Your tissues are probably swollen from water retention. While this is hopefully not as bad as I got with my pre-eclampsia, it does mean that you are, well, swollen everywhere, and especially in the vaginal area. So yes, it can hurt, and this is not outside the norms, and I think it's time to focus on him petting you, and being sensual, not being necessarily sexual. External-only sex for a while, that you can enjoy. Sensuality, a feeling that he's working for your pleasure first and his incidentally (and he can finish himself off without trying to guilt you about it if you're just not feeling well enough to reciprocate)... That can help even a low libido.
(I had all-day nausea for a large chunk of my pregnancy. Blah.)
The miscarriages... Have you been checked for thyroid problems? I'd strongly urge checking both now, and a few months after you have the baby. Low thyroid can often cause low libido, along with miscarriages, pre-eclampsia, and (scary, but I managed to dodge it) fetal brain damage. However, apparently hCG mimics TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) a little, and can cause the thyroid to work a bit better during pregnancy; I felt less tired, or only normally so, during my pregnancy, and afterwards my thyroid went to Bermuda without me. O:p
My kid is 11 now and it can still take a lot for me to get out of Mommy Brain mode. (And this is without the potential complication of being on brain-chemistry meds.) Fortunately, a backrub that turns into a body-rub will usually get me quite entertained. And I would suspect that the more of that you can get, the more your libido will be willing to be coaxed out rather than just curl up and sulk in the bottom of your mind. But... your husband really does need to take the pressure off. If some form of sex hurts you, he really needs to be able to back off, see if you're still interested in non-hurting forms of sex, or just in petting and cuddling and maybe telling each other naughty bedtime stories. Can you sit down and communicate that the whole "get the sex in while I can" is making you feel pressured, since it's painful and un-fun?
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Date: 2011-02-08 08:34 pm (UTC)(I had all-day nausea for a large chunk of my pregnancy. Blah.)
The miscarriages... Have you been checked for thyroid problems? I'd strongly urge checking both now, and a few months after you have the baby. Low thyroid can often cause low libido, along with miscarriages, pre-eclampsia, and (scary, but I managed to dodge it) fetal brain damage. However, apparently hCG mimics TSH (thyroid stimulating hormone) a little, and can cause the thyroid to work a bit better during pregnancy; I felt less tired, or only normally so, during my pregnancy, and afterwards my thyroid went to Bermuda without me. O:p
My kid is 11 now and it can still take a lot for me to get out of Mommy Brain mode. (And this is without the potential complication of being on brain-chemistry meds.) Fortunately, a backrub that turns into a body-rub will usually get me quite entertained. And I would suspect that the more of that you can get, the more your libido will be willing to be coaxed out rather than just curl up and sulk in the bottom of your mind. But... your husband really does need to take the pressure off. If some form of sex hurts you, he really needs to be able to back off, see if you're still interested in non-hurting forms of sex, or just in petting and cuddling and maybe telling each other naughty bedtime stories. Can you sit down and communicate that the whole "get the sex in while I can" is making you feel pressured, since it's painful and un-fun?