his-lady-amelie.livejournal.comHi,
I'm hoping some of the more experienced, fearless members of this community (everyone but me!) can help me out. Since January, I've been having these pelvic, back, vaginal, and sometimes leg pains. Recently my periods have become extremely painful, as well. I won't spend too long describing these pains because I know it could be any number of things and it requires a doctor''s visit. The thing is, I've visited the doctor--twice. I went to two separate free health clinics during the last two months, and I've been unable to go through the necessary exams. I'm ashamed to say this because, honestly, I usually "suck it up" when it comes to pain; I only go to the doctor when I'm in real pain, and I let the doctor do whatever s/he needs to do. But, for whatever reason, I just cannot get through the pelvic exam. I cringe when the doctor comes anywhere near my vagina.
You should probably know that I'm a virgin, and, by that I mean that I've never had any type of sex, and I've never either fingered myself or been fingered; I've never even used a tampon. I don't have anything against sex; I'm not waiting for marriage and I'm not afraid. I've just never felt so inclined as of yet. And I've never stuck anything inside myself on my own because, truthfully, I probably am a bit afraid of sticking something inside my vagina. My periods have always been irregular, and I suppose I'd just as soon use a pad than stick a tampon inside when I don't necessarily have to. I probably sound very sheltered, and, as a side note, I must say that I'm not--my vagina is...I'll be the first to admit that.
When I went to the doctor(s) I told them that nothing had ever been inserted into my vagina, so I was going to probably have some trouble with the exam. At each clinic, right before the doctor did anything, she told me that it wouldn't hurt, but it might be a bit discomfortable. Well, maybe it's all in my head, but it seemed to be painful. The first time I tried to have the exam done, the doctor got the speculum maybe 1/4th of the way inside, and I just had to ask her to stop. At that point, my buttocks and thighs weren't relaxed enough for her to effecitvely do her job anyway. She was very understanding, especially given my virginity (in the most literal sense of the term!).
Nevertheless, I was embarassed. During that first visit I did manage to swab myself with a cotton swab that I partially inserted inside myself as per her instructions, and we did discover that I had a bacterial infection, for which I took medication. However, even after the medication (and supposedly the infection) were gone, I was still experiencing the pains. and in the last two weeks, they've gotten much worse. It used to be a dull ache; now it's a dull ache in my pelvic area and pains that seem to shoot down my left leg. So on Friday, I went to another clinic, waited two hours to see the doctor, and didn't even get the speculum as far in as the first time. This time, it was the doctor who decided to stop because she could tell that I was especially uncomfortable and she was very concerned that she would traumatize me and that I would never come back for another exam, which I guess happens a lot, according to her. She ended up putting me on Loestrin to help with the painful periods.
But my pains seem to only be getting worse (not the period pains...just the regular, daily ones). I have an appt. at PP on Tuesday, and I know I actually need to go through with the exam; it's not something I can just put off and say I'll go when I get sexually active, etc; I need to go to figure out what's wrong with me. I need any help anyone can offer....what can I do to get through this exam? I know I sound like such a wimp, but there's just something about my vagina. I've read basically every article/webpage on the net about "Your First Pelvic Exam," etc. and I followed the link on the left of this page to the website about the exam, but none of this information seems to help. They all say that it may be uncomfortable (which I can handle), but that it shouldn't hurt (which it does), and some of them provide diagrams of the speculum and the swabs inserted in the vagina, which only make me cringe more. I'm so embarassed and really at a loss; I've been through a lot worse, and I should be able to handle this, but I just don't think i can physically make myself relax once she starts to insert the speculum, and it's basically impossible to do the exam with my body resisting against it. Please, if anyone can help at all, I would appreciate it more than you know. Has anyone every been in my situation, or am I just a complete loss? Also, if anyone has any insigts on the pain I've been experiencing, I would appreciate that as well. Thoughts of cancer and PCOS keep popping into my head, and I'd like to maybe allay some of my fears until the next doctor visit or until I find out results or whatever. I apologize for the lengthy post, and I know many (if any) will read it, but if you do and you can help, thank you so much. I'm just so worried; my PP appt. is Tuesday and I just can't keep wasting the doctors' and my time, and I can't let this undiagnosed pain keep getting worse.