Raising libido/sex drive

[opaloctober.livejournal.com]

So, my husband and I have been toghether for 6 1/2 years, and in the beginning, things were great sexually...well, better. A lot better. Over the years some things happened in life as they do...I got on meds for BPD and BP-II disorder, and got pregnant, which lead to a stillbirth, and had 2 more miscarriages. Things that happened in our personal lives effected our sex lives. Especially mine. My husbands libido and sex drive have ALWAYS been through the roof, and mine has been getting increasingly non-existant. May-July of 2010 while we were trying for another baby, I thought I had gotten my so-called "groove" back because with the excitement of trying for a baby, and things that happen during ovulation, my sex drive was at an all time high. July 23 of last year we found our I was pregnant at 5 weeks. At 6 weeks, morning sickness hit, and a few weeks later my gallbladder started acting up, revealing that I had gallstones. So, basically this entire pregnancy i've been sick. I'm 32 weeks now, and it's almost over. I read in magazines, etc that my sex drive would come back in late pregnancy, but so far, that is yet to be seen. Sex hurts now, and even my husband has noticed it. He says i'm tighter, and that it feels better for him, but to me, it HURTS and we have to use extra lube and start out super slow with penetration. He says he's trying to get in all the sex he can before the baby comes, because my recovery from the baby is going to make my body off limits sexually. At least for a while. I've been feeling so bad and down on myself that I don't even like to give him oral anymore, and I used to think I was pretty good at it and actually liked doing it for him. I expressed this to him last night, and he said, "Well you're still the best i've ever had"...That means a lot, but it doesn't get my libido back. All i've ever wanted with my husband is a "normal" sex life. I run into sex everywhere I go, and he wants it EVERY day, but I just can't get in the mood. Sometimes I think about sex and get physically ill and exhausted. Someone help???

Comments

[livinghappylies.livejournal.com]

I think you should give yourself a break, the number on thing here is your good health and the babys - I think its not helpful that he wants to 'get in all the sex now' as if it is hurting you he will just have appreciate that you're carrying his child.

[cabbagemedley.livejournal.com]

Absolutely this! Your body is off limits at any time you don't want to have sex, OP. Because it's your body. End of story.

Being heavily pregnant is a huge strain. Your hormones are all over the places, your body is working overtime to support the foetus and just carrying the weight of it around is tiring. It's far more important that you should rest and avoid pain if you want to than it is for your husband to get in as much sex as possible before the baby arrives! I really don't think yours is the attitude that needs to change here.

[archangelbeth]

Your tissues are probably swollen from water retention. While this is hopefully not as bad as I got with my pre-eclampsia, it does mean that you are, well, swollen everywhere, and especially in the vaginal area. So yes, it can hurt, and this is not outside the norms, and I think it's time to focus on him petting you, and being sensual, not being necessarily sexual. External-only sex for a while, that you can enjoy. Sensuality, a feeling that he's working for your pleasure first and his incidentally (and he can finish himself off without trying to guilt you about it if you're just not feeling well enough to reciprocate)... That can help even a low libido.

(I had all-day nausea for a large chunk of my pregnancy. Blah.)

The miscarriages... Have you been checked for thyroid problems? I'd strongly urge checking both now, and a few months after you have the baby. Low thyroid can often cause low libido, along with miscarriages, pre-eclampsia, and (scary, but I managed to dodge it) fetal brain damage. However, apparently hCG mimics TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) a little, and can cause the thyroid to work a bit better during pregnancy; I felt less tired, or only normally so, during my pregnancy, and afterwards my thyroid went to Bermuda without me. O:p

My kid is 11 now and it can still take a lot for me to get out of Mommy Brain mode. (And this is without the potential complication of being on brain-chemistry meds.) Fortunately, a backrub that turns into a body-rub will usually get me quite entertained. And I would suspect that the more of that you can get, the more your libido will be willing to be coaxed out rather than just curl up and sulk in the bottom of your mind. But... your husband really does need to take the pressure off. If some form of sex hurts you, he really needs to be able to back off, see if you're still interested in non-hurting forms of sex, or just in petting and cuddling and maybe telling each other naughty bedtime stories. Can you sit down and communicate that the whole "get the sex in while I can" is making you feel pressured, since it's painful and un-fun?