GYN Trauma

[pamsfriends.livejournal.com]

Yesterday, I went to the gynecologist for the first time.

Never having been sexually active, I was determined not to be at risk for HPV and the pap smear was deemed unnecessary. Yay, right?

Not so fast.

They still had to do a pelvic exam with the finger...a digital exam, right?

Is it normal to feel totally and completely physically and emotionally violated by the experience?

Nothing, and I mean nothing, had ever been, you know, "up there" before that point. I have an irrational fear of cotton balls, so shoving tampons up there was out of the question, and I have never masturbated (I'm not morally against it or anything, I've just never felt the urge).

It was all like "questions, questions, questions," and I'm like "I can handle this, I will just answer her questions," and then HELLO FINGER REALLY FAR UP MY COOTER. I have a problem with my right foot and every three weeks I have to go in and have a procedure done without any anesthesia, and it hurts less than this.

She was all like "OK, this is your cervix." I felt like saying "Hey, it's awesome that I have one, now can you let go? It's not a bottle cap, it's not going to come off!"

I was in pain for the rest of the day. I am still in pain now. There is no physical reason why I should be in pain.

How can I get over this? I feel like I have been violated. I'm not one of those people who's afraid she's "not a virgin" because something's been up there now. I know I'm still a virgin.

Also, my GYN thought maybe I should seek counseling because I freaked out so much and that she worries for my future relationships. Right now all four relationships I've had have been long-distance, that is, I longed for someone and he kept his distance. I didn't know how to communicate to her that it would be very different when I am with someone I love, someone I hope knows my body, something I'm ready for, and not a clinical exam with Dr. Periscopes-For-Fingers.

Comments

[ohdissonance.livejournal.com]

it may be a matter of finding a new doctor. if she didn't go slowly and explain everything she was going to do before she did it.

i don't know if this is a possible option for you or not, but it's something to consider.

[electronickiss.livejournal.com]

Agreed. My first pap was actually very painful but she was very understanding and explained -everything- she was going to do, and even let me touch the instruments she would use so I knew what to expect. [she didn't let me touch her finger though xD]

Personally, I'd say do talk to a counselor, but not the average expected definition of a counselor. I mean like some female you trust that is a bit more experienced, like maybe your mother, or who might've had a similar experience.

My initial thought is that your violation most likely stems from the doctors inability to give you fair warning to better prepare yourself. Like you even said, there is a difference between reading about something and experiencing it. She really should have communicated more, imo.