Stupid, stupid boy...

[individuality86.livejournal.com]

Since my last post, I ended up telling my b/f about the possibiliy of the both of us passing some kind of infection back and forth, since something always goes wrong with me "down there" every time we have sex. Can you BELIEVE that he doesn't wanna go to the doctor with me? Something about him not wanting to hear any bad news. Ugh! THEN he had the nerve to compare me to his ex, saying "How come my ex never had all of these problems?" Um, MAYBE BECAUSE WE'RE TWO DIFFERENT PEOPLE, YOU IDIOT!!! I'm going to the doctor soon [for what I think is B.V...AGAIN...], but I just felt the need to rant about that. Wasn't he being a tad bit insensitive for saying that to me?! :-

Comments

[appolonia.livejournal.com]

If he's not mature enough to handle this sort of thing, I don't think he's mature enough to be having sex with you.

[individuality86.livejournal.com]

My thoughts exactly.

[archangelbeth]

Amen. If he doesn't want to get tested to see if he is causing you problems, then... Well, were that me, I'd be revoking bed privileges immediately. (Has he ever had a STI test? If he has, why is he balking now?)

Good luck!

[matchgirl42.livejournal.com]

IAWTC.

[emilia-romagna.livejournal.com]

Dude. Seriously.

(frozen) Maintainer Note

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Hi, appolonia. I'm writing on behalf of the VP Team to express concern that the attitude and/or wording above do not foster what we consider safe space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F) in this community.

We do understand your frustration regarding the behavior of the OP's partner. However, when you say, "If he's not mature enough to handle this sort of thing, I don't think he's mature enough to be having sex with you," it's substituting your judgment about who should or should not have sex with the person actually in the situation and therefore does not respect that individual's personal decision.

Please consider this a warning as well as a friendly reminder to take this opportunity to review VP's policies. You can find more information on safe space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F) in our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ), as linked here:

--What are VP's rules? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_are_the_rules.3F)
--What is "safe space"? What does "empowerment" mean? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F)

You are more than welcome to make a post over in contact_vp or to contact us via email (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php) If you'd like to talk more about this matter or clarify any points; we only ask that you refrain from commenting further here out of respect for the OP. For that reason, replies to this thread will be frozen.

Thank you,
Tori
For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
contact_vp

[sparkle-lite.livejournal.com]

That was incredibly insensitive to say that. Also, 'not wanting to hear bad news"? WTF, what if he does have a bacterial infection of his own? He would rather not know, potentially keep causing you problems/infections. It sounds a little harsh, but I'd flat out tell him that he's not getting his penis in/near your vagina again until he gets it checked out (and not just until he SAYS he's gotten checked out...try to be as sure as possible that he actually went!!). What if he had a more serious STD?! Seriously, guys kill me. Here you are being responsible with your health and he's playing Ostrich with his head in the sand!!

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Something about him not wanting to hear any bad news

Amazingly, this is really, really common. So many people avoid medical treatment when they know that something is wrong because they do not want to hear the bad news; they may realize it's illogical, but there's definitely this thing that happens to people where they don't want to hear a diagnosis, even if it means risking their health.

It definitely wasn't particularly sensitive to you (especially that last bit). It sounds to me like he's just scared that something might be amiss with his bits and would rather go on not knowing. Good luck.

[my-neighborhood.livejournal.com]

Wow. Immature much?

[cloudshapes.livejournal.com]

I'm really sorry, that was terribly insensitive of him to say to you. Comparing to an ex is the worst thing for me, I would be so upset to hear that, let alone my partner not wanting to get something checked out that is affecting me and our sex live. I'm so sorry!

[trinity85.livejournal.com]

*waves* hey girl! I see you're in this community too. lol.

But yeah, he seems really immature but this is also really common with some people. my most recent ex tried to pull that "well,nothing was wrong with my ex girlfriend" card too. it's bullshit. If he's not willing to go to the doctor with you, I'd think something fishy was going on and I'd probably call things off.

anyway, good luck!

[individuality86.livejournal.com]

** waves back ** HEY!!!! lol, thanks 4 the advice.

(frozen)

[http://users.livejournal.com/_knivesxout/]

wow. dump that asshole immediately. that's really all i have to say about that shit.

(frozen) Maintainer Note

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Hi, _knivesxout. I'm writing on behalf of the VP Team to express concern that the attitude and/or wording above do not foster what we consider safe space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F) in this community.

While you're certainly entitled to disagree with the OP's partner's attitude and actions, it's important to express your concern respectfully. VP is not the forum to tell the OP how to proceed with her relationship. Telling her she should "dump that asshole" does not respect her choice in the matter.

Please consider this a warning as well as a friendly reminder to take this opportunity to review VP's policies. You can find more information on safe space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F) in our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ), as linked here:

--What are VP's rules? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_are_the_rules.3F)
--What is "safe space"? What does "empowerment" mean? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F_What_does_.22empowerment.22_mean.3F)

You are more than welcome to make a post over in contact_vp or to contact us via email (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php) If you'd like to talk more about this matter or clarify any points; we only ask that you refrain from commenting further here out of respect for the OP. For that reason, replies to this thread will be frozen.

Thank you,
Tori
For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
contact_vp

(frozen) Re: Maintainer Note

[http://users.livejournal.com/_knivesxout/]

uhm everyone else judged him in the same manner, they just didn't use the word 'asshole'. whatever. sorry.

(frozen) Re: Maintainer Note

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

As the previous note requested, if you'd like to discuss this further, the appropriate venues for that are via email (mailto:vpteam@vaginapagina.com) or by posting in contact_vp.

[viellen]

Wow, I can definitely feel how that would be a hurtful thing to hear. I'm very sensitive towards vaginal infections after sex myself, and it would really upset me if my partner wasn't willing to take responsibility for his sexual health. This might be a long-shot, but do you think your doctor might be willing to talk to your boyfriend if s/he thinks he might be contributing to the infections?

[quilt-nut.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend was afraid to go to the doctor. But it was based on total, utter fear of having someone swab his tubing. He also felt uncomfortable/awkward. Once he went, he said he felt so much better about the experience. He said it was mostly awkward but not painful. Maybe he's just scared of the idea of having a swab inserted in a place he considers an "out hole"?

[plasticpepper.livejournal.com]

Wow...if I were you, I'd be like "well, I'm not comfortable having sex until we figure out what the problem is...so if you're not willing to do anything to figure it out, I guess it's gonna be a while. Here's a Playboy." Seriously though, you should let him know that your health is a serious matter...and that comparing you to his ex (and acting like it's somehow your fault you're having these issues) is way out of line.

[ohjenny.livejournal.com]

I don't know.. but I would be flipping out! I had to treat my boyfriend for a YI when I had one I couldn't get rid of (turns out it was the HBC causing the issue and not him though).

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I definitely can believe that your partner doesn't want to go to the doctor with you, though I'm not saying it's admirable behavior. The idea of doctor visits in general freak some people out, not to mention one that comes with the possibility of having one's genitals examined or swabbed as well as the possibility of learning about an infection. I think, if a person isn't showing physical symptoms that something is immediately and concretely wrong, it can be very easy to continue in a sort of "what I don't know can't hurt me" mindset. Unfortunately, what he doesn't (want to) know can hurt you, and in a partnership, good sexual health is kind of a combined effort.

For my own part, I get yeast infections very easily -- less frequently now that I've made some lifestyle changes to minimize them, but they used to interfere with both my sex life and general comfort level in a major way. If the time came when I thought my partner and I might be passing a YI back and forth, I think I'd want treating both of us to be mandatory before sexual contact happened again. If s/he wouldn't do it, I think I'd have to "cut off" sex until the situation changed -- not out of a desire to punish, not as a judgment about their sexual maturity, but just as a way of looking out for my own sexual health.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

That is pretty insensitive. He needs to wake up and realize the consequences of having an active sex life. Personally, I would tell him, "Look. We don't know what this is. Do you want the bad news of finding out you have something curable now, or the bad news that you are sterile later?"

I'm sorry he won't go to the doctor's with you. When I got BV, my boyfriend took me to the doctor's to pick up the medication. It was really nice of him and we didn't even know what I had- the doc just said I had an abnormal pap and I should come pick up some medicine. He and I googled the medicine name together to find out what I had. /rant.

[iguanasdefuego.livejournal.com]

Oh, and as far as the ex goes, the only reason she should come into play is if you find out it is an STD. Then he should be telling her to get tested, end of story. It's not right to make you feel insecure in your relationship because of a possible infection.