Toying with withdrawal method

[dissolut.livejournal.com]

Hello everyone. I'm 22, in a monogamous relationship, and am sure we're both completely free of STDs. My only method of birth control for the past 3 years has been condoms (I'm not comfortable with the Pill due to my family's health history), and I've never had an issue.

I've done lots of research on this matter, including reading past posts in this community. I know that pre-come doesn't usually contain sperm, unless it's residue from a previous ejaculation. Also, my partner and I are very much in tune with each other, with a good deal of sexual self-knowledge on his part. The past few times we had sex, we started off without a condom (making sure he'd peed several times since his last ejaculation) and put one on halfway, well before he was remotely close to orgasm (this might seem like a hassle, but we don't mind at all!).

As it's been a few days since my period ended, I'm moving into my fertile window, and I've thought of going back to using condoms from the very start for increased safety, instead of stopping to put them on halfway. However, I'm wondering if this is even necessary - whether I'm fertile or not doesn't matter if it's true that pre-come doesn't contain sperm, and we continue using the withdrawal method perfectly. As mentioned earlier, we are very careful, but the initial spontaneity and few minutes of skin-to-skin contact are pretty hard to pass up.

My main questions are: are any of you careful, educated users of the withdrawal method? Do you use it alone, or do you combine it with condoms like what I do? How frequently do you practice it? What are your thoughts on my conundrum? With all the bad press that withdrawal gets (and which I've been trawling through online!), I guess I'm looking for some reassurance.

Comments

[lux-roark.livejournal.com]

I combine withdrawal with FAM. I can't take hormones because I have Factor V Leiden. I've been doing both for 2 years now and haven't had a pregnancy occur.

[dissolut.livejournal.com]

Just curious: on fertile days, do you abstain from sex, then? How many days a cycle, roughly, is that for you?

[lux-roark.livejournal.com]

We do abstain from sex during those days. I usually have a 3-4 date ovulatory cycle.

[1girl.livejournal.com]

I used to be on a medication that made my birth control less effective (not totally ineffective, so I did have some level of protection), so my boyfriend and I chose to use the withdrawal method. It really was in his control, and was a matter of him knowing his body. He never ejaculated inside of me the entire time we practiced that method.

In the past I have also used FAM and used condoms during my fertile window and allowed him to ejaculate inside of me on unfertile days. So that might be an option. But personally, I would probably trust FAM + withdrawal only. Maybe you could just get some Plan B (sometimes you can get it for free/cheap at Planned Parenthood) and keep it on hand in case of an "oops."

[hilikme.livejournal.com]

My boyfriend and I have used withdrawal frequently over the years (usually for those months/year I was taking a break from hormones), and never had an oops/pregnancy. For the fertile time around ovulation, he'd put a condom on halfway through usually, just as added insurance.


I think that combining FAM + withdrawal, as well as having a guy who's very self-aware about ejaculating and the "rules" (urination before sex, etc.), it's a pretty reliable way to go.

[spiralgirl1.livejournal.com]

We use withdrawal (paired with me being on HBC). My boyfriend perfected his technique several years before I met him, when his wife decided she didn't want to be on HBC anymore. There's no semen in pre-come, and as long as your male partner urinates between the last time he ejaculated and the next time he puts his peen in you, you should be covered. I always keep some EC on hand, just in case, but haven't really needed it (except to cover my paranoia). Quite frankly, I prefer withdrawal as opposed to not withdrawing, because I don't have to worry about there being any jiz in me, and the thought of that just makes me all oogie.

[thisisallyou.livejournal.com]

I use withdrawal along with HBC (Yasmin) with my boyfriend.
He's very sexually self-aware, and knows when he's reached that point of no return. We have a lot of sex, and he's never ejaculated inside me.

I prefer not using condoms, and because I'm on HBC anyways, I find withdrawal to just be additional back-up.

[rawhippie.livejournal.com]

My husband and I have been using the withdrawal method for 9 years now (basically after my eldest was born). We only had one time that he ejaculated inside of me. That was because we were both drunk and hadn't seen each other in 2 months. So we got kind of carried away. I did get pregnant from that one time.

Personally I think it's a good method so long as you're careful. If there is any chance that he may ejaculate inside of you (like with what happened to us) then definitely use a condom. Because we're married and not too worried about getting pregnant (if we do we do) we don't use any other form of birth control. We have two children who we adore and we're not looking to have another. Withdrawal seems to do pretty well.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I've been using withdrawal as my sole method of contraception for about six years and two partners. I do not abstain during my fertile period, and I allow ejaculation in the vagina between cycle days 1 and 3, which would make my efficacy a bit lower overall, but it's a risk I'm willing to take. I've practiced it regardless of sexual activity; right now I'm not having sex especially often for various reasons, but even when my partner and I are having sex very regularly we use only withdrawal.

You're right, withdrawal does get a lot of bad press. Interestingly, though, it's one of the most common methods of contraception. One study from the Guttmacher Institute found that withdrawal use was massively underreported because many people don't consider it a method of "real birth control," but still used it alone or in conjunction with other methods. Some researchers even think that the efficacy of, for instance, condoms could actually be overstated as a sole method because its efficacy is also impacted by withdrawal. If you're in the mood for some reading generally on the topic, I find this paper (http://www.guttmacher.org/pubs/journals/reprints/Contraception79-407-410.pdf) from the Guttmacher Institute to be a very interesting one that raises some good points.

As far as your situation, I can only speak to my personal experience, but obviously since I use withdrawal as my sole method I would not be using condoms. However, I'm also very comfortable with withdrawal and its efficacy rate, and I'm willing to take on a larger failure rate than some other people are. As for your personally, it really depends on what pregnancy risk means to you, and where your threshhold of comfort is.

[missdi.livejournal.com]

I use it combined with FAM. FAM is my primary form of contraception, withdrawal secondary. I lost my virginity to my current boyfriend a year ago and we've never had any slip-ups. He has practiced withdrawal in previous relationships and has enough confidence in it to use it on its own. I added FAM because we wanted him to be able to finish inside me. I prefer to abstain from PIV-sex during my fertile window. We are long-distance (see each other approx. every second weekend) and that combined with surprisingly good timing has led to us not having the opportunity to/problem of have sex during my fertile window very often. When we do find ourselves together on fertile days we usually stick to non-PIV sex.

[bernthewitch.livejournal.com]

We use the withdrawal method when I'm not using the pill (for various reasons). We don't use any other backup method, and even when I am on the pill (Ginette) we only ever use that method. We've been using withdrawal ever since we got together (5 years) for probably three months of every year. No pregnancies as yet, but I most likely have underlying fertility issues anyway and we're not *that* careful because a baby isn't the end of the world for us.

So, not a bunch of information here, just another voice added to the fray saying that the withdrawal method worked and continues to work for us.

I'd like to add along with others that the "failure rate" is directly related to how you view getting pregnant. If you want to be comparatively safe from pregnancy, use a backup method.

[pqowlaks.livejournal.com]

I have been using withdrawal almost exclusively since I've been having sex (about 6 years) and got pregnant for the first time a couple months ago. He did not come inside of me, and peed since the last time he ejaculated, so honestly, I don't know if it was from pre-cum or if some got too close to my vag or what!

[plantinglilacs.livejournal.com]

if you really don't want to get pregnant, I don't think you can be too careful. You said you don't want to go on the pill and you don't like the lack of intimacy with a condom. Have you considered a diaphram? It is non hormonal and allows for person to person contact.

[dissolut.livejournal.com]

I have looked them up, but they sound a bit fussy to me - what with having to put them in before intercourse and make sure they're in the right place. My view might change if I knew of people who've had positive experiences with them, but they don't seem particularly popular where I'm from.

Actually, I don't mind using condoms and am happy to include them in my routine, even if I'd prefer to start without them. I like my partner finishing in me, and condoms are probably the simplest (non-hormonal/invasive) option. It's probably psychological, but there's something reassuring about seeing the semen contained and cleanly yanked out, rather than in direct contact with me (as it would be with a diaphragm).

Thanks for the suggestion though!

[archangelbeth]

I don't use withdrawal, and wouldn't use it with my spouse... primarily because I've found that sometimes he "leaks" semen up to about a minute before his orgasm. It's very rare, but I've observed it about 3 times, and that's 3 times too many for my peace of mind. O:> He's been no more than about a minute or two from his orgasm, though (maybe shorter; sometimes time stretches when one's jaw is a little tired... >_> )...

Anyway, if you're sure your fellow doesn't leak, ever -- or that he withdraws or puts on a condom before that's at all likely -- then it's up to your risk assessment and comfort level. Maybe keep some Plan B on hand. (And/or perhaps the old plan B of my era, as well, which was immediate insertion of spermicidal foam in case of an "oops." The chemical one has a higher chance of success, but if you're ovulating... probably wouldn't hurt to use some spermicide unless you're very sensitive to it.)

I'm sorry that I'm probably not being reassuring! On the other hand, I know what you mean about the spontaneity thing; I often pair crude FAM or calendar method with contraceptive sponges, because I want a little extra "oomph" to their effectiveness, and... I think I wouldn't like my spouse to withdraw. *wry grin* So I'm crossing my fingers that you can work out a method or combo of methods that works well for y'all.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

I've just always wondered this -- how do you tell the difference between pre-ejaculate and semen? I've found that the two are quite similar to my taste, touch and sight, and that's about when the bulk of pre-ejaculate emission has occured in my partners -- usually shortly before orgasm.

[dissolut.livejournal.com]

Good question, I think I need to know this, too! We stop and put on a condom long before his orgasm, so even if he were to leak in a similar manner, it wouldn't be an issue. But I have to admit I'm now worried about earlier leaks, or even leaks throughout, if that's even biologically possible. The word "leak" is making me snort a little.

[queensugar.livejournal.com]

My general thought on it has been that fluid observed before ejaculation is almost always pre-ejaculate fluid; sperm and semen generally requires the pumping action of orgasm in order to eject it through the various ducts and into and out of the urethra, whereas pre-ejaculate fluid is secreted directly into the urethra and doesn't require any such mechanism. I have observed that the pre-ejaculate fluid and seminal fluid have a similar taste and consistency.

[archangelbeth]

In my spouse's case? He doesn't have pre-ejaculate. At all. No fluids to speak of. Only about 3 times (married since 1991! Lived with him for about a year before that!) have I noted any oozing, and that tasted and looked identical to semen. Aside from that? Zip-all taste or fluid until ejaculation.

It wasn't a strong ooze -- it was more like... the last drippy bits after an ejaculation, sort of welling up a little, without any force behind them.

A couple of those times were when he had a stealth UTI, so I don't know what might've been up with the ducting.

[sleepseeker.livejournal.com]

my partner and i have been using a combination of FAM, withdrawal, and condoms for the past year. he is allowed to ejaculate inside me from four days after my temperature shift (indicating ovulation has occurred) up to five days after the start of my period. after the first five days but before ovulation, we use withdrawal, and during the period of time directly before and after ovulation (when i have obvious fertile cervical fluid and/or a temperature shift has occurred) we *tend to* use condoms for his "finale", although we aren't always consistent about it and he sometimes ends up just pulling out. so far, so good -- no "oopses".

you sound very well-researched and confident with the method. if you have any doubts, putting on a condom partway through sounds like a good solution, but if i were you i wouldn't worry about using one for the complete duration of your sexual encounters, even during your fertile phase. as long as he pees between ejaculations, and he's not a "leaker", i'd consider the level of risk to be minimal/acceptable, but ultimately it's up to you. in any sexual relationship, no matter what type of protection you are using, i think it is important to discuss what you both find to be acceptable risks, combined with a discussion of how serious the consequences of pregnancy would be for you both at this point.