my rant about needing an abortion

[maliaka.livejournal.com]

I am freaking out!

I took a pregnancy test today and it was postive. I called to make an appoinment for an abortion (I'm fine with that, by the way) but the local Planned Parenthood is booked and the closest clinic is too far away to plausibly get there considering I don't have a car and my fiance has to work on the only available date, which happens to be Friday the 14th. I can't wait too long to get this done. I am already 8 weeks pregnant, which I still can't even believe.

I assumed I'd be able to just call my local clinic and they would take care of me, but it turns out this whole process is more complicated and worrysome. I am soooooo scared I won't be able to get the abortion. I don't know what to do. And to top it off, even though I don't even have a job (literally 11 bucks to my name, I am NOT kidding), they said the cheapest price would be $340!!! That right there makes me want to die. My fiance will have to pay for it with his less than extravagent job, which makes me want to cry.

I was feeling okay about being pregnant, knowing I could "take care" of it as soon as possible, but now I am so scared and depressed and anxious.

I'm sorry if I sound crazy or childish, I am just so freaked out about this.

Those of you who have dealt with getting an abortion, could you please tell me how it was and what the entire process was like for you? I would really appreciate hearing from others about this.

Comments

[jocelina.livejournal.com]

First, I just want to point you in the direction of abortioninfo, which is a wonderful community where you can get in touch with other women who have had abortions. I can't tell you how helpful I found that community and its members. Not that VagPag isn't great (it's awesome), but its focus is more general -- abortioninfo deals very specifically with what you're asking about.

You mentioned money being an issue, in which case you might want to check out the National Network of Abortion Funds (http://www.nnaf.org/). There may or may not be one in your area, but if there is they might be able to help you out.

If you want someone to talk to anytime, I'm on AIM as "psycheknows" or you can send me an email at my lj email address. Sometimes it can really help just to talk. :)

(frozen)

[cestsibon.livejournal.com]

That is the worst thing I've ever heard, Im so sorry for you. I suggest book an apoint for as soon as you can and take a bus. I know that money is tight but having an unwanted child isnt so nice either.

Someone is going to come tell you eventually this comment is appropriate for this community [which I disagree with] so Im going to suggest going to the abortionstories community for you.

I hope everything works out for you.

(frozen)

[quixotic.livejournal.com]

Hi there.

To clarify, VP doesn't have a ban on all posts about abortion. We don't permit purely political posts about abortion or other posts which intend only to start a discussion about abortion without a personal component. A post like this, in which someone is asking a question about abortion that relates to them personally, is completely acceptable.

-amanda
for the vp team

(frozen)

[she-obliterated.livejournal.com]

The bus thing might be an issue with getting home. I know some clinics don't let you leave unless you have a ride because you can get a little wonky with the anesthesia.

(frozen)

[joybeans.livejournal.com]

You can talk about abortion as long as you're all for it. Safe space only applies when someone disagrees with abortion and states their opinion on it.

(frozen)

[viellen]

Safe space applies when someone is unsupportive and derogatory towards another member. We have members that are both pro and anti abortion and that's OK--the problem is when members attack or judge each other for their beliefs. This is why we don't allow abortion debate, but we do allow members to post issues that they're going through regarding abortion (that applies for woman who don't want to have them as well) and give them an open and understanding ear. If you have questions about this policy you are always free to contact us via email or publicly on contact_vp. I'm freezing this thread so that it does not turn into an off-topic discussion.
-Rebecca

[kattlady.livejournal.com]

Hey,

I'm not a good resource for this, but have you been over to abortioninfo? They have excellent advice and sometimes it's just good to have a community there in case you need 'em. But I can tell you, it's completely fine and not crazy or childish to be freaked out or depressed or anxious. I hope things work out for you!

[ravrhi.livejournal.com]

I have never had to have an abortion, but my friends and I are quite proficent in raising money. Might I suggest going through your closet and bookshelves and taking everything you don't wear a lot, all the knick-knacks you have around that are just kinda "there" and all the books you will likely never read again and auction them off or sell them to a second hand store?

Good luck!

[blimeyzawn1.livejournal.com]

Ok, don't panic. I know the whole process is scary, but I've been there, so let me give you all the information I know:

The National Network of Abortion Funds is a great resource. Also, Modest Needs can give you a small grant for stuff like this.

Do you have any source of income? Would it be possible to save up money for the abortion over the course of a couple weeks? You can get a first trimester abortion up to twelve weeks, so if you just missed your period, that give you eight weeks to save. You might also want to mention to the clinic that you have no job and they might be able to refer you to some other resources I don't know about or offer you a grant/loan/payment plan.

And, if there's anything I can do to help as far as talking you through it or whatever, please let me know. I've been there and know it can be scary and overwhelming. Good luck!

[https://users.livejournal.com/-anxi0us/]

I wish I could impart some knowledge, but I don't know anything about abortions. So...*hugs* I hope you figure something out!

[zellie-bean.livejournal.com]

I wish I could offer more than just sympathy...but definite hugs your way! I'm scared to death, as insanely careful as I am about BC, that something will go wrong and with the political climate currently...and me being in The South...that I won't have another option, just THINKING about it is so incredibly frightening to me ): ): ): I wish you all the luck in the world (and am rushing myself to get sterilized ASAP...but even that isn't 100%...gah... ): )

[she-obliterated.livejournal.com]

Hey, over at feminist someone started a messageboard a while ago of people who would be willing to help out with transportation and crash space for people who had to travel for abortions. Hunt for that list, it was definately in the past month or two.

zorah Is also the founder of CounterCrisis Northwest, which I think handles just this particular thing. I know she's in Washington state, but she knows her shit and might be able to help. Tell her I directed you over.

Don't stress. If you need help, there a lot of people in the world who are willing to help you. Bloody hell, I was going to ask you what day and time you needed to be somewhere and I'd come take you, but you're in California and I'm in DC. I'd never be able to make it that far in time :(

[druiaen.livejournal.com]

Oh, you poor thing. The money thing is making a stressful situation that much worse. I really feel for you. I think there was some good advice about money above. And in terms of the entire situation... it's a difficult thing to go through. I went through it when I was 18. I was ok with the idea, and still know it was the best possible decision at the time, but still to this day (8 years later) I have moments where I find the whole thing hard to deal with. It really does help to talk, and I hope you have plenty of support. If not, we're always here. I'm pretty much always on AIM (same username as my LJ) if you ever need to just whine, moan, complain, or need a verbal hug.

[she-obliterated.livejournal.com]

I found that messageboard for you.

http://roedepot.com/index.php

It looks like there are some people in California who are offering rides.

Good luck!

[lindsay-lunar.livejournal.com]

hi. i have had an abortion and i'd be happy to talk to you about the abortion process. i'm familiar with both types & everything you have to go to to get one. my screen name is lindsay lunar, feel free to im me any time :)

[lindsay-lunar.livejournal.com]

i'm from california too & i'm familiar with getting financial coverage for the abortion as well :)

[eyelid.livejournal.com]

You sound like someone we could use over at abortioninfo :)

[limers.livejournal.com]

*hugs* It'll be okay. I'm sorry I don't have anything contructive to say, doll. I just read your post and felt bad for you. Don't panic.

[breathless-girl.livejournal.com]

Ive been there. It was in 1975 so some things are different - some the same.

As for the price, it was $475 back then - and my mom came up with the case. The idea of the chaos, anger, and trouble an innocent baby would cause at that time of my life - and being unmarried - was what convinced her to help me. Wound up I married the guy two years later.

At the time I was at the clinic I was terrified. My mom came with me but was not very supportive emotionally. I suggest finding a very good friend or your fiance to accompany you. Even though I am pro choice it was not a walk in the park. This decision is not made with a light heart.

The clinic I used made me come one day for testing, consuling and signing papers. Next day *the procedure*. So be sure to see if that is the same or has changed.

Dont know if this is done elsewhere... but some idiot decided to lay some guilt on me afterwards and told me "you were having a boy".. That kind of hurt is not needed and maybe I would kind of mention you would appreciate no one going into *details* afterwards.

Good luck to you - and PLEASE invest in some really good birth control for the future. That crazy worry guessing game *am I preggers* will make you sick.

[wingsoflace.livejournal.com]

Wow, I am so sorry that happened to you. That comment was really innapropriate, and it might have been because it was so long ago (abortions being fairly 'new' and such) but I still have heard of things like that happening. I also don't think the doctor would have been able to know the sex of the baby at that time, if it helps any.. what a jerk.

[breanda19.livejournal.com]

I'm confused. Why was that comment innapropriate?

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I think wingsoflace meant the doctor's (or other clinic worker's) comment inside breathless_girl's comment, not the entire comment in itself.

[breanda19.livejournal.com]

Ahh, thank you. I think it was a little too early for me in the morning. :)

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

No problem. I'm on vacation. I didn't get up 'til late today. :)

[wingsoflace.livejournal.com]

The poster's comment wasn't innapropriate, the doctor's was. There is no need to inform the patient what her baby "would have been", it just creates more emotional trauma. If the doctor had been reported, they probably would have been fired. Sorry for confusing you! :)

[breanda19.livejournal.com]

Fear not! I am easily confused. Thanks!

[jennykay79.livejournal.com]

If everyone who has posted here gave $21.25, it would cover the cost of the abortion. maliaka, I'll give you $21.25. Email me a jennykay79 @ yahoo.com and let me know where to send the check.

[yamantha.livejournal.com]

That's so nice. :)
I really wish I could send that. I'd send more than that, if I could.

(frozen) Friendly Maintainer Note

[rockstarbob.livejournal.com]

Hi there. Just a quick note to say that while we recognize your intentions are noble, we like to keep any kind of monetary exchange (no matter the cause) out of the VaginaPagina community on LJ to avoid any legal trouble. If this seems like something you'd like to pursue, we recommend you take it up in your private journal, privately via email (which it seems like you may be doing already), or elsewhere on the Internet.

We're going to go ahead and freeze this thread, but if you'd like to talk further, please email us at vpteam@vaginapagina.com (for private correspondence) or make a post over in contact_vp (for public correspondence).

Thanks for understanding!

--The VP Team
contact_vp

[wingsoflace.livejournal.com]

It's okay, sweetheart :) jennykay79 was very generous with her offer of 21 bucks, so even if no one else donates perhaps you can use the money for a cab ride there, and then your fiance can pick you up on his way back from work? I know it would be nice to have emotional support, and habe him there with you, but I guess him not working isn't an option. You didn't mention any friends, so I'm guessing that might not be an option either.. do you live in the city, with bus routes? You might be able to take a bus there too. Heck, I would probably even hitch if I needed an abortion.

Money should be the last thing you need to worry about when it comes to abortion.. you'll be stretched and stressed out to get the money now, but just imagine a baby! Try to look at just paying 300 bucks right now as a positive :) I'm sorry I can't help you in any way other than my words. Poor high school student without a job. I've never had an abortion, but I know someone who has.. you will be okay. Not to say that abortion isn't daunting, but you will heal and eventually feel good about your decision. The monetary and emotional stress will pass. Good luck, and update to let us know how you're doing if you can!

I can help too

[russkie-bomb.livejournal.com]

If you still need money, I can also pitch in $21.25. (Maybe for the cab ride back, if no one else adds to this.) Email me at mobilegrace[@]gmail.com.

[soda-raison.livejournal.com]

Hey, I know the feeling exactly. I was 8 weeks prego when I figured it out (way to pay attention to my body eh? I didn't even realise I had missed 2 periods!) Anyways, I call the hospital end up having to wait. When I finally got my appointment they did an ultrasound and I was 14 weeks and 6 days. The hospital wouldn't do it after that point and since the appointment was just for the ultrasound and the procedure was supposed to be the next week I was freaking out! They told me I might have to go to another city where they do abortions up to 22 weeks. I cried. I felt sick. I was already showing and they were telling me I had to wait. BAH! Anyways, the most wonderful social worker in the world realised what happened and had me fit in for that afternoon.

The nurses in the hospital were evil. They made comments about how I was killing my baby. It was annoying and before I went in for the D&C I was supposed to take some pills. They kept telling me to take some pills. I think it was to kill the fetus first but, the nurses refused to give it to me. Bastards! So, I never took those pills.

Anyways, after I got the procedure done. I had some cramping. I was slightly depressed but, I'm sure it was a horomonal thing. Now, I simply could care less about having it done.

Yea, I know what it's like to freak out worrying that you won't be able to get the abortion done.

[myturtleflys.livejournal.com]

you should have reported those nurses, they have no right to make comments like that.

[glasspumpkin.livejournal.com]

I don't have any new information to give really. Everyone else has listed the resources I know of. I work for an organization called Georgians For Choice and we provide rides to and from abortions for women that need it, but I can't seem to find anything similar to that for California. You might try looking into that though. If you have any questions, I would be happy to talk with you though. My sn is on my profile. :)

[lindsay-lunar.livejournal.com]

again, california is really good with insurance. my abortion here was covered fully including all appointments related to it. i can't stress enough how much you should check out this option. planned parenthood should tell you to go there and do the paperwork if you qualify.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

In addition to abortioninfo, which has already been mentioned, there's also abortionhelp, which I think has not.

[maliaka.livejournal.com]

Wow, I don't know what to say. I am floored by all of your warm, encouraging responses. I want to give you all hugs and bake you cookies or something. :)

I am unfortunately not a resident of CA, meaning that I moved here from Washington state to be with my fiance, but I have not gotten a CA ID card, so getting any kind of insurance or financial help from the state is impossible unless I try to get an ID ASAP, but that takes a few weeks to get in the mail if I remember correctly. So yes, that is one major roadblock.

I want to thank those of you who have offered up money, but I would feel terrible about taking it. But just know that I can't even tell you how much that touched me, to know that complete strangers can be there for you like that. Maybe it's my crazy hormones to blame, but I'm really emotional about any support or encouragment. :)

During the next few days I'm going to call around to all the local family planning centers that would be easier to get to to see if they perform abortions and how much it would cost, etc. Wish me luck!

[solestria.livejournal.com]

Getting an ID usually consists of going and taking the state's written driver's test. Call your local DMV and find out how it works, but when I got my Indiana license, they printed it up and handed it to me and the whole process took about an hour.

[littlebluegrrl.livejournal.com]

I've had an abortion and would be more than willing to talk to you about it. If you have yahoo, my name there is torigirl822...or you can message me here.

[maliaka.livejournal.com]

Okay, here's an update on the situation.

Today I called around to various abortion clinics in Whittier and made an appointment for Sat. the 15th, for a clinic that is 16 mins away (much better than 30!). The cost would be $375, not too bad.

I was feeling better already, but kept calling around. I called Planned Parenthood LA and they found an opening for the Whittier clinic for Tuesday the 18th. That is the exact clinic I wanted! It's so close by. I couldn't wait to tell my fiance.

The partial bad news: When I told him he said he probably won't be able to get out of work on that day. I was heartbroken because I need him there for support and I don't have anyone else who can help me.

If, in fact, I must do this all by myself, I could take a taxi (but that option scares me because I am a baby sometimes, and after a medical procedure like that, I don't know how well I'd fare). My other option is to find someone online who lives in the area who could take me home.

The clinic's address is: 7655 Greenleaf Ave, Whittier, CA 90602, so if you know anyone...*wink wink*

I'll ask around in the other communities also.
Walking there is no problem because it is only a few minutes away by foot. But this brings me to a serious question. Do you think it would be at all possible for me to walk home from the clinic afterward? Maybe it's a crazy thought, but I won't be a total zombie who can't even move afterward, right? I'm going to be asleep during it all. The walk would be maybe 15 minutes at the most, walking at a slowish pace.

[wingsoflace.livejournal.com]

I think you shouldn't really walk home after the procedure, in fact, I don't think the clinic would let you. Maybe you could call the clinic back up and see if someone there would take you home since you're so close? How late does your fiance work? Maybe if you explain your situation to them they can try and make accomodations for you.

They usually make you stay until the drowsinsess from the medicine wears off, but I just don't know how you'd fare, pain-wise. If you must, then you must, but hopefully you'll be able to make some sort of transportation deal.

My last suggestion is calling the cab company, as weird as it sounds, and explain that you want an abortion-friendly driver who is willing to pick you up and get paid in advance?

I hope you will be alright!

[blairie.livejournal.com]

What time are you doing it? I think PPLA is going to request that you have someone there when you START the procedure to ensure that you'll have a ride home.

I'm going to volunteer to help out with some driving if needed, depending on the time of your appointment (I have class in the morning!). The Whittier clinic is 11 miles from my house. I went there when I wanted to get a prescription for birth control last summer.

If you're interested, you can get back to me here or email me at:
blairie (AT) gmail (DOT) com

[maliaka.livejournal.com]

Update: My fiance was able to get out of his TWO jobs on that day so he can go with me! I am so relieved, whew! I sincerely thank those of you who said you'd give me a ride if we lived near each other, that means a lot:) Ack, I'm soooo scared of being around doctors for several hours, but hopefully it won't be that bad. I have "white coat syndrome" to the extreme I guess. Okay, I'll stop whining! Hehe:)