Low sex drive, and hormonal birth control

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Sooo, hello! Great community - I hope to spend a lot more time here :)

So, I read through the tags on libido, but no one seemed to have talked about quite what I wanted to talk about....

I've been with my partner for about a year and a half now. Before that I had a couple of casual boyfriends and a few one-off sexual partners, but I always found sex to be a bit of a let-down. I'm quite an anxious person, and I had a really horrible, painful experience the first time I had sex, so it took me ages to become comfortable with sex, and to start to relax. Anyway, now I'm with my partner and things are pretty good - he manages to get me off using his fingers, which no one else managed to do previously! I still never come from actual intercourse, but I figure that's pretty normal so I'm not so worried.

Basically, though, I still seem to have a pretty low sex drive. When my partner initiates it, I can get in the mood pretty quickly, but if he doesn't initiate sex it basically doesn't enter my mind...I just never find myself feeling turned on without being prompted. And I enjoy sex, but it's not an overwhelming experience. I never feel 'swept away' and find myself wondering what the big deal is...

I was on the pill a few times when I was younger, and I seem to remember that my libido actually disappeared completely while I was taking it. I actively avoided sex. So that was no good! I've been using only condoms as birth control for a few years now, which was fine when I was just having sex very occasionally, but now that I'm with my partner we're looking for something that means we don't have to use condoms....and the pill is the cheapest and most obvious choice, but I'm terrified of losing what little sex drive I've already got! When I mentioned that I didn't want the pill my doc recommended the Nuvaring, but it's still hormonal so I'm not convinced. I'd like an IUD, but my doctor won't do it for me - I'd have to go to a Family Planning Clinic, and their waiting lists are loooong. I'm still keen though, since the FPC have a good gyno who comes in to do the insertions. But if Nuvaring is low on side effects I'd be willing to consider it.

So! After all that waffle, my questions are:

Does anyone else have a problem with low libido? Is it usually a physical thing, or psychological? Any point trying herbal remedies for some more vim and vigour?! (I'm in very good health, could exercise a bit more but am no couch potato.)

And what're everyone's opinions on Nuvaring, regarding side effects? Anyone notice a change to their libido while using it? I might ask this on the Nuvaring comm too so apologies for spamming...

In case it helps, I'm 22 and living in Australia. And feeling a bit silly that I've never been brave enough to discuss sex drive with any of my friends :") Hope someone can help!

Comments

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

It's funny, I was just noticing (and kind of lamenting, since I am currently single) the fact that regular, vigorous exercise seems to make my libido increase considerably. I find that intense cardiovascular exercise (running, kickboxing, etc.) seems to really get things going for me, and I think that the yoga classes I've started taking help too. And I do notice a definite difference between working out a couple of times a week and working out three to five times a week -- my sex drive is much higher when I do the latter. You could try adding a little extra oomph to your regular exercise schedule and see if that does anything for you. :)

As far as side effects go, it's unfortunately well-nigh impossible to predict how you'll react to NuvaRing (or any other type of HBC) based on how others have reacted to it. For some people, it doesn't cause many (or any) unpleasant side effects, but for others it may cause some (including a decreased libido).

And as for feeling silly, I think sometimes it's a bit easier to discuss this sort of thing over the Internet. If you do get to a point where you feel comfortable discussing this with your friends, I am sure they will understand too, though. :)

Whoops!

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

I meant to add in that last paragraph that I don't think you're silly at all. :)

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Heheheh, my regular exercise routine :D :D :D

Seriously, my only exercise is running to the train when I'm inevitably late in the mornings. And walking - I don't drive, so I end up walking sort-of-briskly for around forty minutes a day, to buses and trains and around my Uni. I feel like I should do more...but it would cut into my valuable internet time! Heh, I honestly have no excuse since I'm only at Uni two days a week, and working one. Perhaps I should go jogging or something. I'd just feel such a twat! I can't afford a gym or any fancy pants exercise classes, though, so I guess jogging's my only option. Hmph. Maybe if I told myself it would make me a shag-demon I might be more motivated, though?

Is jogging shame normal? Or am I just being a wally as usual? :)

I'm thinking of trying out the Nuvaring for three months, before I go down the more extreme route of an IUD (ouch). I understand that's the usual time it takes for side effects to even out and whatnot.

Thanks for exercise suggestion. Sadly, you're probably so right....I'm really such a lazy arse! Sigh.

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

Oh, jogging shame is totally normal. :D

At least for me it is. I was jogging last night and on several occasions I altered my route to avoid jogging past other people who were out gardening or walking or enjoying the lovely autumn weather we're having, because I feel like such a dork when others see me huffing and puffing along.

I try to tell myself that when I'm out doing non-jogging activities, I don't think anything of seeing a jogger or two, and sometimes that helps a bit.

Another great, inexpensive, at-home cardio workout is jumping rope. You can get an adult-length jumprope at most fitness stores (well, you can here in the United States), and they're really inexpensive -- mine was only about 7USD -- and you can jump rope in the privacy of your own home.

Trying NuvaRing sounds like a good option. :) If it works, awesome! And if it doesn't, you can always go the IUD route.

Best of luck with everything! :D

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I was jogging last night and on several occasions I altered my route to avoid jogging past other people who were out gardening or walking or enjoying the lovely autumn weather we're having, because I feel like such a dork when others see me huffing and puffing along.

My house mate and I have solved this problem by walking briskly a couple of nights a week (I usually do a bit of yoga or pilates on these days as well) instead of jogging. This way, we can look like we're just a couple of people out walking the dog and enjoying a good conversation... not like we're actually trying to exercise or anything. ;)

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Heh, unfortunately I'm in a flat so I don't know if I could use a skipping rope without disturbing my downstairs neighbours! I think I might be able to handle jogging, though...or at least really, really fast walking!! I'd better start now, because it'll be summer in a few months and it'll become impossible without getting heatstroke. I'll have to start swimming laps or something then. I WILL exercise, though! A better sex life is worth the pain.

Ta for your encouragment :)

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

Is there a gym for students at your university?

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Actually I think there is...I'd have to join the student guild to use it, though, and that's quite expensive now (student unionism has recently been messed with by the federal govt in Australia, so everything's a bit funky...) I think I might just have to try walking/jogging. I do live in a mind bogglingly beautiful area, after all. Hardly a chore to whizz round it :)

[chicky.livejournal.com]

re: nuvaring

If anything, it's increased my libido. The first couple of weeks that I had it in I was having the most erotic thoughts damned near constantly. I've got a raging libido to start with, but we're talking very vivid, steamy thoughts all the time, which is really unusual for me. That was really the only side-effect I had at all with it.

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Ooh, that's interesting...and confusing!! I guess it's like what someone said below: libido is such a complicated combination of many factors that it's near impossible to predict what HBC will do to it.

I bet you're glad - as far as side effects go it's a pretty good one :)

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Eh, you're right. Every sign in my life points to the need to exercise more...I'd just ignored them until now :)

I don't think my diet would have much to do with it. I eat a strictly vegetarian diet with loads of protein, fruit and veg. I do drink occassionally, but I know what THAT does to my sex drive so I try to only drink when I know I won't be having sex! Otherwise I fall asleep halfway through, heh.

I don't want to eat fishies :( I'd rather jog! Now that's a good threat to keep me exercising: if you don't go jogging you'll have to eat fishies! Run, Rose, Run!

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

NuvaRing is not necessarily low on side effects -- it'll depend on how your body reacts to it and it's not something you can figure out without just trying it.

Personally I have had a reduced libido on NuvaRing, though part of that could also be settling more into my relationship (we'd been together over a year and a half before I started having any sex drive issues) along with increased stress, like working 30 hours a week at a vet clinic while taking 2 difficult classes while spending every weekend available with my boyfriend an hour away while not getting much sleep while living with my stressful family! LOL. But, it did seem suspicious that the only weekends I couldn't force myself to have sex with my boyfriend, when before I was a total sex fiend, were the ones where I had removed the NuvaRing for the month. The rest of the month I had almost zero interest in masturbation, a major change for me, and instead of initiating or going after sex 2-3 times a day when I saw my boyfriend, I'd be fine with once or twice all weekend. And sometimes I'd fall asleep during foreplay, or frequently not be able to get wet on my own to the point that foreplay just felt lame unless we added lube. :(

In my case, I think it was a combination of the Ring + not being well rested and under plenty of stress. Right now I don't have classes or anything and while my boyfriend has moved far away for the next couple years, I've been turned on enough to masturbate on my own more frequently, which is nice.

Other side effects I had on NuvaRing included HEADACHES! 3-4 times a week at first! It wasn't until the 3rd month that they started decreasing, and even so they took 6 months before I didn't get a headache during my period. I also had nausea and vomiting like I did with the Patch, along with some difficulty with contact lenses (though the Patch was quite a bit worse for that with me). I had cramping when it wasn't my period and it was pretty strong, and my second period on the Ring was the worst cramps I'd ever had. The biggest thing was the mood swings -- the first two months I was crying my eyes out and snapping at people like an enormous bitch. I started taking B-6 supplements and a multivitamin daily and in a week I felt almost 100% back to normal. By the third month most of the side effects were gone, and now that I've been on it over a year the only side effects I have now are somewhat reduced sex drive (but not terribly so) and lack of natural lubrication... but that's what my beloved Liquid Silk is for. :-P

So... low-hormone or vaginal delivery doesn't necessarily mean low side effects. However, many women have a totally easy adjustment to it -- you really can't tell unless you try it for yourself.

I don't know about any herbal remedies, though maybe I'll watch this post for suggestions! :-P

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Oh wow, ok. My doctor specifically recommended the ring because she said it was a really, really low dose of hormones. I've looked up the levels, though, and it doesn't seem to be that much lower than the pill. Grr. I specifically told her I wasn't interested in hormonal contraception because of the side effects I get. Sometimes I feel like my mouth's moving but I'm making no noise when I talk to doctors. Thank god for communities like this.

I think I might just do it - get an IUD. If it doesn't work, then I'll concede and try hormones. I really hope it works, though. I like the idea of contraception that just sits there for years, stopping me from having babies without doing anything funky to my hormones :)

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure how this works since you've already personally experienced lowered libido while on HBC, but a recent review of studies has concluded that there's no direct connection (http://community.livejournal.com/vaginapagina/9772570.html) between hormonal birth control and lack of sex drive. Basically, while it's true that HBC lowers the amount of free testosterone in the body and that testosterone is one of the components in determining sex drive, libido is actually composed of a number of factors, so it's often not as simple as any one thing being totally responsible for the sex drive or the lack of it. So although some women certainly do have lowered libido on HBC, on a more general scale, there's no way to pinpoint the HBC as the cause of that lowered libido.

That said, Nuva Ring is still hormonal, and the hormones are systemic. It has the potential to cause the same side effects as do traditional oral contraceptive pills.

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

That makes perfect sense. I don't know enough about how the body works to understand how different bodies make different uses of hormones....but I suppose that some people's bodies are more sensitive to hormonal fluctuations, and I'm just one of them. Also, having a fairly low libido makes it all too obvious when one of the factors affecting it is tweaked, even if it is just one factor.

It's not like my side effects on HBC are earth shatteringly terrible, it's just that they're there, and I resent them. It's stupid, but I know so many people who are on antidepressants and whatnot, and I feel awful for them having to use chemicals to tweak their moods to feel better. I'm so lucky to have escaped that need, and so now the last thing I want is for my mood to be at the mercy of chemicals too! Possibly irrational and silly, but eh.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's silly at all. We all have different "requirements" in terms of HBC side effects we're willing to live with and those that are deal breakers. Knowing those deal breakers in advance can help you made educated decisions about which contraceptive choices might work best for you.

Like you mentioned elsewhere in this post, a good strategy might be to make an appointment at a family planning clinic to discuss IUD insertion, and then try Nuva Ring (or continue to use condoms temporarily if you're more comfortable with that) until that happens.

[mashuta.livejournal.com]

i am pretty sure i have a naturally-low libido. sometimes it's a problem in relationships, but whatever, i dont think of it as a particularly terrible character flaw of mine. everything comes in a rainbow, so it's important you find a partner that matches your "settings". i've been on several birth contol pills, which didnt seem to do much to my libido one way or another. the only difference i've noticed is my desire disappears almost altogether if i'm depressed. being physically active i think does perk me up a bit. if you're at a uni, you should have some pretty low-cost gym options through them [unless australia is vastly different from us in that regard?].
also, i got an iud through planned parenthood in june. i can tell you more about it if you have questions, and also there's a pretty active community called iud_divas specifically dedicated to all things iud. hope this helped! ;)

[mlle-petal.livejournal.com]

Yah, I think you're right - finding a partner who understands your differences makes it feel less like a 'problem.'

The uni gym thing is...complicated and political. Bah. I am going to try getting some exercise, though. I've always been so lazy because I'm a skinny girl, but that hardly means I'm physically fit! I hope exercise will make me less tired. I still get drowsy after nine hours sleep, often. And that's bad.

I'm looking at getting an IUD through a similar organisation here. They have a travelling gyno, so I think I'm actually more likely to get it inserted by an expert if I go the dodgy public health route than if I go to an expensive GP, ironically :) I'm a little apprehensive, but I don't think the risks are great enough to not give it a go.