Herpes question I can't find a straight answer to:

[manda-nut.livejournal.com]

Can some one with herpes still have sex??

It may sound silly, but no one has given me a straight answer on this one. And I didn't find it anywhere else on the community. I don't know which type of herpes I have (when I asked the nurse she looked at me all confused and asked "why does it matter? It's herpes"). I'm on a twice-a-day anti-viral. I've never had a sore in my mouth (or eye or nose etc.). I switched birth control so I only have my period 4 times a year with the hope that fewer hormone changes would mean fewer outbreaks. I'm not at all opposed to using a condom. And I haven't had an outbreak in months.

So what's the scoop? Valtrex ads on tv would have me think they're the only way I may not spread herpes, but it's still going to happen eventually (and I'm allergiv to Valtrex, damn them!). The "INTERNETSS!!!11" would have me think that I should just kill myself now because I'll never find someone to have sex with me. And I've already had one great guy stop dating me when I told him.

Thanks in advance!

Comments

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[cbackson.livejournal.com]

I think it was a good impulse (especially considering the way people often react to STIs), but it's important not to make people with HIV feel *more* stigmatized in the process.

(frozen)

[laurenoid.livejournal.com]

I can tell you didn't mean to be insulting and you have explained yourself well...but I wonder if there are people here living with HIV who aren't willing to identify themselves because this heavy, scary stigma still exists? Don't mean to point fingers, just a thought.

(frozen)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

We do have several members in this community who have identified to us that they are living with HIV; many others (myself included) have friends or loved ones who are living with HIV. And I would imagine that there may yet be others who have chosen not to identify their HIV status to us.

I agree with laurenoid that I understand you weren't trying to be insulting -- sometimes things slip out. However, even if there weren't members living with HIV in this community, one thing VP always focuses on is combating the harmful social stigma of STIs.

For people living with HIV, or who have seen a friend living with HIV, the implications of using the colloquial meaning of "leper" as "outcast" can be painfully familiar. People living with HIV are still denied jobs and still risk losing friends and family relationships if they disclose their status. For reasons of sensitivity, and in the context of VP's goal to discuss STIs without stigma, it may be best to avoid making such comparisons in the future.

(frozen)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I'm speaking to you now as a member and a person who has loved ones struggling with the stigma of HIV, not as a maintainer; I was not seeking further clarification on your statements, but rather commenting to clarify that not only are there members living with HIV in this community, but how some statements impact those of us who have loved ones who are HIV positive.

(frozen)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry if it seems like "overkill" to you; however, members may have enough personal investment in a public, open discussion that they want to engage in it and have their voice included.

While I'm sorry if you feel that this is directed at you, I would suggest instead that it's a reflection of many of our personal desires to add to a group of voices supporting new ways of thinking about STIs and stigma.

(frozen)

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the request. Generally, if you feel a comment is inappropriate the best way to address that with us is to drop us an email or let us know over at contact_vp.

However, for what it's worth the maintainers are discussing that thread currently -- though I will also add that the maintainer team never, ever deletes comments.

-Melissa
For the VP Team