Location of hymen?

[ms-octopus-lady.livejournal.com]

My virgin boyfriend and my virgin self decided about a week ago to give sex the ol' college try. And it was a bigger disaster than previously expected. He couldn't even get in. I knew our first time was going to be awkward and weird, but I didn't make plans on how to deal with that situation. We tried a few more times, using different positions and such, but after about twenty minutes, the pain and frustration (but mostly the pain) was getting to me, and I soon was in tears. And in case anyone was wondering, we used lots of lube, I was really turned on when we started, I wasn't nervous, and he held me close and wiped away my tears when I started to cry. Aww.

So, after getting some advice from the lovely people over at sextips, I've been trying to stretch my vagina, I guess is the phrase for it. First, I'll insert one finger in, then another, then maybe even a third, to kind of get myself used to penetration. I started today, so I put a finger in, but was only about to get an inch in before I hit a blockade. Whenever I pushed my finger against this blockade, even the smallest bit, it would hurt. I wasn't have a lot of fun, so I pulled my finger out.

So...do you think that was my hymen, or my vaginal muscles? I'm really nervous that I have primary vaginismus, so I came here to ask you all of the location of the hymen. Is the hymen about an inch into the vagina? Do you think that's what it is? And if, odds are, it is the hymen, any ideas on how to break it...painlessly (even though I think this is wishful thinking)?

Thanks.

Comments

[amaranthxrose.livejournal.com]

The hymen is at the opening of your vagina.

[malantha.livejournal.com]

Your hymen is actually on the outside (see this picture (http://www.actiontao.com/image/hymen.jpg) for reference), so if you can get that far I doubt that's it. My guess is that you're either just running into a "curve", or your cervix is low.

First try moving your finger around and bending it in different directions, particularly upwards toward your belly. Your vaginal canal isn't just a straight hole!

If you still can't seem to get past it, try either getting yourself aroused beforehand or wait til a different time your cycle. The canal typically grows longer when you become aroused to accomodate a penis, so it might just be short because you weren't into it. It also rises and lowers during different parts of your cycle (I forget when its higher and lower though..sorry!) so it could be that.

Either way, good luck and try not to get frustrated!

[ms-octopus-lady.livejournal.com]

My cervix is low? Is it possible that the cervix can be only one inch from the outside world?

Argh, arousal. My boyfriend and I are in an LDR right now, and I get nothing out of masturbation. Turning myself on without him around has been proving very difficult.

And what do you mean, my cycle? Do you mean, the time that I have my period, when I'm actually bleeding?

[emmycantbemeeko.livejournal.com]

Is it possible that the cervix can be only one inch from the outside world?

Sometimes, yep! At different points in your menstrual cycle (which is to say your full menstrual cycle, the ongoing cycle from menstruation to ovulation to menstruation to ovulation, not just the few days when you're bleeding) your cervix moves up and down. Sometimes, for some women, it's quite close to the opening. Also, your vaginal canal lengthens when you're aroused, so if you attempt€ penetration unaroused you may be amazed to find how little room there is in there sometimes. And of course the position your body is in matters too- in certain positions your canal is shortened (different for everyone, but most people find squatting shortens their canal significantly).

The hymen is right at the opening, but if by one inch you mean from the outer edge of your labia (which form the apparent "edge" of the opening when you're sort of... squished together) to the obstruction, then it could be the hymen. That you should be able to see with a hand mirror and a little contortion- if you spread your labia and see a membrane covering part of the true opening, or if you spread your labia and insert a finger and STILL find a blockage one inch in, it's probably not your hymen.

[manleigh03.livejournal.com]

That is the first picture of a hymen that actually semi-resembles what is inside of my vagina. So thank you for posting that! lol

[verypretty.livejournal.com]

Don't feel too badly about this...the same sort of thing happened to me the first time or so I tried to lose my virginity. I'm just throwing this in because I know how awful and depressed and just upset in general I felt about the whole thing, but (in my experience) it's perfectly normal and will work itself out. It might take a few tries, largely because (even though I know you're trying not to be!) the whole thing just seems like SUCH A BIG DEAL and makes you tense. And then it doesn't work how you feel it should be, and that makes you more tense, and then it hurts--etc. Just try to relax and have fun with it; maybe try not to go into it DETERMINED to have total penetrating sex. Play around, have fun, do what feels good--it's not all about putting it all in all at once, especially if it's uncomfortable for you! Good luck. :)

[roseyposey01.livejournal.com]

I feel confident in saying that about 70-75% of the time, the first time is AWFUL. It definitely takes a couple tries to even get things going, and that's even without the pain and whatnot. I'd try to relax more. It really sounds like your freaking yourself out and really stressing about it. I hope things start to get better pain wise though, that's no fun! :/

[paperwings21.livejournal.com]

What did this 'blockade' feel like? What was the texture, and so on?

[neemarita.livejournal.com]

I just want to say I'm sorry it wasn't the best experience for you! I don't have much in the way of constructive comments 'cause I'm a virgin, but I hope things do get better for you - the ladies on this community are wonderfully helpful as you can see! :D

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

I had a similar experience when I first tried (except it wasn't in such a loving relationship, and I was nervous as hell).

From my own experience, that blockade an inch in is the start of the really tight ring of vaginal muscle. This is what holds your vagina closed, normally (your vagina is like a collapsed/flattened tube, rather than a round and open tube). When you hit this, you might want to crook your finger forward and also bear down with your muscles (trying to push outwards). That might help. Also, make sure you're using lube.

Having this difficulty with penetration & inserting your finger doesn't necessarily mean you have vaginismus. As other replies have said, it's really quite normal to have pain at the start - especially if you're not used to inserting fingers.

[misswyoming.livejournal.com]

I used to have vaginismus and wasnt able to have sex til I was 27! Oddly, I have no idea about my hymen, there was no blood when I lost my virginity or any other random time and I think maybe I was born without one or it broke without me even noticing. My hymen has always been a puzzle to me:P When I had vaginismus I was still able to use tampons, although I hated it and made myself use them. Penetration from anything larger than that was impossible due to pain and hitting a wall of spasming muscles. It felt like a ring of muscle, like in your throat I'd imagine, and no matter what I did there was no breaking through it. I was like trying to push your fingers through the palm of your hand. When I finally broke through that barrier, further up there was another ring of muscle I couldn't get through. It felt like my vagina was in three sections. I eventually beat vaginismus with the help of a wonderful boyfriend who was very patient and understanding and we could talk to each other about anything. Also, due to having my life stolen by anxiety and depression I think I simply wasn't ready for sex until then and my body wouldn't let it happen. We broke through the barrier of vaginismus by regularly penetrating my vagina with one finger until it felt comfortable, then two, then working up to a penis until I could be fully penetrated. You can buy dilators for this 'desensitization' process, but to be honest you can do the same thing just as well with varying sized of carrots! I bought different sizes of vibrators to help me. There are also websites about vaginismus you might find helpful, even just to evaluate for yourself whether it is vaginismus you are suffering from.

I'm not saying it is vaginismus that you have, I'd go to my doctor to get examined for any possible physical problem which may be the cause of your pain (I did this, to rule anything else out before I knew for sure it was vaginismus). I just wanted you to hear the story of a vaginismus sufferer and how I overcame it if this is what the problem is. There is a very supportive and helpful yahoo community that I joined which I found invaluable. Can't remember the url but it's only a Google away. Best of luck and I hope things work out for you soon.

[xredefinex.livejournal.com]

don't worry too much about this... it takes a while to get things working right. just relax and enjoy it.
have you used tampons before? if you have, you should be able to fit a finger in there. and what position were you in when you've been doing this? maybe you just need to try something else.
&maybe you should ask your boyfriend to help. it might be easier if he did it for you... use lots of lube and relax (that's the most important thing) and let him finger you, slowly, with one finger first and then slowly move on to more.

[sakira-starwolf.livejournal.com]

Heh...I know how much this can hurt because of how my boyfriend and I started. Here's what I woulod recomend.

When we started out, neither of us wanted to have sex - and I want to wait until I'm married or engaged. Still, I saw no reason to not let him inside of me a little. However, the first time he tried to insert a finger inside? It hurt like hell. I was probably nervous and that didn't help, but it stayed that way for several weeks. He was patient, and slowly, we worked one finger inside. Now we're up to two. (It solved my other problem, curiously - now I can use tampons, even though I prefer not to.)

So, give it a few months of nothing but foreplay - if you're aroused and relaxed, after a while, you can try again.

[loveofdaisies.livejournal.com]

Oh that's good advice too, my boyfriend and I had several weeks of foreplay and fingering which helped me to sort of get used to it before we tried actual penetration.

[loveofdaisies.livejournal.com]

I agree with the comment above, almost always the first time hurts for everyone. I remember my first time I thought I was going to die from the pain and made him stop. The second time we tried, and it still hurt some, but not as bad. By my third and fourth time it came much easier. Just give it time and try not to worry about it too much. It's also been my experience that things go better if you just let them happen and don't like, PLAN to have sex on such and such night. (Not saying you're doing this, but it's advice if you are). Then there's less pressure and less to get worked up about.

This may just be me, but I've found the missionary position to be the easiest on me when it first hurt so bad. The only thing to make sure with that is that you have a boyfriend who is patient and will go as slow as you need him to. Mine was great about doing that. And it seemed to be less painful than having to sink down on him. Does that make sense?

Anyway, I wish you the best of luck! Just hang in there, it'll get better- promise.

[ranata.livejournal.com]

I was really turned on when we started, I wasn't nervous, and he held me close and wiped away my tears when I started to cry. Aww.

Aww! That is beautiful! My first time couldn't get it in the first time we tried either and boy did it hurt. I bleed for 3 days! I think it's definitely going to hurt and you have to do it the missionary way the first time because of that.

[loonylupinlover.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend and I had been doing foreplay for months before we moved on to trying sex, and since I could by then handle two of his fingers easily, my first time didn't hurt at all. The more exploration of each other's bodies before sex, the better!!! That can't be stressed enough. I hear of people trying to have sex without having ever done anything else and it just boggles me.

It was easiest for me to be on top our first time, but that's because there's a huge size difference between my boyfriend and I (14 inches of height and 100-150 pounds), and it's a lot easier for me to sit on him than it is for him to lie on me, heh.

I think your blockade is just your cervix. Sometimes for me it's like my vagina has this huge kink in it that sometimes is difficult to get past, but as long as there's enough lube and I'm aroused, it can be done.