.com]

Ditto what some others have said. Mine are slightly different sizes (which most pairs of boobs are), and I'm a B-cup. When I first became sexually active I felt a tad self-conscious because I figured mine were on the small side, but all the guys who have seen them have been so delighted to see them that I don't feel self-conscious at all now when getting nekkid with someone. Any guy who would EVER make a rude comment and DEFINITELY any guy who would ever leave a girl because her boobs aren't "perfect" is definitely not a guy you want to be dating or hooking up with.

I've also found, in sexual situations and otherwise, that if you act confident, you can sometimes make yourself feel more confident. If you pretend to feel self-assured and act like you have the best body in the world, you maybe be able to make yourself start believing it and feeling more confident.

[http://users.livejournal.com/__recidivist/]

>>I've also found, in sexual situations and otherwise, that if you act confident, you can sometimes make yourself feel more confident. If you pretend to feel self-assured and act like you have the best body in the world, you maybe be able to make yourself start believing it and feeling more confident.

Word. "Fake it 'til you make it" is sort of cheesy, but so true. We tell other people how we want to be treated. If you communicate that you want to be treated like a beautiful sex goddess with amazing breasts, you'll often find that people are more than willing to believe that that's what you are.

A guy's point of view

[terryo.livejournal.com]

Just want to say that all the posters have it right; I find no particular fascination with size, perkiness, etc; it is the woman they are a part of that is the attraction. Ie, if you enjoy them, he should enjoy them. It's not the breasts that are fun to play with, it is the woman. As others said, if that is an issue for some guy, well, that is an easy filter for someone who is probably pretty shallow.

Terry

[exsplusohs.livejournal.com]

I am a big girl. I have BIG boobs. And they certainly don't stand at attention without some serious support systems.

I've never found myself topless in front of a man that DIDN'T want to play with them! Short story shorter: Men love boobs. They love ALL boobs, and yours will be no exception!

[lokiismykitten.livejournal.com]

Chiming in with what everyone else said, Boobs are Boobs and they make men happy. I am in the same boat going from almost a DD to early a C or full B with wight loss. All my partners have been happy with boobs and no a single man 3 in total have nitpicked. They are just grateful you gifted them with access.

[desert--moon.livejournal.com]

Same here. I was a 44DD and now I'm a 36C so... the girls appear a little deflated these days. The husband doesn't care at all. I asked him, but don't you miss them being larger?? He says they're still there so there's nothing to miss!

[chiyo-no-saru.livejournal.com]

Also, keep in mind that every woman has imperfect breasts--no one has boobs that are perfectly symmetrical, perfectly even, perfectly perky--and that's normal and wonderful! The women on TV and in the media and that you see in porn are all airbrushed, or even have boob implants. Most boobies aren't so naturally perky that they defy gravity--that's one of the reasons for bras. :)

[archangelbeth]

Even guys who are more "ah, breasts, those are okay, too" will be fine with you not having "perky" breasts, I bet. I mean, my guy likes my legs and butt more than my breasts; it's not that he dislikes breasts. It's that he LIKES the legs. Breasts sort of come with the package and are fun to play with, but not his visual-stimulation of choice.

(I was once wearing a tight shirt and not-so-tight pants and he went "rowr!" at me. I blinked and said I thought that bosoms weren't what he went rowr at, and his cheery reply was that he'd take what he could get.)

So I'd say, all you'd possibly have to worry about would be a guy who had a "perfect breast" fetish. Those are likely to be rarities (though I'm sure they exist; if it's a sexual kink, someone will have it somewhere, even if it's cactuses), and if you run into anyone who is like that? They have no need to get Seeing You Naked privileges.

Basically... Seeing You Naked is always a privilege that you grant, never a right that a guy (or gal, either) has. If they don't appreciate the privilege, they are not worthy of the honor!

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I am firmly convinced that men do not notice things about our bodies the way we notice things about our bodies. It just doesn't look to them what it looks like to us.

For example? I'm closing in on 27, with fairly heavy breasts on a tiny frame, and let me tell you they've been heading to my navel for a good half-decade now. That's not an "imperfect chest," that's just life and living in your body. It's part of growing into yourself.

I tend to joke around a bit about the sag, but the first time I joked about it with my now-husband (who is a fair bit younger than me to boot), he looked at me in utter confusion. Not only did he not notice the sag, but upon close inspection he didn't think they did, and thought my breasts were gorgeous. He still does.

The other thing, and bottom line, is that I have never met a man (either my own partner or a friend) who sits there with a scorecard when they see their partner naked, ticking off points. I doubt you will either.

So really, I don't think future partners will even notice. If they do notice, they won't care -- and one thing I think is important to realize is that I don't think very many women's boobs are as "perky" as we somehow expect that they should be -- so realistically, any partner who has seen real-life naked boobs before probably won't see anything out of the norm with yours.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I will add that I've talked to my husband often about body image and soforth, and he also agrees that men really don't judge female partners' bodies in that way... especially when it's someone they are emotionally attracted to. There's lots of other things "imperfect" about my boobs than just the sag, and you should see his face light up when I bring them out.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

My mom had practically negative boobs when she was young and 100 pounds; now that she's 150 and has had 3 kids, she still hardly has any boobs. And my dad thinks she's hotter than ever (yes, he tells us this, lol). Her not having perky or sizable boobs was never an issue. He liked her and he liked what she did have (cute face, cute butt, whatever).

On the other side of things, my boyfriend has man-boobs... and I couldn't give a shit. I think he's adorable, his body is wonderfully comfy, and when he's naked all I can think about is snuggling him or jumping him. He, however, was quite self-conscious and I saw his penis before I ever saw his chest. But when I did see it and saw that he was chubby... I really, really couldn't care less. I liked him! So I liked the way he looked and I liked finding out what we could do with each other's bodies. Any good guy is going to feel the same about you, because he likes *you.* If some guy doesn't, then he's not someone you want to be with.

[http://users.livejournal.com/__recidivist/]

You should check out the Everyday Body Project (http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/9358497.html) it includes pictures of real VP members' breast, vulvas, tummies, butts, and bodies. I bet you'll find some breasts that look like yours on there.

As a man, I just want to tell you what you already know: most people who are attracted to women don't care what their breasts look like. It's just nice that they're there. (And I, for one, have a pretty liberal definition of what "there" even means.) Think of it like icing on a cake: some people like huge flowers all over the place, and some of us are like "damn, I can't eat that. I'd need to drink a gallon of milk" other times you think "it would be nice if there were a little more here, but I'll jsut spread it around and make it work. Maybe I'll eat the cake bit first and save the frosting for last". Most of the time, though, you're just happy the frosting's there-- it doesn't matter what it looks like, you're going to eat it.

A sightly disturbing analogy maybe, but I think it communicates what I'm trying to say. While making me hungry.

The Everyday Body Project

[jmnstars.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting information about The Everyday Body Project. I loved it and wish it was still going on! The tummy pictures made me almost cry..I am not a fan of my tummy, but saw many pictures that looked like my tummy which made me happy. I also found breasts that look like mine too (but I love my breasts!).

Any chance to get that going again? Anyone? :P

[pygmybugs.livejournal.com]

I lost a lot of weight (around 90lbs, it took me several years) and also got a little self-conscious about my boobs. I've always loved them, but they're a lot different now (as is the rest of my body). Nobody likes to hear someone complain about losing weight, but it's very weird to have been used to the same body for most of your life, and then have it drastically change (even for the better). It's just weird.

That said, when I first hooked up with my present boyfriend, I was a little nervous, because he's dated some incredibly beautiful women. But when the clothes came off, he still adored all of me (although he's a butt guy -- I've still got PLENTY of that), loves my boobs, et cetera. And I feel almost more comfortable being naked around him than I do just hanging naked alone around my own house.

Pretty much, anyone who cares about you (regardless of gender) is going to love you and your imperfections. If they don't -- kick 'em to the curb. They're not worth your time. For instance, my boyfriend got really tall (6'7") really fast, and as a consequence, is a little knock-kneed and gangly/awkward. And I think it's about the cutest thing, ever.

[spinsterkitten.livejournal.com]

I understand how you feel. I put on a lot of weight all the sudden, about 40 lbs. I wear a 38G bra, my breasts are quite large. But they have always been saggy. I'm a bit self conscious about it, but he seems to think that I'm beautiful, even when I don't. I'm weird about him seeing me for too long in the light when I'm naked.

If a man judges you for something like your breasts being perky, he isn't worth being with. But I'm betting that your boyfriend thinks you are beautiful and loves your breasts just the way they are.

[mycolorfulheart.livejournal.com]

Everyone's been giving you good comments, listen to them!

I also wanted to say that when you really like someone (and certainly when you're in love with them) they could look like a balled up kleenex on the ground and you'd still thinking about how sexy they are. Guys are alot more romantic than we give them credit for. Most of them are softies on the inside, and once they're into you (good conversations and kindness will make that happen alot more than perfect boobs!) they'll love every inch of your body.

[kah-tea-uh.livejournal.com]

I agree with the above comments. My boobs are 46DD and I've got scars from self-inflicted injuries, and for the first month my boyfriend and I were together I never took off my bra around him, but when I did I realized he really doesn't care about the "imperfections" that I see in my breasts (it really is like a cat with a laser pointer, guys never get tired of playing with boobies). He occasionally reminds me: "Your breasts are beautiful," and that along with the other comments here makes me pretty confident that most guys really love boobs, no matter what.