bad experience

[betterbebalboa.livejournal.com]

Hi all, I had a really bad sexual experience last night, the kind of thing where I felt happy this morning until I remembered what had happened and it all came crashing down. I just wanted to be able to talk about it and ask what I should do next.

There's a guy in my graduate program who's been flirting with me for a while. Last night our program hosted a party for us. At the end, people were heading to different apartments to continue celebrating. The guy mentioned heading to someone's place, so I left with him, thinking I would spend a little time there before heading home. I was very drunk. He took me to his apartment instead and started making out with me. I don't even know what set it off, but I started crying and totally breaking down, apologizing and asking to go home. I know that I really didn't want to have sex with him and I just wanted to go home. I was curled up and crying hysterically. All I really remember him saying are things like "This isn't what I expected" and "I'm kind of bored." I threw up a couple times from being so drunk. I felt like he wouldn't let me/help me go home until I slept with him, so I did. I just kind of gave in. I felt really cold and awful while we were having sex, which is not at all how I usually feel. [He used a condom.] Then he called me a ride and I was able to get home.

I've never had something like this happen to me before; I'm generally very assertive about what I want and don't want sexually. Right now I feel like shit, just ashamed and confused. I know he didn't literally assault me, he waited for me to verbally consent, but I feel like a normal person would have realized that me crying hysterically, asking repeatedly to go home, and being so drunk that I was throwing up was not a time when I *could* really consent. I don't really know what to do. I don't want to get him in trouble or give him a bad name, I just want to pretend like this never happened - I don't want to see him or talk to him again. I don't want anyone else in my program to know this happened.

If you could give me any advice about how to avoid him, or just help me not to feel like a dumb slut, it would be much appreciated.

Comments

[melisjesus.livejournal.com]

*BIG HUGS* I'm so sorry to hear this happened to you.

This was NOT YOUR FAULT. You are NOT a slut or sub-human or immoral or stupid. He took advantage of you.

I completely agree with archangelbeth's "cut direct" approach of ignoring him. Though even less something you're ignoring, but something you don't even see - like a smudge on the painted wall.
I also agree with the others who've suggested seeing a counselor. It would probably be very beneficial with helping you get your thoughts out and cope.

[jenn-girl.livejournal.com]

I have used that technique, although I didn't know that was what I was doing at the time when I couldn't avoid the guy who date raped me and had chosen not to report, or pursue anything. I would look past him, or totally flatten my expression whenever I saw him. It helps.