I can orgasm by myself, but not with the boyfriend.

[astarlitnight.livejournal.com]

Hey guys.
I searched the archives and found nothing about this specifically, so here goes:
I have masturbated since I was 12, and have never ever had a hard time with giving myself an orgasm. I have a pretty high sex drive, and always considered myself one of the "lucky women" who wouldn't have problems having sexual pleasure in relationships. I was very eager to find that person to share my sexual pleasure with.
Well, I have found him. We've been dating for two+ years, and only lost our virginities to each other this last April. We've fooled around for almost the entirety of our relationship. We originally had planned to wait for marriage to have sex, but just decided to go for it one night (let me tell you, I'm so happy that I didn't wait til my wedding night to find out that sex isn't always what its cracked up to be...).
Anyway.
My problem is, my boyfriend absolutely cannot give me an orgasm. Its not for lack of trying; he will do absolutely anything I ask, and anything he thinks would work. He always puts my pleasure before his, and would kill to get me off. In short, he is wonderful, but I think I am broken. Sometimes I even have to avoid sex just because I don't want to have to masturbate by myself just to have an orgasm. Its terrible. I have only had an orgasm once during sex, from the help of a vibrator. I just don't know what it is.
Its getting really depressing. I'm getting sick of masturbating after we have sex, and I'm getting sick of always having to give myself one if I want one at all. I've never even come CLOSE with him. Please help us. Its doing a number on boyfriend's self esteem, and my general happiness. Thanks!

PS. I have several vibrators, but don't usually use them. I prefer the old-fashioned way.

Comments

[tyrsalvia.livejournal.com]

It is extremely rare that I come with a partner without the simultaneous aid of my own fingers. Usually I will have my partner penetrate me with a penis, dildo or fingers, and use my own fingers on my clit. This *is* how I have sex, it's not weird or somehow "less than" for me or my partners.

My suggestion is you have him fuck you from behind while you use your fingers on your clit, or similar.

If you are dead set on not using your own hands at all, it can work to have a partner use the fingers of one hand on your clit and the fingers of the other or a dildo inside you, or to use their tongue on your clit and fingers or dildo inside you. I like it when that happens, but it's a lot easier and affords more interesting positions for me to just use my own fingers.

[astarlitnight.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, part of the problem is that I can't get off at all while he fingers me/goes down on me or anything. Doing it from behind doesn't seem to work well for us, either. Sigh.

yep

[pippa026.livejournal.com]

I concur with this but would suggest missionary - I enjoy him going from behind but have never been able to get off that way.

It might work for you to masturbate yourself almost to orgasm and then have him put a finger or other item inside of you. I think that makes the guy feel like he is part of the experience rather than a sad spectator. Another thing you might try is watching each other masturbate until you get used to having an orgasm around him - then go from there.

I would suggest embarking on a search for the G-spot too. My boyfriend knows just how to stimulate mine and I have better orgasms when he works the inside and I work the outside. It keeps him feeling involved and a part of my pleasure - it is important because like you said, it can really damage a person's self esteem if he/she can't help you get off. Don't give up! Try to relax and let go. =)