"Protected Sex" and ageism... wow, this became a rant.

[natane.livejournal.com]

just a thought...
the phrase "protected sex" really bothers me because i think it's a misleading term.

most of the time, "protected" really connotates "sex with a condom" (or dental dam, but i'm speaking from a perspective of someone who has had sex only with men, so bear with me on this). at least in my experience.

it implies that sex minus a condom is sex with a risk of STDs (which is true in some cases but not in all). sex without a barrier method, no matter the situation, is defined as "unsafe". so no matter what you may use besides a barrier method and how committed of a relationship you may be in, you're having "unprotected" sex and not being "safe".

by extension, barrier methods are seen as the only "safe" way (pregnancy-proof), which kinda annoys me, because you can have sex without a barrier method and not get pregnant. there's about 242556554 other methods of not getting pregnant besides a condom. some of which work much better than condoms!
I apologize for the misleading statistic in this paragraph. I was not trying to provide incorrect information, it was merely a typo. I have removed it since others have more detailed explanations in the comments. Thanks.

ugh. i don't know. it just seems like a really prejudiced and limiting term to me. and i'm getting really sick of being tutted at for having "unprotected" sex by various doctors (all of whom have KNOWN i was on birth control). yes, i didn't use a freaking condom. that doesn't mean i'm unintelligent, being "unsafe", or wantonly risking STDs or pregnancy. yes, i know what they are. yes, i know how to use one. yes, i know the benefits of condoms (and the risks and drawbacks). yes, i can stand up to my boyfriend and tell him to use one, please do not advise me on how to do so.

although some of that attitude, i think, is based on the fact that i'm 18, and therefore, of course, couldn't
- have a committed relationships. cause, ya know, us teenagers just go from relationship to relationship and cheat on each other all the time, and know nothing about fidelity or serious relationships. i'm just sleeping with the entire football team.
- in which both of us are STD free. cause of course we'd be too immature to think about stuff like that, and stay safe and get tested. and all teenage boys are cheating on their girlfriends because they have that masculine high sex drive *gags*, so i should be making him use a condom cause he'll give me something!
- and have no risk of pregnancy*. because, you know, teenagers are all just having sex and half-assedly using the pull-out method, and half of the girls want to get preggers anyway, to keep the guy.

obviously i agree with none of the stereotypes i quoted above. i meant them in sarcasm.

i'm so sick of assumptions based on my age. if i was twenty-five, would doctors act in the same way towards my "unprotected" sex? possibly. probably not.

thoughts? apologies for turning this into a rant. it was at first just a thought about condoms and "protected sex" and i started thinking about instances in the past that emphasis has been put on condoms in my life.

* i will admit there are times in the past i have had a risk, or at least thought i had one, and did not use a condom - and hormonal birth control is not 100% foolproof. so i guess it's more of "an extremely low risk".

Comments

[natane.livejournal.com]

i'm planning on getting a "real" gyno or at least moving to planned parenthood. right now, i'm dealing with the health center on my college campus, because they're close (literally 200 feet from my bed, where i am right now, haha) and free, and i don't know how much medicaid really will cover.

in the past i have dealt a free clinic in my hometown and while they were also semi-uneducated, they were more likely to listen to my opinions and wishes about my own medical health.

the sad thing is that it's a women's college, and all female doctors.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Patriarchy is everywhere, as is ignorance. Women are often our own worst enemies.

[natane.livejournal.com]

oh, agreed. but it's sad, to me, that someplace that should be more educated than average about women's health is not. at all.

[atalanta0jess.livejournal.com]

Agreed. :(

[candycane-09.livejournal.com]

College health centers are notorious for that kind of stuff. I don't think I've ever heard of someone having a good experience at one.

I noticed that you also can't use latex condoms? Have you considered the polyisoprene kind? They're slightly cheaper than latex condoms but work just as well without that latex scent.

Not saying you should use condoms, just that if that's what you want to do they're a good alternative to latex.

[natane.livejournal.com]

what i've used once and liked were lifestyles skyns? i believe. those were something i could live with. except, you know, insurance doesn't cover them and i can't buy them cause i'm broke, and they don't give them out free anywhere i've seen.

however in general, i just dislike condoms. they have a lot of disadvantages in my particular relationship, and really no advantage. the only reason we have to use them is during anal, and honestly, when we did use them last time it was two given to me by a kleptomaniac friend.

[candycane-09.livejournal.com]

Yeah Lifestyle Skyns and also Avanti Bare. I wish they would give them out for free like they do latex condoms. It makes more sense since they are cheaper.

[natane.livejournal.com]

yeah. i really liked the skyns, and if i had to use a condom and was able to buy condoms, i'd use those.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I have a couple (2/3 of a 3-pack) of Skyns that I can't use. (Yay for being the small subset of the latex-sensitive population who's also sensitive to polyisoprene.) If you want to have a couple on hand for anal or backup or whatever and want to PM me with your mailing address, I can send them to you.

If not, that's totally cool too -- just wanted to offer. They're just getting no love/use/etc. around here, so it's either give them away or send them out in my holiday greeting cards. :P

[natane.livejournal.com]

actually, um, unless you've already made plans for cards, that'd be kinda great. let me message you, but be forewarned my messaging on here apparently hates me.

[frolicnaked.livejournal.com]

I don't have anything in my inbox from you, so I'll also offer up my VP email (frolicnaked AT vaginapagina DOT com) and my personal email (frolicnaked AT yahoo DOT com). If you email me, can you make sure to include your LJ username so I make the connection back to this conversation? ;)