(no subject)

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

Does anyone else have trouble getting off with a partner? I started having sex when I was 19. I'm 27 now and I haven't had a single orgasm with any partners. I feel like every man I've been with thinks my vag is a penis and a few strokes is all it takes me to get me going. I can't come through PIV sex and I'm so jealous of anyone who can. I enjoy the sensation but it's not enough. Mind you I've never been in a long-term relationship so that might affect my comfort level, since most guys I've been with are usually a one-time thing or at the most it lasts a couple of weeks. Anyway.....some times I just want to have sex for the sake of having sex, especially when the guy is super attractive, but I just can't seem to come and I don't know how to instruct them without hurting their super-senstive ego. Not to generalize, but every guy I've been with seems to need some kind of reassurance that they're "doing me right" and I don't know how to say "no, you're doing it all wrong" without being rude, especially when it comes to educating them about my vag. Any suggestions?

or do you think this is somehting I can only achieve in a long-term relationship, where we have time to get to know eachother's bodies better and trust eachother enough to be comfortable to try anything?

Thanks!

Comments

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

MANY women find it difficult to climax via PIV sex. its not just you. :)

sometimes the problem isnt "oh, he didnt do this, or that, or the other so i didnt climax" but "there wasnt enough excitement built through foreplay so i didnt climax". and if you didnt get there through foreplay and PIV sex? AFTERplay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "i didnt get there, can you use your fingers?"

you are responsible to speak up if your needs arent being met. there are very few mind-readers, and generally those who seem like they are? have been with you in a long-term relationship and *know* what trips your triggers. or is just good enough at reading your body language to see what makes you quiver. :)

if you ask and he brushes you off? i'd say decline a repeat performance. there's no excuse for being a lazy lover if you're asked for something that isnt hard to do. (i'm not talking about refusing things that squick you out or you just have absolutely no desire ever to do. trying real hard to get your partner off in ways that they know works doesnt fall under that definition.)

[soulsearch2010.livejournal.com]

i know....climaxing through PIV sex is more like the exception rather than the rule...I just wish I wasn't the rule :p

AFTERplay. there is absolutely nothing wrong with saying "i didnt get there, can you use your fingers?"

- really? I was projecting...I know after I've climaxed I don't really feel like doing much rather than lying around and enjoying the stress-free feeling. So I was being considerate when I don't ask guys to continue wiht me after they got off. That makes me pathetic doens't it?

Yes, for sure, if he is not into my needs at all (well I"m going to ask first and see what response I get), but if he's rude about it...I will defo kick him to the curb.

Thanks!

[fallconsmate.livejournal.com]

it does NOT make you pathetic, honestly! it just means you hadnt thought this whole thing out.

me, right now i'm going through an absent libido phrase (yay perimenopause) and so there are times when i say flat out "ok, give up on getting me there, its ok, i'll get mine next time". but its ok, we're married and love one another dearly, and i'm choosing the closeness of sex rather than saying "get away, you great hairy beast!" ;)

if he has the opportunity to get off, so do you, UNLESS you actively choose otherwise. but just deciding to be considerate of his great effort to get himself off isnt an active choice to not have the opportunity to climax yourself, ok? its ok to be selfish in that respect.