Relationship Milestones

[ruari-explained.livejournal.com]

I've recently started to see someone new and it got me thinking. How do you decided when to advance the relationship physically (ie kissing, oral, spending the night, sex)? Do you have a set amount of time, like 3 dates before having sex for example, or does it depend on the person?

I just feel silly thinking like "Well, on Tuesday I'll do this for the first time, and then when I see him next week, we'll go to third base. If things progress well, I'll let him stay over on the 23rd..."

Comments

[starzysky.livejournal.com]

Before I lost my virginity, I did set a time for when I would allow sex (1 1/2 years). I was proud of waiting that long, and I was able to tell my mother I needed birth control and not feel ashamed. Since then, I've just let relationships develop naturally. I only have criteria that I have to *know* it will be a real relationship before I will sleep with someone. Sometimes I *know* pretty quickly. And I've always been right. (Truth is, I could never really KNOW that it'd work out...but I am a decent judge of character & tend to seek out guys that are looking for committment anyway.)

So..letting a relationship happen at a natural pace makes the most sense to me. But I could completely understand someone wanting to delay sex, spending the night, living together, for a certain number of months. Those things just mean more to some people.

At some point it would just make things awkward though. I know a couple that had dated for YEARS and the girl would NOT say "I Love You." Just because she didn't want to say it until her wedding. It was BS if you ask me--she was head over heels in love with him, and he told her he loved her all the time. She always replied, "I really, really like you." It hurt him that she wouldn't say it. Finally she gave in & admitted it though.

[bluesuitcase.livejournal.com]

I agree. I'm currently with my first boyfriend/sexual partner, and he is in the same position. Although we have been together for two years, we are holding off PIV sex until I feel comfortable asking my mother for birth control [I would not want to go on it without her knowing, or have sex without HBC.] We've paced ourselves a lot more slowly than a lot of friends, I guess...we did not kiss until after a month of being 'together,' and had oral sex after 1.5 years. Although creativity can change things, we just always want to have 'something left to do' without rushing everything.