Can't find that pleasure spot? :(

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Hi everyone! Well, I have an embarrassing thing to ask. I'm one of those people easily embarrassed and I find that masturbating is very embarrassing too. I've had sex with one guy, horrible experience. Well, I've recently been trying to masturbate since I've never gotten off. But the problem is I can't find that pleasure spot. I don't know if I'm doing it wrong or if I'm just not in the mood or I'm too nervous and it's an emotional thing. I'm thinking I should go to my gyno and ask but I want to save that for a last resort. Anyone have any tips or ideas?

Comments

[swirvel42.livejournal.com]

I would suggest trying different things and just experimenting and making sure to take your time. Be patient with yourself, and try to make it as fun and relaxing as possible.

Personally, masturbation doesn't do a whole lot for me, and neither does having my clit played with. It just tickles and sometimes it feels good, but not great, and I don't get off. I'm a g-spot girl, so it takes a little more work and generally requires the use of a toy of some kind to hit just the right spot.

I'm sorry I don't have a lot more advice. All I can say is what I've tried and what people have suggested to me. If you have a removable shower head, I've heard that playing with that can be fun. If not that I've heard that just being in the tub with the water running directly on you can help.

That's about all the advice I've got short of fantasizing about something or someone and looking up articles online and shopping around for a toy.

I hope this helps! Good luck!

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll try it out. :)

[riot-gurl-86.livejournal.com]

My suggestion is to (first) relax. Then, don't set out with the idea that "I'm gonna orgasm this time!)

Just kinda feel around a little, touch, get to know yourself. See what feels good/what doesn't, and kind of go from there. Getting to know your own likes and dislikes is very important. From there, get down to masturbating, and all that fun stuff. Just start slow, relax, and see where it goes.

Good luck!

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the advice. :D

[begintohope.livejournal.com]

If you get yourself really, really turned on - like by watching porn, reading erotica, or fantasizing - you might find that your clit (the "pleasure spot" you're seeking, I would assume) will start to feel tingly, swollen, etc. & will demand attention. It'll probably be easier to find when you're in that state.

Also, just so you know, because it's hard to tell from your post - the clitoris, which is the main pleasure zone for most women, is located on the outside of the body, not inside the vagina. Here's (http://www.drtavakoli.com.au/css/images/imagesn/procedures/labioplasty-diagram.jpg) a helpful diagram (though definitely keep in mind that vaginas are like snowflakes & no two look the same!).

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll try that. :D

[archangelbeth]

Adding that clitorises are all unique in how they like to be touched. Some clitorises revel in direct stimulation. Some are sensitive and require indirect stimulation, such as pinching the labia above the clit and rubbing through the skin. Many clitorises like to be gently teased for a while before working up to direct touch -- going right after them, right away can be painful, or result in rather pathetic climaxes that are more a "okay, I'm exhausted, go away now" than satisfying. But some clits are ruff, tuff, and just demand a good direct rubbin' right away!

And some vaginas want to be in on the action! You may want to have some form of vibrator or dildo inserted while paying attention to the clitoris, whether you have thrusting action or not. Other vaginas really can't be bothered with all that, and are happy to let the clitoris have all the fun.

Bodies: they're terribly unique and don't come with instruction manuals.

[cathubodva.livejournal.com]

Beth, this comment made me laugh. I love how you word these things!

[sweetchild92.livejournal.com]

And then there are those that love all of the above within the span of 5 minutes :D

[archangelbeth]

So true! Gotta start at the right place, of course... O:D

[lady-october.livejournal.com]

Like it's been said above...relax. Some night when you're sure you won't be interrupted, just relax and maybe watch some videos, or read some smut, and get yourself turned on then go and just explore. No pressure, don't even make it your goal to get the ultimate goal done. Just, figure out what you like best. I have a friend who is paralyzed and can get achieve an orgasm even though she has no feeling in her vaginal area or clitoris. It's all about knowing yourself. Have fun with it ;) It's your body...get to know it and love it for it's quirks and differences. ;)

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I'll definitely give it a try. :D

[crinury.livejournal.com]

First of all, congratulations for being courageous and asking this question!

I'd like to add that really, most of the process takes place in the mind. Try to find what exactly turns you on the most, so that you start feeling hot and bothered in just a few minutes. If you want to stimulate yourself inside (assuming that by "pleasure spot" you mean G-spot), take it easy. In the beginning, you might not even feel pleasure as you stimulate yourself, but be patient, relax, take a break sometimes. Pleasure increases with your arousal :P. I know that for me, the feeling of being stretched is just as pleasurable as hitting the right spot with the right force at the right frequency - as you can see, there are many variables, so explore, explore, explore! (And keep a box of tissues handy, the ladyparts can be very... productive. :P)

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

lol, thanks. I'll keep at it. :D

[morien-san.livejournal.com]

There is a great free booklet (that I'm pimping everywhere, 'cause it's that awesome) called A Guide Clitoral Sex. Here's the link (http://www.rfsu.se/Bildbank/Dokument/Praktikor/praktika-clitoral_guide.pdf?epslanguage=en) (warning - 2MB pdf!). It explains all the visible and hidden parts of the vulva and gives some good suggestions about pleasuring them.

From my experience: if I'm not aroused touching my clit feels pretty much like touching other parts of my body. When everything is engorged and wet the touch feels different. My advice is to start with figuring out what you need to get your sex organs in the state of readiness (what kind of erotica, fantasies, porn etc.) and then explore some more.

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Alright, thanks for that, I'll give it a shot. :D

[briebribeez.livejournal.com]

Relaxation, as most people have noted, is super important. It's also good to take a lot of time to get familiar with your body, and the two key points are obviously the clitoris and the g-spot. The clitoris is easy to locate, but the key is to remember that the clitoris actually extends under the skin down the sides of your labia, so stimulating all areas of your vagina is important. As far as the g-spot goes, it should be about 2 inches inside your vagina, and you should be able to find it by making a "come here" motion with your fingers, pressing on the top of your vagina (towards your belly). It should be about the size and shape of an almond, kind of a calloused spot. It takes a lot of practice to get your body used to g-spot stimulation, but damn it's worth it!

There is also the option of a vibrator, and I personally really recommend anything from Fun Factory (http://www.funfactory.com), or Phillip or Thumbs Up from Pure Romance (http://ww2.pureromance.com/PUBLICSTORE/product/Wireless-Thumbs-Up,376,156.aspx & http://ww2.pureromance.com/PUBLICSTORE/product/Phillip,745,155.aspx.) Sex toys can be useful, but you need to know your body relatively well to use them right.

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the info and the links. :D

[hilabeans.livejournal.com]

I am going to second everything everyone else said about relaxing, getting in the mood, and trying different things, and add this: Be patient.

Everyone's body is different, and it will take some time to figure out exactly where and how you like to be touched and stimulated - and then how to build those feelings up to orgasm. Don't give up - it took me a little over 2 years to have my first one (I was really uncomfortable with my body and with the idea of pleasuring myself), and they were hard to come by for a while, but the more I've learned and the more comfortable I've gotten with my body, the easier it has become.

One thing that really helped me was the book How to Have an Orgasm... As Often As You Want. It has a lot of great information and exercises for exploring and getting comfortable with your body. (http://www.amazon.com/How-Have-Orgasm---Often-Want/dp/0881849545/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1322771499&sr=8-1)

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Hmm, thanks, it's good to know that I'm not the only one out there. :D

[teprometo.livejournal.com]

Haven't read any of the other comments, so I may just be mimicking what others have already said, but here goes.

First step: get REALLY aroused! See if you like porn. There IS good porn out there! You just have to sift through the garbage... I recommend Lilly Thai for her adorable laughter and banter and her great squirting orgasms, and recently I've been told that James Deen is the hottest male porn star EVAR! And it's all available for free online! Lately I've been looking through Tumblr tags. People on there often weed out the gross stuff and just give you pretty hot, pretty decent quality porn. simplyloveandlust.tumblr.com has a lot of animated .gifs and posts videos, and they're usually pretty good!

Otherwise, if you don't like porn, try reading erotica. Now, I'm on LiveJournal because there are GREAT fan fiction communities here. So I read NC17 slash (male/male) fan fiction in Harry Potter, BBC Merlin, and sometimes Star Trek fandoms. But fandoms exist EVERYWHERE and depending on your interests, you can find really thoughtfully written erotica about characters you already love, and you can chose whether you want m/m, m/f, or f/f. Try it out. You might love it! Also, all of my best friends are people I've met through fandom.

Okay, so now you're really aroused, right? This makes EVERYTHING easier. I like to watch porn because there's both visual and auditory stimulation that's ongoing that I don't have to really concentrate on.

First try rubbing your crotch with your hand over your underwear. Try different amounts of pressure and different directions of motion. I don't like direct clit stimulation. I kind of like general pressure moving over the area. I do not have a g-spot (or a sensitive g-spot... if it's there, it certainly doesn't make a peep!) but you might. But DON'T feel discouraged if vaginal penetration isn't exciting for you.

Then just play around, try different things, and don't feel weird about it. That's the most important thing. When people say, "relax," what they mean is, "don't feel weird." I often sort of dirty-talk myself in my head when I feel self-conscious (and I still do sometimes). You don't want to take relaxation too far, because you need muscle tension to achieve orgasm. If you're enjoying yourself, your body will kind of move itself. Let it. Don't be anxious about relaxing. (Kind of defeats the purpose, right?)

But I think the important thing for figuring out your first orgasm is being able to stay immersed in arousal. Enjoying porn is, I think, the absolute best way to make that happen.

Good luck!

[kinky-carter.livejournal.com]

Thanks for all the pointers I'll definitely have to try them out. :D