"You're so tight, baby." "Yeah, TELL me about it."

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

Alright, here's a fun vagina problem and I hope I didn't miss a FAQ about it, but: is there anything to do when your vagina is just too damn tight? I've been able to have sex with men and dildos, but almost always uncomfortably. I don't know if I'm actually anatomically too small (which seems unlikely, every other part of my anatomy is pretty average size) or if I just don't know how to relax the muscles, but I feel like I'm just barely able to take one finger before it starts to hurt. Even besides hurting me, stuff just doesn't fit, to the point where it makes my male partners physically uncomfortable sometimes.

Is there... anything I can do? (And please don't say "consider activities besides intercourse," because I've considered them and more, believe me, but I would really really like to fuck too.) I know it's possible, vaginas are places where whole hands can go in and babies can come out, but I'm not even asking that much. I just want to have sex. Does anyone have any suggestions?

Thanks in advance if you can help me.

Comments

[escalatorguru.livejournal.com]

Lighten up, Frances.

(That's a line from a movie.) But really, try to relax your mind a little. As that dumb song went, free your miiiiiiiiiiiiind and the rest will follow. Something like that. Or, what works for me, complete and total distraction. I don't like the element of "la la la OH now there's a penis in me?" but I'm definitely easier to get into if I am not thinking "oh my goodness here it comes." So, in the moments before penetration, think of something else. Once it / he is inside you, if you tighten up again it probably won't hurt as bad as trying to insert something into a vag that just doesn't want to take it.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice! I will try that.

[ex-leopardp.livejournal.com]

*Giggles* STRIPES!
I love that movie. And dat's a fact, Jack.

Seriously, I know a girl who wishes she had this problem. She exercises her vagina constantly and still has problems feeling her boyfriend.

[phedre-verreuil.livejournal.com]

I've have the same problems you are describing. For me, I just have to make sure to relax and I need a -lot- of foreplay before I can be penetrated. Also, lube helps a lot - even if you think you're wet enough, more lube will help. My bf knows my body well enough now that we have lots of foreplay and he makes sure to "ease into me" to make sure my vag has enough time to adjust and open up before he really gets going.

Good luck!

[sadistic-crayon.livejournal.com]

I can't really help, but have you ruled out vaginismus?

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

I haven't ruled it out; I think I've just described it. But putting a name on it doesn't really help me, yeah.

[sadistic-crayon.livejournal.com]

a name may not help, but with a name you can then try the things that are recommended to deal with it. (i think mostly therapy?)

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

Well, vaginismus actually often totally prevents penetration. It's not just painful, it's impossible.

I would suggest that you ask a gynaecologist to examine you. It's possible you might have a physical problem. For example, when you have this pain, is it in a particular place? Does it just feel like muscles all around the vagina stretching and complaining, or does it feel like sharp pain right at the back of the vaginal entrance?

On the practical front, if it is vaginismus or the muscles being too tight for some other reason, you can try a process of retraining your muscles. Two possible aspects:

- 'dilation' therapy, which is standard for vaginismus. Either buy a set of dilators (see www.vaginismus.com), or get a few vibrators / dildos in a range of sizes (from the smallest you can find, up to average penis size). The idea is to gradually stretch the muscles, and retrain them.

Set aside some time, maybe a few times per week, to yourself (or do it with your partner, if you have one, as a kind of intimacy time). You can combine the insertion of the items with masturbation, to make it more enjoyable (and easy, with the loosening & lubrication that generally comes with arousal).

- there's also the idea of stretching the vaginal entrance. This is a bit more tricky to describe, but it could also be combined with masturbation. Basically, after you're well lubed, get your thumb and put it just inside your vagina, facing backwards. You want to put gentle pressure on the back of the vaginal entrance. You can work your thumb from side to side along that join between vagina and perineum. Putting pressure there can help the muscles to relax, as well as getting the skin used to stretching.

(the method I just described was prescribed to me by a vulval specialist)

I hope that helps. Feel free to ask questions.

[kymberly316.livejournal.com]

I went to a physical therapist that specialized in "women's issues" for what was called "non-specific vulvodynia" which basically meant that penetration was painful, but not impossible. Anyway, through stretches, the dialators, massage, and a couple of other things, it got better. Apparently there are lots of these phsyical therapists running around, you just have to hunt for them. She had a regular practice and then a private room off the practice where she did the female stuff. I was also put on a for of antidepressant, I'm not depressed but apparently my vagina was.

[mermaiddrowning.livejournal.com]

I too have/had vulvodynia and when it was at it worst my vagina was tighter than a virgins! Any type of entry was painful. I worked with a physical therapist doing speicifc hip strecthes, internal massage and trigger point therapy as well as using a dialtor to strecth the muscles. When I first began to have sex again wtih my sore and tight pelvic muscles it was very difficult and painful. However, after time, relaxation and pt I gradually loosened up and was able to have pain free sex. It's something you might want to speak with your gyno about. You may even consider seeing a vulvar specialist as they tend to have a bit more experiance with problems such as the one you're experiancing. Best of luck!

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

There's such a thing as a vulvar specialist? Huh. I did not know that. Interesting.

[photobooth15501.livejournal.com]

hahahah that job rules!

[deepbluemermaid.livejournal.com]

Yep, I've seen a number of them. They're either gynaecologists or occasionally dermatologists. Any gyno should know about the vulval pain disorders (vulvodynia, vestibulodynia AKA vulvar vestibulitis, etc) but sadly many are pretty ignorant.

[tealight-rookie.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's what I was thinking, too, and yes psychosexual counselling is generally the best way to go (or so I hear).

One other thing I read/heard once, and that I do (I suffer, too, at times) which helps (and this is going to sound too simple and therefore mad) is to let my mouth relax (and open slightly) first. For some reason, letting my facial muscles relax also allows the muscles around my vagina to relax, too.

Good luck!

[sadistic-crayon.livejournal.com]

i just tried the mouth thing........ and it worked!! nuts! i normally clench my jaw somewhat when doing anythign sexual...

[tealight-rookie.livejournal.com]

Isn't it?! The first time I did it I was so surprised at the results. I guess we all hold a lot of tension in our jaws and necks so it does make sense somehow that this would work.

[wolfychan.livejournal.com]

Hey, that kinda works. Weird. (Maybe just because my attention is diverted to my mouth.) Thanks.

[tealight-rookie.livejournal.com]

No worries, I'm glad. And yeah, I thought it was weird too, at first. :)

[cry-havoc.livejournal.com]

Lube is the key. Lots of lube. I use Liquid Silk and it works wonders. I'm a "clencher" so to speak, I find it almost impossible to relax my muscles down there at any given time that's not say, sleep mode. But in order for entrance, I really have to concentrate on relaxing, use alot of lube, and ALOT of foreplay.

[sabrarosa.livejournal.com]

I agree with the recommendation to see a doc. Vaginismus can be psychological but it can also be caused by physical problems. If you don't already have a gyn doc (and anyone who is sexualy active should) then go find one forthwith and tell her what it going on with your body.

[saracura.livejournal.com]

Yeah I was going to suggest that she have an orgams first and then try penetration.

[photobooth15501.livejournal.com]

My BF is HUGE and even though I don't think I'm particularly tight, there are times where sex really, REALLY HURTS! A lot of the time I just kind of deal with it, but for me it hurts a lot more AFTER I orgasm then before. I think it's because my vagina just gets super sensitive, like I don't even want anyone touching me down there for a while after.

For wolfychan :) - I would recommend seeing a doctor just to rule out any physical problem. It may be more psychological than anything else, but you don't want to hurt yourself finding out! Good luck