Herpes question I can't find a straight answer to:

[manda-nut.livejournal.com]

Can some one with herpes still have sex??

It may sound silly, but no one has given me a straight answer on this one. And I didn't find it anywhere else on the community. I don't know which type of herpes I have (when I asked the nurse she looked at me all confused and asked "why does it matter? It's herpes"). I'm on a twice-a-day anti-viral. I've never had a sore in my mouth (or eye or nose etc.). I switched birth control so I only have my period 4 times a year with the hope that fewer hormone changes would mean fewer outbreaks. I'm not at all opposed to using a condom. And I haven't had an outbreak in months.

So what's the scoop? Valtrex ads on tv would have me think they're the only way I may not spread herpes, but it's still going to happen eventually (and I'm allergiv to Valtrex, damn them!). The "INTERNETSS!!!11" would have me think that I should just kill myself now because I'll never find someone to have sex with me. And I've already had one great guy stop dating me when I told him.

Thanks in advance!

Comments

[tornattheelbo.livejournal.com]

I think you haven't got a straight answer because there is no straight answer. In short: Sure you can HAVE sex, but you need to be alerting your partners that you DO carry the virus and that it could potentially spread, even if you're having protected sex. Then your partner needs to decide if he/she wants to proceed.

Some people will say 'no' and that's ok. Hurtful for you maybe, but that's their decision to make with the information that you give them.

[jenmarie.livejournal.com]

I test positive for both HSV1 and HSV2 and have had a few people say they wouldn't be interested, but most of my friends say it wouldn't be a deal-breaker at all.

My husband is HSV2 negative, by the way. We've been together 10 years and have unprotected sex with each other. I do not take Valtrex or any other sort of suppressive medication. I have one daughter that I had vaginally, and am pregnant with another child that I will also be having vaginally.

Herpes is FAR from a sentence of sexual DOOM. About 25% of the adult population in the US has HSV2. More than 80% have HSV1. Both HSV1 and HSV2 can be either genital or oral, and can be transmitted to/from either location.

Trust me, 25% of the population isn't abstaining from sex due to an annoying recurring skin condition. ;)

And that's all herpes is.

The reason the nurse probably looked all confused is because I'm betting she KNOWS that herpes is really, really common and not that big of a deal and was wondering why you'd think you couldn't have sex. That was probably not the best way for her to make sure you weren't confused about it. *laugh*

Disclosure to potential partners is a MUST, and while condoms are not as protective with HSV (or HPV) as with most other STDs, they do help.

When you disclose, don't bring it up like it's this awful, hideous thing. When YOU treat it like it's not a big deal, others are much more likely to do the same. Just be armed with information, as many people have questions about it. You might get a rejection, but you might find that people are much more likely to be accepting of it when you know the scoop on it and can share info with them in a calm, laid-back manner. :)

Good luck!

[rkt.livejournal.com]

i'm going to be a bit radical and say you don't even HAVE to tell the person you're having sex with you have the virus. maybe you should. maybe you shouldn't. it's really you're call.
do unto to others. blah. blah. blah.

if you're asked, that's another story. and "forgetting" is not an excuse.

i have friends who have hsv(1) from loving family members who kissed them as babies. they've kissed countless people. no disclosure anywhere there. why should sex be escalated to a higher level? that just reinforces the "dirtyness" of teh sex.

[earthstone.livejournal.com]

YES, you can have sex. your vaginal hole is not welded shut. though if you have sex with an outbreak, it can be rather painful, and your partner will most likely get the virus.

i have herpes,HSV-1(genitals) and i am in a relationship with someone who cares it too, i passed it to them. we talked about it for a while before we had sex, and did our best to not transfer it, but it still happened, even with condoms and no breakout.

you just need to be honest. and yeah, it sucks having to pause being hot and heavy and tell them, but its better to be safe and honest, than have guilt of passing it on without telling the person.

oh, and you should go back to the doctor and find out which kind it is. HSV-1 and HSV-2 can both be on the genitals or mouth.

[squeeblette.livejournal.com]

people have already given you some fantastic answers which I second, and I just want to mention that a female condom, as opposed to a male condom tends to offer a bit more coverage of the genitals, and as such it might offer your partner a bit better protection from being infected

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

My guess is that you have hsv2, though this is only a guess. The main difference between the types is that hsv1 tends to be less frequent and less severe - most people with hsv1 get outbreaks every few months to every few years, and they go away fairly easily with treatment, usually in a few days. To contrast, people with hsv2 often have monthly outbreaks (for many women, right when they star their period) that are difficult to control. It is vastly more likely for someone to take a daily anti-viral if they have hsv2, and so given that and what you've mentioned about your periods, I'm guessing that's what you have.

Hsv2 is a more serious impediment to a healthy sex life than hsv1 is, but it is by no means the end of the world. You will still find people who will want to have sex with you (and yes, you absolutely can still have sex)! It's nervewracking to tell someone something like this and face rejection, but people get rejected every day for worse reasons and you can be strong enough to move past it if it happens. Someone else gave you very good advice when they suggested you have a quiet talk with someone you like a lot wherein you present it as an issue but not the worst thing in the world, and where you come to the table armed with information and strategies.

Yes, you are less likely to get casual sex, but short of that most people who find themselves really interested in you will be willing to take the risk so long as you both do what you can to reduce that risk. My guess is that disclosure of hsv2 would probably cause rejection of casual sex by maybe as many as 50% of potential partners, but for someone who is interested in pursuing you as a real relationship, my guess is that the rejection figure is probably more like 5-10%. Love and communication are stronger than a stupid virus.

I know this comment maybe isn't the most carefree, but I think I'm giving you a fairly accurate representation of what potential rejection you might face based on my own friends and lovers who have talked to me about how they choose whether or not to reject someone based on STI-status.

[laudanumdream.livejournal.com]

To the OP... have you talked to your doctor to see if there are any alternatives to Valtrex that you can take? I don't know much about STIs or the medicines that come with them, but if people have penicillin allergies, there's usually something else they can prescribe. Perhaps there's another option? I'm thinking that you probably already talked to your doctor, though...since you know you're allergic...

Anyway, good luck with your search. I found this community seems pretty active. [Unknown site tag]

[avenginglioness.livejournal.com]

Valtrex reduces the chance of spreading herpes, but it isn't entirely foolproof. I think the basic idea is to be on suppressive therapy, which you would be if you are taking an anti-viral. Would you mind telling me which one you are on? I'm really curious. :)