Very low sex drive...libido enhancers?

[shihtzulover.livejournal.com]

I'm 25 years old, and I have very little sex drive.  Back in high school, I was a very sexual being.  I had a boyfriend and we fooled around, but I was never ready for sex.  Regardless, I remember being so intensely into being intimate with him at the time.

Even before I was with him though, I remember having a very high sex drive pretty much all the time. It intensified even further around ovulation, but it was definitely always there.  I had a lot of fantasies, and I had no problems with lubrication, etc.

Right before my 18th birthday, I started birth control pills, just in case I would be ready for sex soon.  I never took a break from the Pill until about three months ago, when I stopped taking it completely  - so that makes approximately eight years on it.   During that time, I did switch pills several times.  I tried mono phasic and tri phasic types, and I tried higher hormone levels and lower hormone levels.  Doctors told me that there was no reason to discontinue use, so I never saw a reason to take a break.

Right after starting my first ever pill pack, my sex drive dipped a good amount, since I was no longer ovulating - and that was always the time that I was most aroused before.  The rest of my sex drive dropped off, too - and the weird thing is that I never really noticed that much, nor was I extremely bothered at the time.  I guess I just forgot what I was missing, since I was no longer feeling the desire.

I have had a few relationships over the past eight years, and I have been able to be sexual - but it was really only exciting in the beginning, when things were new.   After that phase, my sex drive always dropped off almost completely, and I was fine with sex once every two weeks or so, and even less sometimes.

I don't even feel the desire to masturbate as much as I did before the Pill - I used to do it almost every day, but once I was on the Pill, it decreased to about once every two weeks.  At first, I thought it was just because I was sharing a dorm room with a roommate, but even when I wasn't at school, and now that I've graduated college, it hasn't picked up at all.

I met my fiancé there years ago, and it started off the same way - sexual and exciting at first, but once things weren't new anymore, my sex drive dropped off.  He has been very patient with me, but I really don't feel that we're intimate enough, and I know that he would like to be more sexual.  Right now, we're currently having sex about once every two weeks or so.  

I got off the Pill about three months ago, when I had a Paragard (copper IUD) placed.  I am praying that it doesn't expel, because I never want to go back to the Pill.

Anyway, I've read all over the Internet about a study that found that the Pill causes many women to have low testosterone levels, possibly forever (and definitely at least a couple of years after getting off the Pill). From what I have gathered, the science behind it is that the body secretes more sex hormone binding globulin (SHBG) to neutralize the estrogen from the pills, but it also binds testosterone, which lowers the libido significantly.  Apparently, SHBG levels cacontinue to stay very high after discontinuing the Pill, and it could last forever.

I had my IUD placed because I started thinking about how sexual I was before the Pill, and I want to be like that again.  I want to enjoy sex with my fiancé.  I am now on my fourth natural cycle though, and so far, I am only seeing a sex drive increase for a day or two around ovulation - and even then, it's not what it used to be.  I am frustrated and concerned that I will never gain my sex drive back.

I have tried to get into the mindset of sex when I'm not aroused, but it's not that simple.  I'm just not interested, no matter what the stimuli.  I can be kissing my fiancé, reading erotica, or watching pornography.  It's intriguing, but I'm just not that into it.  On the other hand, when I ovulate, I can't wait to be in bed with my fiancé, and we have the most intense sexual experiences of my life.  I know that I used to be more like this throughout my whole cycle, and that's what I'd like to get back to.

I would like to try some sort of supplement, or something that will get me back on track.  I don't want to be super aroused all of the time, but I'd like to feel like a sexual being, and enjoy sex with my fiancé at least a couple of times per week.  I have also experienced decreased lubrication (except on the day of ovulation), and i would like to remedy that problem as well, although I'm guessing that the two will most likely go hand-in-hand anyway.

I've been reading about a supplement called Provestra, but I can't seem to find any real reviews of it.  Everything that I've found is obviously biased, and I can't find real users posting about it.  On the other hand, many of the ingredients that it contains are listed by reputable sites as possible libido enhancers.

What do you guys think?   What can I do?  I don't really want to go to an endocrinologist, because I know that many women have issues with being taken seriously with these types of issues, not to mention the fact that my insurance won't cover it and I can't take the time off from work.

Comments

[asatra5.livejournal.com]

My sex drive dropped drastically while on the pill and I was on it for 4 years. It took another year or so for it to fully bounce back after stopping them. I know everyone's body's are different, but that's how it was in my case.

[knittinggoddess.livejournal.com]

I had a similar experience, though I was only on the NuvaRing for two years, and was also using SSRIs for part of that. After I got the Mirena, it took several months before I started noticing an increase in libido.

[archangelbeth]

I'd suggest trying to lengthen the "oh, hey, this is fun" experience -- like, when you have one good experience, around ovulation, try to make time the next day to either have some sensual funtimes with your partner, or with yourself. Try not to put too much pressure on yourself to have PIV and orgasm, but have lots of touching and cuddling/caressing/backrubs (I love backrubs...)/body-rubs... Basically, encourage yourself to feel sensual.

After having a kid and dealing with Constant Interrupts (it sort of gets better after the kid goes to school, but there is still the issue of "fooling around, in the middle of things -- and the phone rings; it's the school nurse, the kid has a stomach bug, and she needs to come home")... Well, let's just say it often takes a long time to get my brain out of Mommy Mode. Backrubs that move into butt-rubs and leg rubs and whatnot? Those can get me from "I'm too tired to even think about sex" to "...okay, I'm thinking! ...or not-thinking, as the case may be!"

In general, when you can, try to make time in your life for sensuality. A hand-held showerhead can be most useful for this sort of thing! There's a chance that if you can give your brain some endorphins to think about, so to speak, your libido may rise to the occasion. It will probably be slow, but it's a start, yes?

In the meantime, coconut oil is supposed to be a very nice lube with mild anti-fungal properties. (I'm assuming you aren't bothering with condoms since you have a copper IUD, so the "oil + condoms = don't do that!" issue shouldn't come up?) There is nothing wrong with making things more pleasant if you're just "going through the motions" for emotional closeness!

You may also want to contemplate giving your partner orgasms, orally or manually, even if you're not physically in the mood. If you can intellectually be pleased by your partner's reactions to what you're doing, then A: that's fun all on its own! B: it helps you and your partner be intimate. And C: you may find that his reactions are such that you become aroused after all! (Even when I am not actually in the mood, I find my spouse to be quite a fun toy! O;D )

I'd work on that sort of approach before adding more variables into the mix, like the Provestra stuff, personally -- taking time and being sensual is free, after all, and Provestra presumably costs money.

Good luck!

[planet-x-zero.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if it's prescribed off-label for low sex drive, but I started wellbutrin (buproprion) a few weeks ago for uni-polar depression. Unlike other ADs, it made my sex drive very high. It's known to do this, that's why it's favored for people who are unhappy with the sexual side effects of an SSRI.

[adeleyna.livejournal.com]

*sigh* Yeah... I hear that... But I have a fast heart rate that already worries my doctor sometimes, this just makes it even worse, so physically I can't be on it for that reason. Makes me sad... But if you do have a normal heart rate, I definitely agree and suggest this!

[fuckedbeauty.livejournal.com]

It is possible that you may need to see someone about this, but I think one of the main things is that you JUST got off the pill. Your period takes a while to regulate itself, which also means that your ovulation will have to work out a few kinks. Since you state that this was when you were most sexual, then you may just need to wait it out. An IUD doesn't keep you from ovulating, as you should've been told. So therefore when you do start ovulating again, then you should see an increase in sex drive.

Also, since you explain you were a teenager when you had a higher sex drive, you also have to keep in mind that your hormones were raging at that point in your life. There is a chance that it will never be what it once was. You are older and your body has changed considerably. I have heard of an herb "Maca" that is supposed to help with sexual desires. There are other herbs at Vitamin Shoppe that may be of help to try before you take the next stop to the doctor. Most are fairly harmless, but I would do my research on them first. If you notice anything weird happening, then immediately stop using them and call a doctor.

I have irregular periods, so I have been researching herbs to help me regulate so that my husband and I will be able to pinpoint my ovulation better. This was one of the herbs I came across, but it seemed more for sexual desire than for regulation of periods.

Good luck! :)

[adeleyna.livejournal.com]

Yeah well women's sex drives peak at 30-something, so you may get your sex drive even better than when it was as a teenager then :)

[sky-blue-pink.livejournal.com]

I don't have many concrete suggestions, but wanted to let you know you're not alone. I basically could have written this! Thanks for sharing (I'll be lurking around the comments) and good luck with everything.

[amanda-ovaova.livejournal.com]

I completely hear you on the low sex drive while on the Pill. I was on the pill for about five years, and it gave me headaches, mood swings and lowered my sex drive.

I'm big into organic foods and living a natural lifestyle (as much as possible), so about two years ago I researched natural methods of birth control. When I mentioned NFP to my husband, he was like no way. I found the fertility awareness method, which is not really a typical NFP method, and is not tied to any religion.

FAM involves tracking your cervical fluid each day and basal body temperature for about half your cycle. Based on the many rules of the method, you can tell when you are fertile, when you are about to ovulate and when you are about to get your period. I have somewhat irregular cycles, especially when I travel for work, and it's just as effective for me. We've been doing it for two years now, and honestly have not had a scare. You do need to be disciplined in your daily observations, and we use condoms during the fertile days or abstain.

It's not for everyone, but it's honestly changed my life. It's very empowering to understand your cycle and how your body works and there are no side effects! I can literally tell when I'm close to ovulation, and know when to plan for my period each cycle.

If you're interested in learning more, I could talk all day about it. :)

Good luck!

[mykissmightkill.livejournal.com]

Ughhhh I know exactly how you feel! I was in the totally same boat. It's been a little over a year for me and I still lack a sex drive and all I want is for it to come back! I wish you luck though that after a little more time it comes back. If you end up trying anything to kick it up a notch and it works, you should totally let us know :-)

[curiouscatef.livejournal.com]

I haven't tried any sex drive pills, but I often explore with creams and gels meant to stimulate nipples/clitoris and even the g-spot. I'm on some meds that decrease my sex drive as well, and these have helped me out a bit. That and sex toys, they add new excitement to the bedroom. A new toy always seems to cheer me up! If you haven't checked out this avenue you may want to give it a go before deciding to take a pill that can mess with your bodies chemicals (Though we're already on pills that do that)

If you are curious I'll give you a link to the sex shop I frequent called EdenFanasys - Here is the link (http://www.edenfantasys.com/#pcode-URV)

They sell all forms of sexual things. Toys/lingerie/arousal creames/arousal lubricants/books/DVDs/Kink ect... All assortments of things.

There is a community there and you can review items for free if you join the review program. I've noticed reviewing sex toys has given me an extra boost in my sex life I’ve never had before. Also if you have an account doing any actions on the site will give you points which you can convert to gift cards to help pay for your next sexy purchase.
I won’t overload you with information, this is just something that has really worked for me, and helped me get in touch with my more sexual side that was smothered before. Sounds quite a lot like your situation.

Just another option that may help you. I have seen some herbal sexual supplements on the site if you are curious to try something like that still but more natural. I'll give you a link to that product as well - Shunga energy herbal supplement for women (http://www.edenfantasys.com/shunga-energy-herbal-supplement-for-women/adult-toys-dvds-33145#pcode-URV)

Hope this helps you out! I know what you’re going through, it is frustrating.

-Curiouscat
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