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vaginapaginajust a thought...
the phrase "protected sex" really bothers me because i think it's a misleading term.
most of the time, "protected" really connotates "sex with a condom" (or dental dam, but i'm speaking from a perspective of someone who has had sex only with men, so bear with me on this). at least in my experience.
it implies that sex minus a condom is sex with a risk of STDs (which is true in some cases but not in all). sex without a barrier method, no matter the situation, is defined as "unsafe". so no matter what you may use besides a barrier method and how committed of a relationship you may be in, you're having "unprotected" sex and not being "safe".
by extension, barrier methods are seen as the only "safe" way (pregnancy-proof), which kinda annoys me, because you can have sex without a barrier method and not get pregnant. there's about 242556554 other methods of not getting pregnant besides a condom. some of which work much better than condoms!
I apologize for the misleading statistic in this paragraph. I was not trying to provide incorrect information, it was merely a typo. I have removed it since others have more detailed explanations in the comments. Thanks.
ugh. i don't know. it just seems like a really prejudiced and limiting term to me. and i'm getting really sick of being tutted at for having "unprotected" sex by various doctors (all of whom have KNOWN i was on birth control). yes, i didn't use a freaking condom. that doesn't mean i'm unintelligent, being "unsafe", or wantonly risking STDs or pregnancy. yes, i know what they are. yes, i know how to use one. yes, i know the benefits of condoms (and the risks and drawbacks). yes, i can stand up to my boyfriend and tell him to use one, please do not advise me on how to do so.
although some of that attitude, i think, is based on the fact that i'm 18, and therefore, of course, couldn't
- have a committed relationships. cause, ya know, us teenagers just go from relationship to relationship and cheat on each other all the time, and know nothing about fidelity or serious relationships. i'm just sleeping with the entire football team.
- in which both of us are STD free. cause of course we'd be too immature to think about stuff like that, and stay safe and get tested. and all teenage boys are cheating on their girlfriends because they have that masculine high sex drive *gags*, so i should be making him use a condom cause he'll give me something!
- and have no risk of pregnancy*. because, you know, teenagers are all just having sex and half-assedly using the pull-out method, and half of the girls want to get preggers anyway, to keep the guy.
obviously i agree with none of the stereotypes i quoted above. i meant them in sarcasm.
i'm so sick of assumptions based on my age. if i was twenty-five, would doctors act in the same way towards my "unprotected" sex? possibly. probably not.
thoughts? apologies for turning this into a rant. it was at first just a thought about condoms and "protected sex" and i started thinking about instances in the past that emphasis has been put on condoms in my life.
* i will admit there are times in the past i have had a risk, or at least thought i had one, and did not use a condom - and hormonal birth control is not 100% foolproof. so i guess it's more of "an extremely low risk".
the phrase "protected sex" really bothers me because i think it's a misleading term.
most of the time, "protected" really connotates "sex with a condom" (or dental dam, but i'm speaking from a perspective of someone who has had sex only with men, so bear with me on this). at least in my experience.
it implies that sex minus a condom is sex with a risk of STDs (which is true in some cases but not in all). sex without a barrier method, no matter the situation, is defined as "unsafe". so no matter what you may use besides a barrier method and how committed of a relationship you may be in, you're having "unprotected" sex and not being "safe".
by extension, barrier methods are seen as the only "safe" way (pregnancy-proof), which kinda annoys me, because you can have sex without a barrier method and not get pregnant. there's about 242556554 other methods of not getting pregnant besides a condom. some of which work much better than condoms!
I apologize for the misleading statistic in this paragraph. I was not trying to provide incorrect information, it was merely a typo. I have removed it since others have more detailed explanations in the comments. Thanks.
ugh. i don't know. it just seems like a really prejudiced and limiting term to me. and i'm getting really sick of being tutted at for having "unprotected" sex by various doctors (all of whom have KNOWN i was on birth control). yes, i didn't use a freaking condom. that doesn't mean i'm unintelligent, being "unsafe", or wantonly risking STDs or pregnancy. yes, i know what they are. yes, i know how to use one. yes, i know the benefits of condoms (and the risks and drawbacks). yes, i can stand up to my boyfriend and tell him to use one, please do not advise me on how to do so.
although some of that attitude, i think, is based on the fact that i'm 18, and therefore, of course, couldn't
- have a committed relationships. cause, ya know, us teenagers just go from relationship to relationship and cheat on each other all the time, and know nothing about fidelity or serious relationships. i'm just sleeping with the entire football team.
- in which both of us are STD free. cause of course we'd be too immature to think about stuff like that, and stay safe and get tested. and all teenage boys are cheating on their girlfriends because they have that masculine high sex drive *gags*, so i should be making him use a condom cause he'll give me something!
- and have no risk of pregnancy*. because, you know, teenagers are all just having sex and half-assedly using the pull-out method, and half of the girls want to get preggers anyway, to keep the guy.
obviously i agree with none of the stereotypes i quoted above. i meant them in sarcasm.
i'm so sick of assumptions based on my age. if i was twenty-five, would doctors act in the same way towards my "unprotected" sex? possibly. probably not.
thoughts? apologies for turning this into a rant. it was at first just a thought about condoms and "protected sex" and i started thinking about instances in the past that emphasis has been put on condoms in my life.
* i will admit there are times in the past i have had a risk, or at least thought i had one, and did not use a condom - and hormonal birth control is not 100% foolproof. so i guess it's more of "an extremely low risk".
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no subject
Date: 2009-11-22 06:10 am (UTC)Also, just to expand on your points, I'm 28. In the past year-ish, I've had a couple of health care providers suggest I was being sexually irresponsible for: a) not using condoms in addition to another form of contraception; b) foregoing routine gonorrhea and chlamydia screening along with my Pap smear. (And yet since I'm over age 25, the insurance I had then did not pay for routine gonorrhea and chlamydia screenings.)
I think what happens, ultimately, is that health care providers are human. They approach patients with their own set of values, opinions, and prejudices. Some are more likely to equate age with responsibility; some do the same for marriage; some both or neither. A good provider will try to keep those from interfering with what's best for each patient, but: a) not every provider is a good one; b) even good providers have "off" moments or awkward phrasings.
I'm not suggesting that any of those *excuses* condescending or judgmental attitudes from health care providers. But they may help explain why there can be a lot of variation in who gets judgey when.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-22 07:21 am (UTC)Secondly, I agree with a lot of what you have to say.
Another thought: I think what stands out for me during annuals or checkups is that my doctor just assumes that my boyfriend is going to be cheating on me (gender stereotypes and whatnot) because he's still considered "young" (um, 21?!)- that always makes me feel really uncomfortable. I know my doctor just wants me to be aware of STIs and whatnot, but it's still offensive that that assumption is made about someone I've chosen to be committed to.
Again, I agree with a lot of what you said. Ultimately, the type of treatment is going to depend on the doctor's own preferences, but I also think a good portion of it is also probably institutional propagation... doctors being encouraged to stress certain things over another. Maybe I'm wrong, but it's worth thinking about.
no subject
Date: 2009-11-22 07:04 pm (UTC)I had one doctor (who is no longer my doctor) assume that because my partner is older than I am (I'm 28; he's 39), he didn't have as much incentive to help prevent pregnancy because he might not care as much if I got pregnant or not.
Which, if the intent was to help or support me finding a female-controlled contraceptive method, that's a fine and good intent. But like you said, it makes some offensive assumptions about people. And the same concern can be expressed in a way that doesn't make those negative assumptions.