(no subject)

[emo-princess.livejournal.com]

When I have sex it still hurts really bad..I have no clue if this is going to be an every time thing or not!! I mean I have had sex with my boyfriend about 6 or 7 times now and it doesnt seem to be getting any less painful for me. I was just wondering if maybe this is normal and if others experience this as well??

Also my boyfriend noticed that when he fingered me there was a lil' hump right when he put his finger in like his fingers had to go over a lump to get to the "good stuff". So I have no idea what this would be or if its normal or what?? please help because I am quite scared!!

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Are you wet when you're having sex? Have you tried using lube?

What do you mean by "the good stuff" -- your vagina? (It's hard to tell from what you write. Different people consider different places to be "good stuff.")

Does it feel good to you when he fingers you?

[emo-princess.livejournal.com]

yes I am very wet when we have sex the entire time. So I dont use a lube.

by the "good stuff" I mean like for me to enjoy it he has to go over this lump. It feels way better when he fingers me then when we have sex. So I just dont know if this is normal or not..thanx babes

Heather

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I still don't know where "the good stuff" is. It could be in the vagina (then the lump could be your pubic bone or your cervix) or your vulva (then the lump could be your clit).

Your vagina is only the inside part, where tampons go. The outside wet parts are your vulva.

I like intercourse, but I don't usually get off on intercourse all by itself. I need some sort of stimulation on my clit. Being fingered or tongued is much more predictable. But I don't prefer one or the other, I like them both. If I want to get off while I'm having intercourse, I use my finger or a vibrator on my clit.

Are you fairly well aware of your anatomy, like what's there, and why? Do you know what feels good when you masturbate? You could ask him to do similar things. Take it easy on the intercourse, go slowly and take your time. Ask him to stop when it hurts, and try other things for awhile. There's no rush.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

And please please please check out these links:
http://www.vaginapagina.com/links.php
Those in the "anatomy" section might be incredibly useful.

[dreamfireflame.livejournal.com]

I've found that since I'm rather small inside (never had a hymen though), I need to be gentle for the first minute or so of sex. Basically, I go on top of my boy, lead him inside, and just sit there, holding him inside while my body relaxes and stretches a bit. Otherwise, it really hurts if I try to go at it right away. After the "getting used to" part, I'm perfectly fine and it's really enjoyable. Maybe try something like that? Some gentleness?

good luck!

[roseofjuly.livejournal.com]

I know this is literally almost four years late, but your comment was SUCH an inspiration. I'm having pain problems and I'm working on things to experiment with, and this sounded like a really good idea. I also never had a hymen (or broke it painlessly before sex) and am rather small, so maybe I just need to be gentle in the beginning.

I LOVE LOVE LOVE you :D

[jmkelly.livejournal.com]

Intercourse that "hurts really bad" is definitely not normal. Don't put up with it.

I can think of two possible explanations (there may be more; I'm not a doctor or a woman, so I'm not an expert):
If you were recently a virgin, your experience may be the same as my first lover's. It took a surprisingly long time for all of her hymen to get stretched out/removed/whatever, and it hurt every time we had sex. The problem resolved on its own after a month or two.
Or you may be experiencing vaginismus (http://www.nlm.nih.gov/medlineplus/ency/article/001487.htm), an involuntary spasm of the vaginal muscles. It's rare but it happens. Try taking things slower, way slower.

Regarding that lump, it's probably normal. From your description, it could even be your clitoris (http://www.clitoris-information.com/clitoris.html), in which case your boyfriend should not just go over it on the way to the vagina. (Come to think of it, what's wrong with that boy? With all the information available on the web today, he should be able to name everything he touches and draw it from memory.) Anyway, if it's not that but something inside, it's still probably normal--vaginas have all kinds of interesting textures--but don't take my word for it. Sounds like you're overdue for an OB/GYN exam. Don't be scared, just do it. Not to channel Dear Abby or anything, but if you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to take care of yourself, i.e. by seeing a doctor. Respect yourself and be picky--find one you'll be comfortable discussing the painful-intercourse problem with.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

Not to channel Dear Abby or anything, but if you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to take care of yourself, i.e. by seeing a doctor.

Absolutely. If you're having sex, now's the time to go to a doctor and ask for more information about having not-painful intercourse, what that lump is, and to get info on preventing pregnancy and STDs.

[emo-princess.livejournal.com]

yea I know I really should I mean I am 18 years old and I havent been yet..its just the fact of I denno doctors I guess they just freak me out. I get nervous when I have to get a physical for soccer and all I have to do then is have my reflexes checked!! I guess I need to step up to the plate though!! thanks a lot to everyone who has replied..loads of help!!

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Vaginismus is not rare, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's vastly underreported, because many people don't think of a woman having painful sex as a medical problem.

Okay, I'm going to stop writing now before I go into my "how Western medicine has fucked up treatment of sexual health, women's health in general, and women's sexual health especially" rant.

[emmett-the-sane.livejournal.com]

Tell me about it! :(

My first gf, P, experienced painful intercourse, but was very afraid to talk about it with a professional. I read as many books as I could find (the web would have been nice to have, then), and figured out that she probably had vaginismus.

So, after a year or so of encouraging her to call her Kaiser (it's a sort of HMO) advice nurse and possibly schedule an appointment regarding vaginismus, the advice nurse told her: "No, it's just all in your head."

P put down the phone in tears. And that's pretty much where it lies with her today, over a decade later.

[lissarae.livejournal.com]

"Vaginismus is not rare, not by any stretch of the imagination. It's vastly underreported, because many people don't think of a woman having painful sex as a medical problem."

Thank you for bringing that up! I have Vaginismus, though I was unaware of it until a few years ago. Previously I had just believed the doctors when they told me it was "all in my head" (which sure didn't help matters).

emo_princess: Definitely take the advice in this thread... the more you know about your body, the better it is (for you and for your sex life). And I'd agree that a visit to the Gyno is in order. jmkelly put it perfectly: "Not to channel Dear Abby or anything, but if you're old enough to have sex you're old enough to take care of yourself, i.e. by seeing a doctor." As for being freaked out at the prospect of going, well, you're going to have to do it eventually. Better to do it now versus waiting for there to be a problem to prompt you. I would definitely search this community and the web to find out what to expect when you go, it can make it a lot less scary if you're prepared.

[jmkelly.livejournal.com]

I was wondering about that--not being in any position to know--I saw "2%" on the website that Google found, and over the next 5-10 minutes began to think, hmm, how many women who find intercourse painful due to vaginismus report it to their doctors (if they even have doctors), and how many report it but still get brushed off with "it's all in your head"? If we assume that only half of those who suffer from it tell their doctors, and half of them get brushed off, the incidence immediately goes up to 8%, and we haven't even considered women without doctors yet.

Thanks for holding off on the rant. Suffice it to say that Western medicine, after a somewhat promising start in the Renaissance, completely lost its grip on both male and female sexuality, to the detriment and even loss of billions of people's lives. Odd that the tradition that came up with smallpox vaccine and penicillin was completely unable to understand or acknowledge sexuality, especially female sexuality, for so long.

[xiphias.livejournal.com]

Besides which, even one in fifty is AMAZINGLY common for a disease that removes one's ability to participate in an important function.

The actual numbers that the Boston University Center for Sexual Medicine is coming up with are even higher.

Ends up with something like 50% of women having some sort of sexual dysfunction that deserves treatment. Most of them are relatively mild ones, more annoying than crippling. But the crippling ones aren't uncommon, either.

[ketchonade.livejournal.com]

Do you masturbate? Where exactly is this "lump"? Why don't you seek it out with your own fingers?

[mangofandango.livejournal.com]

As for the sex that hurts - you shouldn't put up with it if it's his technique that's doing it (as in, being too rough or not waiting until you're good and ready to be penetrated). However, if you're waiting until you're very turned on, being gentle with yourself when you get started, and making sure you're very wet, chances are you've just got some hymen left, or are very small. It took my body a few *months* to adjust so that sex was comfortable from the beginning - and we were doing everything right and being very patient and gentle.

I know you said you're very wet, but lube sometimes makes a huge difference anyway. I am usually very wet when I have sex, but I still find lube important. I really like Eros silicone lube myself, because it's extra slippery and doesn't dry up, but any lube is fine to try.

Are you conciously relaxing your vagina muscles before you start trying to put his penis inside you? That helped me immensely. It was one of the things I wasn't doing, and once I started doing it - big difference.

As for the "lump" - I suspect you're talking about your pubic bone, though it's hard to tell.You mean right inside your vagina, kind of on the top part? (If you havent' felt for yourself, you really should.) That's almost definently your pubic bone, and yeah, that's normal. :) I'm assuming you know where your clitoris is and everything, but if not, there's lots of diagrams in books or on the web (someone here could probably recommend a good one). If you don't know where your basic parts are, you should definently learn - it will make sex better, it will make you feel more informed and in control, and it will definently give you a better idea of how to pleasure yourself.

[emmett-the-sane.livejournal.com]

As for the "lump" - I suspect you're talking about your pubic bone

That was my guess, too, especially since she said "inside", and indicated that the hump itself wasn't the good part. My thought is that she's talking about her g-spot.

(the following directed towards the original poster)

Emo, I'm sorry that intercourse is painful for you. While I'm very much behind the idea that others have said about seeing a doctor, I also recommend perusing the book For Yourself: The Fulfillment of Female Sexuality (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/ASIN/0451202007/qid=1065807104/sr=2-1/ref=sr_2_1/002-8550849-0772054). It's a book that I read (I'm male) because my first gf had very similar kinds of problems to yours. Written by a sex therapist, it takes a very non-clinical approach to explaining all aspects of female sexuality from a practical, useful point of view (much of it applies equally well to some men, I've found).

[queenkangaroo.livejournal.com]

The hump is most likely your cervix. As for the pain, I would say that perhaps he's too big for you. Maybe he needs to be more gentle with his placement. Is he the only guy you've slept with? If not, has it been painful in the past with previous men?