sex drive

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

I'm 23 years old, not on any birth control. I do take pindolol for my fast heartrate and xanax for anxiety but I got off my anti-depressants a while back. I'm in a very serious and committed relationship and I love the boy to death. The thing is, I never want to have sex. Ever. I'd say we average about once a week but if he didn't remind me or make a move it would probably be much less. He's very attractive to me and I am crazy about the boy. So what's the deal?! I want to want to have sex! Today I went out and splurged on some romantic props, candles, a feather tickler thing, blindfold..etc. hoping that will maybe do it for me. Are there any other ideas? I'd appreciate it and I know he would too!

Comments

[heather-purple.livejournal.com]

Xanax can cause a change in sex drive or alter the libido. If the props don't help, maybe switching your anxiety medication would help.

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

I've been wanting to get off the stuff anyway. This is a good enough reason as any. I'll talk to my doctor.

[sunkistfriend.livejournal.com]

Start of simple.
ie. Have a tub together, provide a massage for the other person, play a song for the person that you want them to hear.
Those are the things that I find that matter most in a relationship.
Hope this helps~!

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

It sounds like side effects of your medication but I think the props are a step in the right direction. Also encourage him to start with lots of foreplay. Looking over at me and asking "Do you wanna have sex?" as if he wants to know if I want a glass of juice does nothing for me. I can imagine it's the same for just about anyone. lol

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

Haha that sounds like my guy. He doesn't get it because it'd be a huge turn on for him if I asked him like that but it just doesn't work for me. I need to be romanced! :)

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

That might be the biggest part of the problem then. Next time, when he says that just say "If you want it, ya gotta work for it." and wink at him.

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

I never mastered winking but I'll try something along those lines. :) We've talked about it, we're very communicative about our sexual needs, and I think he understands now what I need.

[alwaysamommy.livejournal.com]

Good. Just don't blame yourself for it. Most women need the emotional bond and want to feel wanted. There's nothing wrong with you for not being turned on by your boyfriend treating your vagina as if it were a glass of juice.

[simplylaura.livejournal.com]

Dunno if you eat fast food a lot, but that can have an effect, as well.

[monimeows.livejournal.com]

I would say that it is possibly a side-effect of your medication.

But, my suggestion is why not make HIM splurge on sexy props? If your partner wants the sex, allow him to buy you some goodies and treat you like the hot thing that you are ;D There's nothing more arousing than being worshipped like a goddess lol.

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

well we're both flat broke but I came into a little money this month so I decided to do the shopping. Plus I wanted to show him that I do want us to have a more active sex life. He is very good at bringing me flowers and giving me massages and things like that though. He's a catch. :)

[rinnychan.livejournal.com]

Is this a recent change or have you never wanted to have sex?

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

neither? haha it's been about 10 months since I noticed a sharp decrease in my sex drive. I definitely used to want sex.

[rinnychan.livejournal.com]

Ah, okay. I was thinking if it'd always been that way, you could just be asexual. It probably is because of your medication or something.

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

definitely not asexual, bisexual actually :)

[freakin-lj.livejournal.com]

Have you let you doctor know about this? It's pretty well-documented by now that SSRIs can screw (heh) with your sex drive, so if you mention it to your doc, s/he probably won't be surprised and will probably have alternative medications for you (that is, if you're still taking them).

I've heard good things about Wellbutrin/bupropion. It's both an antidepressant as well as a treatment that can help people with low desire/sexual issues (at least that's what wiki tells me, hah). I don't know if it helps with anxiety at all, but that's an example of one medication switch that might help you. Good luck!

[flickersticked.livejournal.com]

Yeah I talked to my doctor about it and he had me come off the Effexor I was taking. After that hellish experience I was really hope to see some improvement, and I did for about a week. Now it's back to being disinterested.

[lolitalust.livejournal.com]

I often have practically no sex drive. This was the case before I went on any medicines, as well as afterwards. I thoroughly enjoyed sex with my ex-fiance. Very much so. But no matter how much I enjoyed it, I still wasn't interested in doing it very often. So I don't think my medications have anything to do with it. That scares me sometimes. Why don't I want to have sex very often?

The medicines I'm currently taking are Zoloft, Adderall, Depo, and Xanax.

[archangelbeth]

When I was lurking on certain Usenet alt.sex.* groups, the "general knowledge" was that (usually) women who were sex-deprived would eventually have their libido decrease. The less women did it, the less they thought about it. Men, on the other hand, were usually the other way around -- the more deprived, the more horny.

While you have medications that may be throwing a monkey wrench into your natural state, you may get some benefit from trying to jumpstart your desire by... having more sex, when you're only intellectually interested. (Naturally, I don't mean to not indulge romance or bother with foreplay; if the sex you have isn't interesting sex, then it's unlikely to remind your libido that it's fun!) For intellectual interest, props can definitely be entertaining!

[cabbagemedley.livejournal.com]

Could well be the Xanax, or you might not have fully recovered from the Effexor yet...how long ago did you stop taking it? It took me months before I felt anything like myself again.

Or it could be stress. My libido is nowhere to be found at the moment, because it's been a hell of a year - graduated, moved 200 miles, started first permanent job and all that good stuff. I'm strung out, tired, depressed, and I just want to be comforted. Sex doesn't appeal in the slightest, however much I wish it did. So it could be the meds, or it could be whatever made you need the meds in the first place.

I would recommend being good to yourself, eating well, getting enough sleep and exercise, basically reducing your stressors as much as possible. I also like exercise for, hm, I suppose putting me back in touch with my body. Non-sexual messing around can do that too, like tickling or play-fighting. If I stop using my body or allowing it to be touched, eventually I just stop feeling any desire for those things. I need to ease myself back into that frame of mind by starting to enjoy my body again, and for me the easiest way to start is in a non-sexual context.