Protection, Oral Sex, Weight Loss

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

'Ello! I have quite a few questions to ask, icluding stories, of varying and random topics, just things I have been wondering about lately and decided to consult you lovely ladies!


So..
1.I started the pill exactly a week ago, and will be seeing my boyfriend a week from now. I know how desperately he wants to have sex without a condom (well, I do too!) but I'm worried about it. I was wondering is it just me being the normal over-paranoid obsesser, or should I still have him wear a condom? We haven't seen each other in a month and a half and I know it's going to be like mad crazy sex >__< meaning in great amounts, so condom or no condom?

2.I completely adore my boy, and we've been dating since February. We only really see each other once a month because we live a few states apart. So I have only really gone down on him a few times, and the most recent time was kindof, um.. uncomfortable for me. I have the gift of having no gag reflex, and everything was happening along merrily until, as he got closer to orgasm, he started pushing my head down really forcefully. I tried to pull back a little bit because he was kindof making me gag, but he's way too strong for me. So it just continued like that and I was like, almost crying just because I felt like I was being used by him. I didn't say anything about it after, and he apologized on his own later for getting too "passionate", which I understand. I just don't know exactly what I should do.. like talk to him or not?

3. Simple question for once; does marijuana/alcohol affect the functionability of the pill?

4. And lastly, I feel like my weight has been steadily climbing (because it has), and I've always been super uncomfortable with my body image, and I just want to lose weight! I've probably been on and off trying to lose weight for the past 2 years, and I've had problems with anorexia in the past. I don't really know how to eat normally.. I always manage to go at either extreme; overeating or starving myself. Help?

Thank you for reading my life story >__< And thanks for helping out! ♥

PS If I do end up having sex without a condom, how do you manage the post-lovin' clean-up without it being awkward? And like, should you immediately go like shower to try and get it err... out? I don't know, I'm completely clueless as to what to do >__<

Comments

[riot-gurl-86.livejournal.com]

1. my suggestion is to do whatever you feel most comfortable with. If you'd rather use a condom (for extra super protection, or less mess) then use one, if you're okay with not-then don't. I'm a bit paranoid when it comes to condoms and using them, so I understand your dilemma. If all else fails, alternate-use one one time, then not the next time.
2.Let him know you have limits. If you're pushing back, let him firmly know that it means "don't go any farther". My trick to prevent this is to put your hand at the base, while your mouth is on him. Then, you can use your hand as a limit to how far your mouth goes down (does that make sense-like a "stopper" if you will) that usually helps me.
3.Not sure on this one. I'm sure one of the wise ladies will help you!
4.definitely do not starve yourself-that's not good at all. maybe keep track of what you eat by writing it down. that seems to help to find out just how much you're eating, and if you need to cut back on sugary drinks, or fast-food (just examples from what I eat! lol) Hopefully that will help.

I hope I helped some!

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

I usually do the whole "hand on the base" thing, but I obviously knew he wanted me to exercise my deep throat abilities and I guess I just wanted to please him, or whatever. That made more sense in my head, >_<. And I actually have been trying to write down what I'm eating, and I find it helps a lot! thanks for your advice! n___n <3

[antisocialite.livejournal.com]

I've been keeping track of my diet/exercise on fitday.com

it's free, and has tons of foods already in the database, and you can add custom foods. You also track your exercise and weight at the same time. I have it set as my "homepage" so I don't forget (I'm at a computer all day anyway). It's working better for me then WW did. I got tired of the points and the calculating. The only thing is you have to make sure you enter sleeping as an activity or it will say you are burning a lot more calories a day then you really are. I also have to enter in my time at my desk at work all day, too. But its simple and I'm liking it a lot!

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

Hi!

Would you mind editing your post and adding a descriptive subject line? This is helpful for organizational purposes, and we ask everyone to do it because it makes things easier to find.

For more information on what we mean, take a look at this part (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#Have_I_typed_out_a_descriptive_subject_header_and.2For_LJ-cut_text_that_lets_readers_know_what_my_post_is_about.3F) of our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ).

Thanks!

mangofandango
For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
contact_vp

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

No problem, fixed!

[grrlx.livejournal.com]

Regarding point two, definitely talk to him about your feelings. I can completely understand your not liking that. Just be up front about it and let him know. If you don't mind a little bit of head pushing, come up with some sign that lets him know when you start becoming uncomfortable- such as grabbing his hand or tapping him on the stomach or some such.

As for point one, for some reason I was thinking that it took awhile for the pill to kick in, but it looks like a week (for the combination pill) is the most time it takes. I think you should be fine.

Point three (I didn't plan on replying to any but number two lol), It does not look like alcohol affects the effectiveness of the pill (unless you get drunk and throw up the pill), but according to GoAskAlice (http://www.goaskalice.columbia.edu/1789.html): "studies have shown that taking the birth control pill affects the way women's bodies process alcohol, leading to higher blood alcohol concentrations (BAC) and intensifying the effects of intoxication." So be careful and responsible. I also doubt that marijuana has any affect on the pill.

[sweetthea.livejournal.com]

1. I you've started your pill at the beginning of your period or for seven days for any other day start, then you are completely protected. If you still feel paranoid then use a condom, but you are fully protected.

2. If it made you feel so uncomfortable, you should talk to him about it. But make sure you do it during a non-sexual time when you two can have a real conversation about it.

3. No. Alcohol would probably do it, but only if threw up and it had been less than two hours before you've taken your pill. Most experts agree that it takes at least two hours for the pill to fully absorb into your bloo stream.

4.I wish I could help you, but I've struggled with an ED for years now so I'm not about to give anyone advice :)

[sweetthea.livejournal.com]

2. *less than two hours AFTER you had taken your pill.

Condoms, oral sex and weight loss, oh my!

[sororbabylon.livejournal.com]

1. Condoms are awesome and you are not being paranoid at all!! You have every right to insist on using them no matter what, no explanation required.

2. That's a tough place to be. It's possible that he really just got caught up in the heat of the moment and would hate that you felt used or any negative emotions. I think it's important to let him know how that made you feel. Also, the first comment had a fantastic suggestion (putting your hand at the base) for preventing him from going too far.

3. I highly suggest going on weight watchers. I hate to "endorse", but they have a great method of making surey ou eat just enough to lose weight but not deprive yourself of food.

Good luck!!

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

Your subject line makes me giggle. Have you gone on weight watchers before? OR had friends/siblings? I've known this one woman who's been supposedly doing it for years and looks no different! (Then again, I think she cheats all the time >_<)

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

My roommate's used WW to lose about, oh, ten pounds or so? As a recovered anorexic, it seems like a diet that would be very sane and not triggering because it doesn't designate some foods as "bad" or off-limits, but rather emphasizes eating lots of things (and enjoying it) in moderation. My roomie doesn't go to the meetings (I think being weighed in front of everyone could be hard for someone with an ED), but rather uses their on-line program and really likes it.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

Yeah that is something I definitely need to overcome; the "good food bad food" complex. And I hadn't realize they had an online program! Thanks for informing me! <3

[cbackson.livejournal.com]

I hope you can find something that works for you. Figuring out how to have a normal relationship to food is so hard when you've had an ED, but it *is* possible--good luck and take care!

[grrlx.livejournal.com]

And I like your icon, btw. Very colorful.

And here (http://studenthealth.oregonstate.edu/answerspot/message.php?message=2262) is a link regarding marijuana and the pill. Looks like you're safe.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

Thanks babe, for the links and advice and everything! n___n Very helpful and sweet, you are. (Yoda talk for the win!)

[grrlx.livejournal.com]

No prob. Have fun :)

[missjecka.livejournal.com]

1. Whatever makes you feel most comfortable.

2. Definitely talk to him! Having any kind of sex is about mutual comfort. Communication is key!

3. I'm not sure, but I doubt it. I know that marajuana, cigarettes, and smoking other things can increase your risk of having a stroke, which therefore increases the risk you already have of having one while on most HBCs.

4. See a nutritionist or dietitican. They'll help you understand how to eat right and how to properly manage your weight.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Maybe you two need to develop some kind of "rule." I personally have a "no hands on my head" rule because I hate the feeling of having my head pushed down. But you could vary that in a lot of ways - if you push his hands away they need to stay away, or whatever. Having some kind of signal or rule makes it much easier to avoid these kinds of unpleasant situations, and to say "stop!" when he needs to stop without making a big deal of it or ruining the moment or whatever.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

It's not exactly that I mind his hands on my head, I actually really enjoy the dom/sub roles (me being submissive), but the way things played out that time, I literally felt like I was just a tool for him to use to get off. :/

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that you should have the same rule as me! Just that for me at least, its helpful to have either "rules" against things that bug you, or a signal you can use to say "too far." You have to have some way of stopping things before they start to upset you, and having a preset signal makes that a lot easier and less confrontational.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

Hehe, I was just mentioning it. The rule idea is a good one though, just like formulate a signal with him or whatever. n__n Thanks, lovely!

[archangelbeth]

*nod* Yes, if you're playing D/s games, it's a good idea to have a safeword. (Or, in that case, safe-gesture.) Keeps you from having to tell him that if he can't respect your desire on that, you'll have to tie his hands behind his back before you deep-throat him.

So, yeah, at least talk to him about safewords/safe-gestures sometime when you're not in a sexually charged time/place. If you'd really been choking, you could have thrown up if he hadn't given you some room, for instance.

[mightyj.livejournal.com]

2. In his book, Venus and Mars in the Bedroom, John Gray points out that women universally loathe this behavior in men :) As has already been stated, talk to him about it. I also have the no hands rule and my man respects religiously; his opinion is a mouth on the cock is better than no mouth on the cock and he'll do whatever it takes to make me feel comfortable.

4. In January I decided enough was enough in terms of my weight. I started out reading You On A Diet and following their suggestions. I then started reading books on nutrition and reading labels at the grocery store. So far I've lost 15 painless pounds. The basics: walk for a minimum of 30 minutes a day, every day. Read labels, don't buy anything that has sugar in the first 5 ingredients, stick to low fat foods, drink lots of water, eat simple foods (fruit, plain veggies, etc), don't deny yourself when you have food cravings (just keep the portions small), if you eat meat, eat more chicken and fish and less beef.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

Thanks for all the very helpful tips on dieting! I'm actually a vegetarian so the meat thing doesn't apply n__n But I was wondering about the "don't eat anything that has sugar in the first 5 ingredients"? Is that just because it therefore has a higher amount of sugar in it?

[mightyj.livejournal.com]

Yep. Sugar is 'empty' calories; that is it has energy but no nutritional value. The idea is to eat nutrient dense foods that have lots of vitamin, minerals and fiber (fiber fills you up without calories and aids in digestion). I was traditionally a Dew-a-holic; just cutting down to one Dew a day helps a lot with weight loss. It also amazed me how many juices in the grocery store are just flavored sugar water -- now I only buy real fruit juice and drink it in smaller amounts than I used to.

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Regarding 2... I don't think that's completely true. I don't like it all the time, but sometimes it's a huge turnon to feel used by someone I know loves me.

[my-neighborhood.livejournal.com]

It's completely valid that you feel used, but remember he can't read your mind. Absolutely talk to him about it and let him know you don't appreciate him doing it without your permission in the future.

[humofyourvoice.livejournal.com]

1. If your pill says you're protected after a week of continuous use or somesuch, then by all means, go crazy. I've heard that some pills require one full cycle before full protection begins, so your mileage may vary. Check the packaging info. If you're still nervous, consider using a spermicide. :)

2.You should absolutely talk to him about this. I know that I like it when my boy has his hands in my hair, but if he pushes, that's a complete deal-breaker. Gagging is not fun for anyone! This goes TRIPLE if it makes you feel used in a way that you are not comfortable with. Talk to him about this in a non-sexual situation, maybe over pizza or after an at-home movie. Make it clear that you still accept his apology, but that you feel you need to make your feelings known. Then he can be a part of finding a solution.
In one of your responses to another poster, you said that you were a little bit into D/s. If you want to incorporate this kind of play, where he physically exerts his dominance over you and you aren't in a position to respond -- having his member jammed down your throat makes it hard to utter a safeword -- consider getting a jingly ball cat toy. If things get too intense, or you feel like you need to stop, drop the ball and it will jingle to let him know what's up. :)
As always, if you are planning to have any kind of BDSM in your relationship, it's a good idea to establish a safeword before hand. My boyfriend and I either just use "safeword," "red light"... Or just anything that sounds really ridiculous. There's no reason I'd shout "ASPARAGUS!" in the middle of sex.

3. There haven't been any hard conclusive studies about this, but most medical opinion says no. :) You should be just fine.

4. I echo the weight watchers suggestion. I know that one of my friends has experienced a great deal of success with this program. :)

PS Keep some tissues or a towel by the bed to put between your legs to catch all the goo... It just sort of leaks out. Ew! ;) After sex, it's a good idea to go pee, to prevent urinary tract infections. If you can squeeze your pc muscles enough to do so, you can just hold all the goo in until you can get to the potty, then squeeze it out and take care of everything in one fell swoop. :)

[x-hypatia-x.livejournal.com]

1.) You'll be as safe as you're going to be, but only you know how safe you need to be to feel comfortable. However, I'm going to point out something you might not have thought of--while condom-free sex is more convenient at the time, if you're gonna be having a whole lot of sex, condoms are actually more convenient, as it keeps everything tidier without necessarily needing to shower in between. I haven't met many guys who were okay with providing oral sex after condom-free intercourse. So, actually, you might have more than one reason to use condoms. :)

2.) Talk to him, but not in a "You bastard!" way. I would just mention that you were happy he enjoyed it, but felt a little stressed when you couldn't pull back. I agree with the posters who've said that you need some equivalent of a safeword, so you might want to suggest to him that if you do X (tap on his back, squeeze his knee, whatever), he should stop holding you in place. I can't imagine that he wouldn't be happy about this; he'll get free rein to do what he likes without having to worry, because as soon as you're not okay with it, he'll know.

3.) No, as others have said.

4.) I can't help with this because I have similar issues, but I wish you luck. Exercise is always good and often can act alone to make you feel more positive about your body, even before you're seeing changes.

P.S. I'm perfectly willing to let it all drip out onto my sheets. I wash them regularly. It's cool. But if you don't feel comfortable with that, lie there for a moment after sex, then go pee as soon as you're finished with the quick-cuddle part. You want to sort of bear down, and also blot/wipe with toilet paper. Stand there for a bit with your legs spread over the toilet, then bear down again and blot again. If you're going to go for another round soon, then after the peeing part, you scoop inside your vagina with your fingers to get any remainder out, then use a wet washcloth to clean up, and you should be pretty good. (But don't be surprised if you thought it was all gone and it drips down your thighs a half hour later.)

[nivas.livejournal.com]

as far as the head pushing-gagging thing- if he does it again after you talk to him, i would say to lightly bite down. oral sex is about trust on both parts, and if he is abusing you, you have the oligation to fight back.

[kawaii-addicted.livejournal.com]

"lightly bite down"
That's hilarious! xDDD

srsly

[nivas.livejournal.com]

it will stop him in his tracks, for sure. just don't hurt him. a light graze and he will be as uncomfortable as he is making you. only use this after talking of course. sometimes men feel that women are helpless, and if he responds to your talk in this way, let him know that you are not, that the sub/dom is a sex game not the be-all/end-all.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

Sorry if I'm reading this incorrectly, but did you perhaps mean that if someone is abusing you (generally speaking, not you specifically), you have the option to fight back? I'm kind of wondering because, as someone who's been in an abusive relationship, I feel kind of uncomfortable about the idea of having an obligation to fight back. For one reason, it took me a long time to accept that my then-boyfriend was the one who created the situation; I did feel like I needed to keep myself as safe as possible, but he was the one who had the obligation not to abuse. For another, fighting back may always be the best course of action; there are times when it could escalate the situation and put a person into physical danger.

Of course, I understand that I'm bringing my own reactions to this and that the OP didn't classify her relationship as abusive. I mean, this particular event doesn't sound good, but it may or may not be characteristic of her relationship as a whole. And that may also factor in to how she chooses to respond. :)

(frozen)

[nivas.livejournal.com]

I do mean that we all, as women, have an obligation to fight back. I think that we are taught that it is an option, but how many men do you know think that if they are put in a threatening situation that it is not thier obligation to protect themselves? We are taught to expect that people should be caring towards us, and rightly so, as people should be, but if their not, you have an obligation to yourself to protect yourself. Obligation meaning that when someone else does not fulfill their responsibility to you, that it is your responsibility to yourself.

In terms of what you are referencing in your past relationship, you are right. I have worked to get over abuse myself, and I realize that the reason that the abuse went on in the first place was because in many instances, I basically endured it. Honestly, I don't think you should fight back to save a relationship. What I really mean is, as a matter of survival, your own survival, if someone is gagging you, you should use the means necessary to save yourself. Both the physical and emotional anguish. If you don't feel that you have that obligation to yourself, then your self-worth is not where it should be.

(frozen) maintainer note

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

Hi, nivas. I'm writing on behalf of the VP Team to express concern that the attitude and/or wording above do not foster what we consider Safe Space (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F) in this community, and may fall under the category of victim blaming (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22victim_blaming.22_and_why_is_it_not_allowed_in_VP.3F).

Specifically, we are concerned about your statement, "What I really mean is, as a matter of survival, your own survival, if someone is gagging you, you should use the means necessary to save yourself. Both the physical and emotional anguish. If you don't feel that you have that obligation to yourself, then your self-worth is not where it should be." Telling someone at the receiving end of an abusive relationship how she "should" respond implies that there is, in fact, a "right" way to respond -- and that not fighting is NOT it. It's not possible to predict how individuals will react to such a stressful situation, and it's not always reasonable to assume that survivors will react in a way that we -- as people outside the situation -- deem best.

We realize that your comments were not specifically addressed to the OP so much as general advice for situations of abuse. This is why we are linking to our policy on victim blaming and empowerment.

Please consider this a warning as well as a friendly reminder to take this opportunity to review VP's policies. You can find more information on these in our FAQ (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ), as linked here:

--What are VP's rules? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_are_the_rules.3F)
--What is "safe space"? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22Safe_Space.22.3F)
--What is "victim blaming"? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_is_.22victim_blaming.22_and_why_is_it_not_allowed_in_VP.3F)
--What do you mean by "empowerment" and why is it important in VP? (http://www.vaginapagina.com/index.php?title=VaginaPagina_FAQ#What_do_you_mean_by_.22empowerment.22_and_why_is_it_important_in_VP.3F)

You are more than welcome to make a post over in contact_vp or to contact us via email (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php) if you'd like to talk more about this matter or clarify any points; we only ask that you avoid commenting further here out of respect for the OP. For that reason, replies to this thread will be frozen.


Autumn
For the VP Team (http://www.vaginapagina.com/contact.php)
contact_vp

[nivas.livejournal.com]

also, in terms of escalation of violence, what I am saying is that you have an obligation to protect yourself. If the violence will escalate, then of course, don't make it worse. That is also your obligation to yourself. But, I don't believe that in all instances that it would. That is one of those things that you have to figure out per situation, what is best for you.

[mari-mac1109.livejournal.com]

For #4 may I recommend a free service (and great community) that allows you to track you eating and exercise as well as read a zillion articles on good nutrition?

It's really helping me out right now and has been for the past several months!

if you're at all interested, http://www.sparkpeople.com

The main perk for me is that it's free, unlike WW!

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

1. After 7 days of perfect use you are protected by the pill! No condom necessary if you're monogamous and STD-free.

2. Yes, you need to tell him this upset you. The most likely thing that happened is that he just didn't realize how rough he was being and didn't catch on that you were trying to pull away, but you need to let him know that's what you were doing and that you felt like he was forcing you. Just mention it to him sometime when you aren't in the bedroom (driving around somewhere is always a good time to have conversations about sensitive things, no pressure to perform or anything like that). Something simple like, "Hey, I love giving you blowjobs, but that time when you got a little rough and were pushing my head down it scared/upset me. I love doing it for you, I just think I need to go at my own pace more. And if I start feeling uncomfortable or anything I'll definitely let you know" is probably all you need to say. Like others have said, a signal should be fine.

3. Not unless using them makes you forget to take your pill on time. They don't affect the body's absorption of it. However, estrogen tends to make you get drunk on less and stay drunk longer (it affects the body's absorption of alcohol) so if this is your first time drinking on BC don't necessarily assume you'll need the same amount as before to get a buzz. You might need less to achieve the same effect.

4. I would recommend finding yourself a nutritional counselor of some kind -- someone who can objectively look at your eating habits and tell you what about them is healthy and unhealthy, and come up with a plan for you to maintain a healthy weight while eating normally.

5. I snuggle for a few minutes with my boyfriend, then get up and say, "Okay, gotta go to the bathroom now." Usually just peeing and wiping is all I need to do, and if I keep my legs clenched on the way to the bathroom I can usually avoid spillage. :-P Having a box of Kleenex or some other wipes on hand is also helpful. It's never been awkward with us, it's just like, "Heh, you made such a mess, ya jerk."

[scien.livejournal.com]

2. It's very easy for him to do that when lost in the moment and he probably has no idea just how uncomfortable it is for you. The solution is to have a hand wrapped around the base of his penis. It'll feel good to him and it will stop him from being able to push more of himself into your mouth than you want, while still getting a kick from having his hands around your head.

3. Nope

P.S.: I suggest baby wipes. They hold together much better than tissues and leave you more refreshed. You don't have to jump into the shower after each time you have sex, but be aware that you might still have some moisture dripping out of you after sex, so I suggest having some very thin liners (I like Carefree) so that doesn't bother you.