Masturbation and Orgasm

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

Please forgive the dummy account, but this is a little embarrassing for me to post on my normal account. Also, I'm so sorry, but the tags wouldn't work for me. 

I'm 22 years old, in a serious and monogamous relationship, and have been sexually active since I was 16. Despite having enjoyable sexual encounters, I have never reached orgasm. Never with oral, PIV, etc. It feels great but I never reach orgasm. Of course, I have no idea what it would feel like if I did, so I don't know if I'm getting close or not. My partner is willing to take all the time I need, but I tend to get frustrated and would rather get on with the main event.

All this being said, I've also never masturbated. Not due to lack of trying, though. I get myself fully comfortable, relaxed, and then I can't get turned on. This isn't a problem when I'm with my partner. I've tried using the bathtub, vibrators, fingers, etc, and nothing works. If my partner and I decide to masturbate mutually, I start off turned out because he's been touching me, but then as soon as I touch myself, I lose all of that turned on feeling. 

Basically, I want to know how to turn myself on and reach orgasm on my own, so that I know how to get there during sex with a partner. Does anyone have any advice or similar experiences? I don't have anyone to talk to about this in my life right now, but I know that the wonderful people at VP will be supportive and non-judgmental. Thank you in advance!

Comments

[elektrasai.livejournal.com]

it is very important to maintain your aroused state. it's practically impossible to get off if you're not aroused and women need to be mentally aroused too so try to stay focused on thoughts that are sexually arousing to you. if your partner helps you to be aroused, then continue to have him touch, kiss, and lick other parts of your body while you masturbate. you can kiss him, touch him, etc as well to keep yourself in the mood. if you are just interested in experimenting with masturbation on your own, i would recommend closing your eyes and imagning it's your partner touching you. think about experiences you've had with your partner that are sexually stimulating and arousing to you. you need to stay in a mindset that will help your body relax and get aroused. i have found i need to be thinking something sexual whether it be a sex scene from a movie that turned me on, actual past sexual experiences that were very sexy and arousing, possible sexual experiences that interest me, people that i am sexually attracted to etc etc. although i have been masturbating since i was around 14 years old and am now 31 this does not necessarily mean it will be easy to get there during sex. i have never had an orgasm during sex (granted i have other issues that may inhibit this) have only ONCE had an orgasm from oral and it took a long time for my husband to figure out how to give me one manually. let me know if you have any more questions :)

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

Thank you! I do know that even if I can figure out how to orgasm on my own, orgasming during sex is a whole other story. My ultimate goal is learn how to get there on my own. Thanks for the advice!

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

Now for MY turn to be embarassed, but hey, as long as it helps! ;)
Sadly, I have not had any sexual relationships yet, mainly because of my self-esteem and my seclusion from being disabled, but I am also scared of having intercourse. (I consider myself Bi because I do find some men hot, but I still don't want to have sex with them. I also find some girls hot! lol)
So, I actually had my first orgasm at a FRIEND'S HOUSE, but I was alone in the spare room. I'd just had a hot chat session with a friend of mine where we role-played, etc. I was over 21 years old. I'd never had an orgasm, but had tried many masturbations before that.
THe way I finally found out why I couldn't orgasm is that I have a VERY specific, kiny, and some might find, scary fetish. I finally had an orgasm when I buried my face into my pillow and masturbated while I was practicing auto-erotic asphyxiation. Ever since then, I have not had an orgasm without it, maybe once or twice, but had to be reading about the subject to get that far.
Some people have a hard time with fetishes, but even 'normal' people have them! Don't be ashamed to ask your BF to help you experiment with different fetishes. And whatever you do, be VERY careful if you do try erotic asphyxiation, because it can be dangerous! You should only do it with a partner at first, to make sure you don't pass out or something.
Good luck! :)

[retronymical.livejournal.com]

Well, do you know what turns you on? That might be part of the problem, and you may need to experiment. Some people like to fantasize, and some people like to watch or read something to help them along. Do you have any specific fetishes?

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

I think this is part of my problem. I haven't really ever gotten turned on during porn, and as far as I can tell, I don't have any fetishes. I may need to explore this more. Also, I have gotten a little excited when reading erotica (? the short stories in the back of Cosmo, ha) so maybe that could be an option. Thank you!

[hyper-amychao.livejournal.com]

I have the same problems :( I'm sorry, and I wish I knew how to help!

[pjvilar.livejournal.com]

Are you trying different methods of touching yourself? For a long time I couldn't stimulate myself to orgasm with my hand or fingers, because I was trying what seemed normal -- very direct clitoral stimulation. It turns out that doesn't work for me. Try getting comfortable/feeling safe and sexy however works for you, and, using a little lube, stimulating your genitals in different places and different ways. Long strokes, lying down, sitting up, rubbing against something, focusing on the outer labia, putting fingers inside. Good luck!

[archangelbeth]

(I'm rushed and can't give your main question the attention it deserves, but wanted to relieve you of any tagging worry -- only mods can tag.)

[rainsprite67.livejournal.com]

Have you only tried vaginal penetration to reach an orgasm? I've read a statistic a few times before stating something like only 30 percent of women get an orgasm from penetration. I agree with what's been said above, maybe more clitoral stimulation will work for you?

Myself, I've never been with anyone and am still a virgin. The most penetration I've tried to go with is just a couple of fingers. I've been masturbating since 14 yrs old, (I'm 20 now), and I've experienced an orgasm countless amount of times. I'll just say that most of the time for me - It's clitoral stimulation.

But it is important to know what arouses you. If you're going to work with masturbation, I think having a good imagination helps. Being mentally aroused will get you physically aroused - thinking about the details of sex, (watch pornography maybe?), read explicit stories.. etc - it's really differs from one individual to another.

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

I haven't really tried any penetration on my own, just clitoral stimulation, but it just doesn't feel like anything. Not good, not bad, just really neutral.

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

Are you by chance on any pain meds or anti-depressants? You don't have to answer that, but just so you know, both kinds can cause decreased sexual arousal. I have this problem because I am on both meds, and I have to use very specific methods to achieve an orgasm. (I will state this in another reply to your comments.) You might want to see if you ARE on these meds, if your Dr. would be willing to switch one to a different brand, sometimes this helps.

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

I'm not on either type, though I have been switching birth controls a lot more lately...weird side effects keep forcing me to change. I'm not sure if this is part of the problem, since I've been trying to masturbate for years and have had similar issues, but it is definitely possible.

[teprometo.livejournal.com]

I'm going to be much more aggressive with my phrasing than others have been:

PORN!

There's plenty of good porn out there once you've sifted through all the junk. Immerse yourself in porn you like (after sifting through the categories that appeal to you on pornhub or youporn or xtube—all free, and none require an account), and that should help you maintain arousal. To me, the most important part of porn is the audio. If they're making awkward or forced noises, I am OUT OF THERE! I like Lilly Thai a lot because she's sort of quirky and loves to laugh and she has these great squirting orgasms. But then you have to figure out if you like whatever guy she's being paired with... But maybe you'd be more into couple porn/amateur porn. Just set aside some time to dig around the websites and find the type of porn that's right for you.

The problem doesn't seem to be that you think masturbation is icky or anything (a few of my friends just refuse to do it), so I think you've already jumped over a big hurdle. Now it's just about keeping yourself aroused. For me, nothing does that like other people moaning.

I also read (and write!) gay fan fiction. :-D

One more thing: I started masturbating to orgasm when I was very young. I used to do it by humping a pillow (pillow between my legs and me on my stomach). Maybe that's the way to start. It leads to a somewhat shallower orgasm, but if you can make it work, it's a good first step to figuring out what kinds of feelings you're shooting for.

Good luck. I hope you get there. :-)

[ska-loo1600.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your aggressiveness! I should probably explore more. I'm sure my boyfriend wouldn't mind this either! And you hit the nail on the head, I really don't think masturbation is gross or wrong. I just never thought about it until recently and realized that it's a little weird that I haven't, and probably has something to do with me never reaching orgasm. The pillow thing sounds interesting, thank you for all the great advice!

[takemyhand.livejournal.com]

Try Literotica.com

Tons of awesome stories and unlike porn videos, no one makes awkward faces/ noises etc. because the characters look however you want 'em to. :)

As far as porn, I like amateur and home videos because they're real (or at least look the part), which is way more of a turn on than fake looking people fake moaning.

Good luck!

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

I actually did the same pillow thing when I first discovered my orgasms. It's also good to 'hump a pillow' (or anything else you find comfortable) while fully clothed if you are horny during your menstruation. I did this once and it even brought my cramps WAY down! ;)

[slow-mo-panda.livejournal.com]

LOL, I was just about to write something about slash, but then I saw your sentence about you being an author of it! ;) Awesomeness! Once I got into slash from my fav. shows, Porn did NOT do a damned thing for me. lol

[teprometo.livejournal.com]

Porn is just a quick fix for me these days. All the fic I read is too long for a quickie.

welcome

[puomu.livejournal.com]

Hello. My friend

http://www.yahcc.us

The new update, a large hot

FREE sHIPPING

WE ACCEPT PYAPAL PAYMENT

YOU MUST NOT MISS IT!!!

thank you !!!

http://www.yahcc.us